Post by Bee on Jan 14, 2010 9:31:36 GMT
‘Married to Bridget Napier’ I set my relationship status on facebook the day after our wedding.
I was still in shock from it all even now 6 months on that I could have had a baby, married the love of my life and suffered the biggest loss in my life all in the matter of 5 weeks.
India was growing to be like her mum more and more everyday, I wish one day that she’d show one shred of myself in her tiny features but she had inherited her mothers looks, from her piercing eyes to her chin she was all Didge. I don’t know yet who’s hair she has, she doesn’t have much of it at all anyway but I’m hoping maybe that she got my hair.’
----
I read this whilst at home waiting for the clock to turn to 3pm so that I could collect my daughter from kindergarten. I placed the diary on the coffee table before turning the TV on and wiping away the tears threatening to escape my eyes. I had never gotten over Didge’s death and I don’t think I could ever move on from the stage of grief I am still on now, 4 years on.
Indy was the one and only thing that kept me going after Bridget died, Suicidal thoughts had run through my mind, just because I wanted to be with my wife more then anything in the world. Then mum helped to show me that I had to stay alive, if not for just the next 18 years just to raise my daughter so that she wouldn’t miss out on having a father around for her too.
When I’d bought this home I felt relief tinged with sadness, relief because I had finally moved out of home and my daughter would now have a steady home life, but sadness because Bridget wasn’t here to share it with us. I had pictures of her and us up everywhere, India has a picture of Bridget from when Bridget was 4 sitting on her bedside table and she kisses the picture goodnight every night when I tuck her in.
I had moved out of home just before my 20th birthday, Indy was a 1 year old by then and we needed our own space, not to mention my uni course was only being offered in Sydney anyway. I packed all of our belongings away and with a tearful goodbye to mum I hopped into my car and India and I left without a further word.
We drove up the coast stopping at Lakes Entrance on the first night then we finally got to Sydney and India and I moved into our two bedroom house on the outskirts. It wasn’t much at all but at least we could call it our home.
For the next three years I went to Uni and India was in daycare, but every spare second I could spend with her I did, she was only in a crèche that was right next to our uni anyway.
On my first day I began meeting people and my first conversation with the three people that would soon become my best friends was particularly memorable to me because they just stood there asking me questions about myself.
“You’d think that they would have organised this better” A guy that was about the same age as me commented as we stood looking at the teachers at the front trying to set up the projector.
“Yeah you would” I said crossing my arms and yawning.
“Are you tired? Too busy partying?” He asked me, “I’m Rick by the way”.
“I’m Declan” I said reaching out to shake his hand.
“Are you married?” Rick asked me staring at the ring on my finger.
I looked down at the ring and pulled my hand away, “Used to me” I mumbled.
“Divorced?” He asked.
“Nah, Widower” I said.
“Oh I’m sorry” He looked generally sad upon hearing my marital status.
“It’s okay” I said.
“So we’re going to so rock this Uni up!” A woman came prancing into our circle followed by another man.
“Oh hi I’m Laura” She extended her hand, “Holy smokes you’re MARRIED?!”.
Rick cleared his throat and Laura looked at him, “Oh right”.
“Don’t worry guys I’m a widower” I told them.
The man behind Laura whispered something in her ear and she went bright red, “Shh Josh”.
“Anyway I’m Declan” I said, “And I’m guessing you’re Josh?” I said to the guy behind Laura”.
He nodded looking shy.
“Anyway enough of the introductions save that for the dinner thing their doing on Friday!” Laura said, “We need to start planning tonight!”.
“What’s tonight?” Rick asked.
“First night on campus, the guys over there are having a partay and you three better be there!” She looked from one of us to another with a piercing expression.
I gulped before I said, “I cant”.
“Why not?” Laura asked me hands on hips, “It’s your first night at uni!”.
“I know it is, but I have something else I need to do” I didn’t know if I should tell them about India just yet.
“Such as? Study? Oh please don’t say you’re a study nerd!” She cried looking at me shocked, “You’re too good looking for that!”.
“No it’s not that” I said before gulping again bracing myself for their reactions, “I’m a single father”.
They looked from one to the other, “You’re what?” Rick spluttered, “You’re what nineteen?”.
I nodded, “Started young”.
“Bleghh” Laura said, “No offence but I couldn’t imagine having a baby now! I like to partay!”.
“He know’s Laura!” Rick and Josh said at the same time.
“So how old’s your kid?” Josh asked me.
“Turned 1 year in June” I told him.
“Wait wouldn’t that mean that you were still in school when your wife was pregnant with it?” Laura asked me.
“Yeah my wife had India when we were halfway through year 12” I told them.
“How did you manage that! Have a baby and still get into Uni at the end!” Josh asked, “I could barely handle year 12 without all that commitment to other people!”.
“She’s a good kid, she doesn’t need much and mum helped out a lot” I told them.
“You are a study nerd!” Laura cried.
“Shut up Laura” Both the guys said at the same time again.
I smiled knowing that these three would soon turn into my good friends at Uni and I was right!.
---
“Oops” I said checking my watch as I came out of my daydream, it was 2:53pm and I still had to drive across town to the preschool to collect her. I grabbed my key’s and headed to the car stopping only momentarily to gaze at a photo of Bridget we had next to the front door on the wall.
