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Post by jess on Jan 28, 2011 23:11:29 GMT
Hatch and Despatch!
While some relationships thrive in the harshest of terrains, others come crashing down, no longer satisfied with their lover’s embrace. Mum and Dad were happy once, I know they were - I see it in their old photos. They were in love the way Declan and I are in love! I’m being positive, brave, resolute…. Declan and I won’t end up like them. We won’t let it happen to us! I told Mum her dress was a showstopper, the one she wore to the conference at Lassiters. I encouraged her to go out and be happy, but I didn’t realise her happiness meant my Dad’s unhappiness. Seeing her in the morning, sneaking in the door with last night’s makeup still reminiscent on her face, and her ‘showstopping’ dress looking dishevelled… that sucked, for my Dad. I wish he didn’t see that. It was a bit tactless of Mum. I do want her to be happy, but not at Dad’s expense.
So Dad’s right…you do fall in love, have kids, get married (maybe), and then one day you wake up and you’ve wasted your relationship, you’ve taken it all for granted and it’s fallen apart. Is that how it happens? I won’t let Declan forget how we are now. I won’t let this happen to us, ever.
So as one relationship is despatched (sadly for my family), another is hatched! Sunny and Zeke, they're pretty cute, but so hopeless! Lucky for them Alicia Silverstone was on to it, Donna’s so cool. She gave Zeke a push and finally he asked Sunny out on a date. We couldn’t believe they didn’t kiss on the school camp, after all that time locked in the store room cupboard! It’s so obvious how they feel about each other. SO finally, they’ve got it together. Donna’s pretty awesome!
What’s happening with Paul really sucks, it sucks for poor Rebecca and Dec. They let him in and he has hurt them again. I don’t really know what to believe, but anything to do with Paul Robinson is usually dodgy. It's just the way it goes with him. Do you think he really could have killed that lady though, his sister? For money? I know his life revolves around money, but to kill for it? Well there was the Lassiter’s fire!
I don’t know. I don’t know what to say to Declan, whether he should keep on supporting Rebecca, who is 100% behind Paul? It’s his Mum! I hope Paul comes out of this, for Declan’s sake. For Rebecca’s sake. I don't want them finding it hard to trust anyone again.
On a nicer, more romantic note, Dec and I haven’t lost it. We had a perfect afternoon today, he bought flowers and chocolates and we just hung out in the sunshine. We can’t wait to meet our baby. I’m totally freaking out but I’m totally excited too. It’s awesome, just us, Dec and I as a real family, with Tadpole, whatever he or she will be!
I’m 34 weeks now, only 6 weeks to go. It’s pretty scary, I’m not scared about Declan and I being parents, not really, I’m worried about the contractions, the pain, whether I’ll be able to get the breathing techniques right to avoid the urge to push until the right time. All that stuff.
I’ve been practicing the relaxation and breathing techniques to get ready for the birth, apparently the breathing also helps to relax you in the weeks leading up to the birth. I’m seeing my obstetrician next week, to see what position the baby is in and whether it’s turned. I’ve always got so many questions to ask, but I always walk out not having asked all of them.
It’s pretty scary. I’m having a baby!
Bridget Parker is having a baby.
Crazy stuff.
Didge x
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Post by jess on Jan 28, 2011 23:13:54 GMT
Just Like Romeo and Juliet!
Maybe Dec and my love will unite our twisted, broken families? Both our families are in crisis, Rebecca's knee deep in drama surrounding Paul who's on the run from the law and Dad wants to close-up shop and high-tale it back to Oakey, we've decided to go out on our own and create our own life together. Just Dec, Tadpole and me!
I just read Shakespear's ‘The Taming of the Shrew’, which is about a society that believed the perfect woman should be mild-mannered, modest, polite and submissive…. seen and not heard! All the things I am not. Does that mean I’d make a terrible wife? Anyway...either it was the play or my hormones but something made me lose it. And there was Dec, right by my side. It's not fair...he's doing everything he can to support me and all I can do is whine and moan about how unfair life is…. I don’t mean to, I just hate that Mum and Dad have split up and that Dad is moving away to Oakey. I hate that he wants to sell the business and that Mum has given up without a fight! And I hate that Declan has to work so hard to support me. Some days I feel like it’s all my fault, some days I feel like I’ve ruined Dec’s life!
Then there are the days when Declan just keeps on fighting for me and I realise that it’s my loud-mouthed, opinionated ways that he loves so much. He doesn’t want to tame me like a wild animal, just like in Shakespeare’s play, he likes me just the way I am. He's so amazing.... where woud I be without Dec? He wants to take me and Tadpole to a place of our own, so we can live out the rest of this incubation period without stress – did I mention how amazing Dec is?