I was still in shock from it all even now 6 months on that I could have had a baby, married the love of my life and suffered the biggest loss in my life all in the matter of 5 weeks.
India was growing to be like her mum more and more everyday, I wish one day that she’d show one shred of myself in her tiny features but she had inherited her mothers looks, from her piercing eyes to her chin she was all Didge. I don’t know yet who’s hair she has, she doesn’t have much of it at all anyway but I’m hoping maybe that she got my hair.’
----
I read this whilst at home waiting for the clock to turn to 3pm so that I could collect my daughter from kindergarten. I placed the diary on the coffee table before turning the TV on and wiping away the tears threatening to escape my eyes. I had never gotten over Didge’s death and I don’t think I could ever move on from the stage of grief I am still on now, 4 years on.
Indy was the one and only thing that kept me going after Bridget died, Suicidal thoughts had run through my mind, just because I wanted to be with my wife more then anything in the world. Then mum helped to show me that I had to stay alive, if not for just the next 18 years just to raise my daughter so that she wouldn’t miss out on having a father around for her too.
When I’d bought this home I felt relief tinged with sadness, relief because I had finally moved out of home and my daughter would now have a steady home life, but sadness because Bridget wasn’t here to share it with us. I had pictures of her and us up everywhere, India has a picture of Bridget from when Bridget was 4 sitting on her bedside table and she kisses the picture goodnight every night when I tuck her in.
I had moved out of home just before my 20th birthday, Indy was a 1 year old by then and we needed our own space, not to mention my uni course was only being offered in Sydney anyway. I packed all of our belongings away and with a tearful goodbye to mum I hopped into my car and India and I left without a further word.
We drove up the coast stopping at Lakes Entrance on the first night then we finally got to Sydney and India and I moved into our two bedroom house on the outskirts. It wasn’t much at all but at least we could call it our home.
For the next three years I went to Uni and India was in daycare, but every spare second I could spend with her I did, she was only in a crèche that was right next to our uni anyway.
On my first day I began meeting people and my first conversation with the three people that would soon become my best friends was particularly memorable to me because they just stood there asking me questions about myself.
“You’d think that they would have organised this better” A guy that was about the same age as me commented as we stood looking at the teachers at the front trying to set up the projector.
“Yeah you would” I said crossing my arms and yawning.
“Are you tired? Too busy partying?” He asked me, “I’m Rick by the way”.
“I’m Declan” I said reaching out to shake his hand.
“Are you married?” Rick asked me staring at the ring on my finger.
I looked down at the ring and pulled my hand away, “Used to me” I mumbled.
“Divorced?” He asked.
“Nah, Widower” I said.
“Oh I’m sorry” He looked generally sad upon hearing my marital status.
“It’s okay” I said.
“So we’re going to so rock this Uni up!” A woman came prancing into our circle followed by another man.
“Oh hi I’m Laura” She extended her hand, “Holy smokes you’re MARRIED?!”.
Rick cleared his throat and Laura looked at him, “Oh right”.
“Don’t worry guys I’m a widower” I told them.
The man behind Laura whispered something in her ear and she went bright red, “Shh Josh”.
“Anyway I’m Declan” I said, “And I’m guessing you’re Josh?” I said to the guy behind Laura”.
He nodded looking shy.
“Anyway enough of the introductions save that for the dinner thing their doing on Friday!” Laura said, “We need to start planning tonight!”.
“What’s tonight?” Rick asked.
“First night on campus, the guys over there are having a partay and you three better be there!” She looked from one of us to another with a piercing expression.
I gulped before I said, “I cant”.
“Why not?” Laura asked me hands on hips, “It’s your first night at uni!”.
“I know it is, but I have something else I need to do” I didn’t know if I should tell them about India just yet.
“Such as? Study? Oh please don’t say you’re a study nerd!” She cried looking at me shocked, “You’re too good looking for that!”.
“No it’s not that” I said before gulping again bracing myself for their reactions, “I’m a single father”.
They looked from one to the other, “You’re what?” Rick spluttered, “You’re what nineteen?”.
I nodded, “Started young”.
“Bleghh” Laura said, “No offence but I couldn’t imagine having a baby now! I like to partay!”.
“He know’s Laura!” Rick and Josh said at the same time.
“So how old’s your kid?” Josh asked me.
“Turned 1 year in June” I told him.
“Wait wouldn’t that mean that you were still in school when your wife was pregnant with it?” Laura asked me.
“Yeah my wife had India when we were halfway through year 12” I told them.
“How did you manage that! Have a baby and still get into Uni at the end!” Josh asked, “I could barely handle year 12 without all that commitment to other people!”.
“She’s a good kid, she doesn’t need much and mum helped out a lot” I told them.
“You are a study nerd!” Laura cried.
“Shut up Laura” Both the guys said at the same time again.
I smiled knowing that these three would soon turn into my good friends at Uni and I was right!.
---
“Oops” I said checking my watch as I came out of my daydream, it was 2:53pm and I still had to drive across town to the preschool to collect her. I grabbed my key’s and headed to the car stopping only momentarily to gaze at a photo of Bridget we had next to the front door on the wall.