Maybe my hormones are the reason I have been freaking out so much….I had a fight with Mum, I was really mean to her, and also Karl…. but he was being an idiot anyway if you ask me, blaming Jake and Bronte for the dog mess on his front lawn… it could’ve been Audrey, but he refused to accept it and instead pointed his accusatory finger at me. So I told him off, as no submissive, mild-mannered, polite woman would do!
Dad wants to sell the business, and he wants Mum to sign the papers and she actually thought about doing it, I can't believe it. So I had a go at her. Then she decided I was right and threw the papers in the rubbish, as if that would solve anything! Why can't she talk to Dad, and discuss things, like adults? You’d think they'd have had enough practice at being adults by now, but nope! Sometimes I feel like I’m the adult with my parents.
It will be better if we move out and get our own place, just me, Dec and Tadpole. Then we can behave like adults should, talk openly and honestly in a loving, caring environment, and in harmony. Am I wishful thinking… can Dec and I have a life like that?
I hope so.
I can’t wait to move out, and I can’t wait for Tadpole to join us.
Dec’s right, Dad doesn’t even get on with Pop, why would he be going to Oakey to live with him? He’s just upset, if Mum just talked to him about it and fought a bit harder, he’d come around. He doesn’t want to leave. I know it. He doesn’t want to go to Oakey!
Upon reflection, there are very little similarities between Romeo and Juliet and Declan and I, apart from the most obvious of course.... love....Romeo and Juliet didn't live out their lives together, Dec and I will. It's our families that are tragic, not us!
Didge x
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Post by jess on Jan 28, 2011 23:15:56 GMT
Mr Napier, at Your Service!
She can’t stay away from her blog for one minute…. So here I am writing Didge’s diary for her this week. It’s a little late, there’s been a bit of drama at home, I stuffed up….I’m good at stuffing up, but luckily Didge and Tadpole are okay. They just had to stay overnight in hospital, to rest. They’ll be out later today. I’m not the best writer, well I’m okay at it, I’m just probably not the best at elaborating, you know, going on about my feelings like chicks are….
Here goes....
I lost my cool at Harry yesterday, but he was behaving like a twat… I so wanted to deck him cause he deserved it but Dan stopped me, told me to cut him some slack because he’s just lost his Mum! I really tried, but he got in my face again at the school play. I should’ve walked away.
Didge was there and I put her and Tadpole in danger. I could've lost them, or one of them, thank god they’re okay. I was so scared, and angry at myself. If anything happened to them .... anyway, that's not something I want to think about!
Didge says hi, she wanted to write the diary this week so she sends her apologies, and I send mine too.... for keeping her away from you! I have to check with Toadie to see if he recorded the play, so I can make it up to Didge, she really wanted to see it. I’ll go do that now, well, when I’m finished here.
What else can I write? Didge wrote me a list… but I think I left it at the hospital....
Didge is well and truly pregnant now, I think it’s a boy, Didge thinks it’s a girl… she still eats for the whole family, me included, she tries to get me to hide lollies and chips and stuff from her, but she never really wants me to so I always have to find them for her again. Her bag is packed…. She says I’ve overpacked for her, but she likes how prepared I’ve made her feel! She’s got a week’s worth of supplies, they say a girl’s got to have all her luxuries! I’ve filled what room was left in the bag with chocolate – for those night-time feasts she so often goes on.
She’s doing really well, I’m really proud of her…. She’s been a bit emotional like a typical girl can be at times, but probably not as bad as a typical girl could be!
I can’t wait to be a Dad. We still haven’t chosen a name for Tadpole. We were trying to come up with names last night at the hospital…. but it’s hard to agree on anything. I want to name the baby after someone close to us, but she's not so sure, she wants to be more original......so we're not agreeing on anything at the moment - just like with the marriage, she wants one thing and I want another even though we both want the same thing in the end!
It can get confusing, and frustrating, you know Didge....that’s my girl! So just like the idea of getting married, choosing a name is going to take some compromise. Maybe it’s a good thing we decided to hold off on the marriage for the moment, with Didge’s hormones and her natural stubbornness we probably would’ve ended up in some sort of weird wedding ritual or something…. something totally Didge, something far removed from our traditional customs - like a sacred Pagan ritual or a colourful Hindu wedding dancing around in bare feet, she would’ve married me there and then, on the spot if I had've suggested something like that. Anything out of the norm!
You see how well I know Didge!
Well that’s it from me…. I’ve had a great time, really I have. But I have a HUGE girlfriend to go pick up from hospital, who will no doubt want to be fed very soon - she hates the hospital food and I don’t want to keep her waiting… she’s not very fun when she’s grumpy!
See Ya.
Dec
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Post by jess on Jan 28, 2011 23:18:53 GMT
I DO!
The timing was perfect, there never could’ve been a more perfect time for us, there was something in the air! Whatever it was, it made sense and Declan and I married on a beautiful blue day in the prettiest church I’ve ever seen, in a remote part of the world I couldn’t even tell you the name of! It was a hunch, a good hunch….that I couldn’t let a good guy like Declan pass me by! We were searching for Paul Robinson to bring him back to Rebecca, when Declan's car broke down. Stuck out in the country-side, neither Dec nor my phone was working so we had to walk to find a phone. I didn't mind, it was a beautiful day, but then it started pouring so we took shelter in this little country church, it was beautiful.
It's as if chance took us there. It was our fate, we were meant to end up in that beautiful church, and I was meant to meet that lovely lady who played the organ.
I was looking at myself in years to come, this older lady remembering her younger years....when she was a young girl with strong ideals. She told me how she had turned her back on the love of her life, how she had chosen not to marry him because of her strong ideals. And how he went away, never to return. She told me how she always regretted that she never took the chance on love.
But it was the last thing she said to me that turned the switch fully on, she said.....He's a keeper that one!
Yes he is!
And all of a sudden I saw myself reflected in that woman's eyes, I saw myself years from now if I held on to my strong ideals and didn't take the chance and marry the love of my life! I knew then that I couldn't end up without him.
So, when Declan walked back into the church I knew the time was right, I couldn't take anymore chances, I was lucky Declan was still standing beside me now. He could've given up ages ago, but he didn't.
So I asked him to marry me, right there in that beautiful church.
So I’m Mrs Bridget Napier now, loving, devoted wife to Mr Declan Napier. How cool is that!
Donna did a fantastic job of making our day extra special…. I looked like a bride, actually I looked exactly the way I wanted to look, understated but pretty. I did feel really pretty. And the boys found suits from a charity shop in town, so they all looked amazing, especially Dec. It was so much fun, it was beautiful, it was everything a girl could want, and more! Well this type of girl anyway.
Our Vows
Me
"When we first met, I never dreamt we'd end up here, I thought we'd end up in jail. And then you kissed me!
I promise to always put US before ME, to share everything, and I promise not to be too cranky, atleast most of the time."
Dec
"When you dropped my absailing rope, I fell for you.
We are so much better together, than we are apart.
You made me a better man, and you'll also help me be a great dad to Tadpole."
Me
"Just like you'll help me be a great mum. (To Tadpole) And we'll always love you....even if you steal cars with the girl next door."
Then we were pronounced Husband and Wife.
And we kissed, and Tadpole kicked me right in the middle of it.
The only thing I regret, and I do kinda regret it, even though I was happy with the way we did it, was that we didn’t include Mum, Dad and Rebecca. Seeing the look on Mum’s face…. Arrg, it was painful. She was so upset. I didn’t realise that Dad would be hurt too, I didn’t think it would be such a big deal to him. But they love us and they wanted to be a part of our special day, I was sorry afterwards. I didn't mean to get angry at Mum, that was wrong of me, she had a right to be disappointed and hurt. I was just feeling guilty and I didn't want to feel that on my wedding day, so I lashed out at her.
I’ve suggested we put on a wedding reception, at our house, and Mum can organise it all, because she’s good at all that…. And I need to make it up to her. I’ll wear my wedding dress again, Dec can wear his suit, we’ll say our vows in front of them, it will be just like the real thing. Besides, it will be fun to do it all again. I won’t mind at all.
I feel complete, I feel like I was always meant to be Mrs Bridget Napier. It makes sense… Tadpole, Dec and I will all have the same surnames. Tadpole Napier… ha as if we'd call our kid Tadpole. I mean Dec might, but I wouldn't, no way!
We need a honeymoon….the guys suggested this cool music festival that’s coming up… I would love that. Some would say it’s lame, going to a music festival for your honeymoon! We should really be setting sail on some fabulous yacht, sailing across the Indian Ocean, then the Pacific Ocean, stopping off at obscure islands along the way. But I’ve never been to a music festival and it will be a laugh, our last teenage rebellion!
This has been the most beautiful day of my life.
Love Bridget Napier (a.k.a Didge)
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Post by jess on Jan 28, 2011 23:20:34 GMT
Before We Are Three!
We’re off on our honeymoon, our second one, we went on a cruise last week to Tahiti! I’m really excited, we’re going to the Winter Cool Music Festival, camping! It’s going to be amazing, no parents. Dec and my last dance of freedom, before we are three! So, I just wanted to write something quick before we head off. Dec will come calling for me soon. My bags are packed, we can’t go overboard as there’s only one car, and five of us going. Well six including Tadpole. We might start feeling like some over-stuffed train in Bombay or something! Maybe we can chuck Zeke or Ringo on the roof!
Anyway, with five of us going, that’s a lot of stuff to fit in Dec’s boot. The boys have told us girls that we can’t go overboard and pack a lot of stuff, no straightening irons! Yeah right, as if…. as if we’re the type of girls to pack straightening irons on a camping trip! Dec knows me better than that. Maybe Donna might, nah I doubt it! Oh you never know what Donna will turn up with!! But Sunny, she likes her accessories, but I don’t think hair pins and earrings will take up much room. I'm blabbering now, I'm so excited.
I hope Sunny and Zeke make up on this trip. They’re so sweet together, she’s got to just relax a bit more. I think her parents put a lot of pressure on her, she comes from quite a strict up-bringing. Well at least they didn’t stop her from coming to the festival with us, that’s cool!
Elle and Lucas are coming too, I can’t imagine Elle at a music festival, letting her hair down, camping, breaking her nails. But… then Lucas has bought her down to earth a lot more since they’ve been together. She’s not ‘as’ highly-strung these days, that’s not to say that she’s still not a little bit highly-strung!
It will be fun….There are so many cool bands playing, I wish Lily Allen was playing, that would be awesome, I love her. The Presets are playing, Dec loves The Presets! He wants us to sneak backstage to meet some of them… I think we’re up for a bit of reckless behaviour, not that much, I am pregnant! Well, it is our last few weeks of freedom, so we’re going to enjoy them.
I’ve never been to a festival before, I’m so excited Zeke got these tickets.
Can’t wait. See u when we get back.
Love Didge x
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Post by jess on Jan 28, 2011 23:21:14 GMT
Welcome to the World Little Girl!
NEWSFLASH - It's Donna Freedman reporting from Ramsay Street Squire - just jokes. I just wanted to announce the arrival of Bridget and Declan’s beautiful little girl, who has no name other than the nickname provided to her by her loving and devoted father, Tadpole! It’s crazy at the hospital, Tadpole is in a special care unit for sick babies, being nursed to health as she was finding it hard to get her little breath after her complicated entry into the world.
We are preying for the little mite. Bridget is worried sick, Dec too. We’re hoping for some good news to report and that Bridget holds her little girl soon. So I just wanted to keep you posted, I know you look forward to hearing from Bridget each week, but she will write again soon when she’s back in the street, with her bundle of joy. Cross fingers that it will be very soon.
Well, it’s been cool writing to you. If there’s anymore news and Bridget can’t get online I will keep you posted.
Over and out from Donna Freedman. Coolest chick on Ramsay Street, just joking! Bridget would hate me for writing that! Second coolest!
Later x
PS. I snuck into the birthing unit and got a sneaky pic of Tadpole. Isn't she cute, I'm completely in love!
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Post by jess on Jan 28, 2011 23:22:50 GMT
India!
It’s so nice to be home! Tadpole's room is so beautiful, thanks to Dad, oh I mean India! Yes, we finally named her. We love it. And so does India. She stopped crying as soon as we said her name, so that’s how we knew it was perfect. If she likes it, we like it! Home at last. I hate hospital food and I was just so impatient to get India home and settled into life here. I think she likes us, we can’t believe how lucky we are, she’s so beautiful. I hated not being able to hold her when she was in the special care unit. It was awful. A mother is meant to hold her baby straight away, it was killing me. But she's here now, everything's alright now!
How was Donna huh? Trying to help us come up with a name, she’s crazy sometimes. Starlene, Britney, Paris, Madonna, and even Crystal! Blaahhhh! I just had to name our baby, and fast. I couldn’t stand another day of calling her Tadpole, she had to have a proper name.
It was while I was trying to get her to stop crying that Dec found her name. I was telling her how we would travel as a family - just me, Dec and her - if one day my dream came true and I became a doctor, we’d travel to places like Zimbabwe and India to help less fortune kids. Because that is my dream, I’d love to do that one day, so much! And I will, we will! And then Dec named her, India. Well she named herself really because as soon as she heard the name she stopped crying and we knew immediately she approved. So India it is…. Indy!
Kate is so lovely, she made Indy a beautiful rabbit, made out of new materials. It’s so cute, and Indy loves it too.
It was pretty scary giving birth in a tent, at a music festival… I went into shock I think! I didn’t expect anything like that to happen. But thinking about it now, looking back from the safety of it all turning out fine, I have to admit it’s pretty cool! What a story to tell India when she’s a teenager, that she was born at a music festival, in a tent! Better than a boring hospital with boring hospital food!
I’m so glad to be home! I’m starting to forget the pain of the birth, they say that happens. I think it’s because it’s replaced by the love you feel for your baby, and I have to admit every time I look at baby India I just feel so much of it, there’s no pain there at all. So I guess that’s how you forget childbirth. I’m just glad Trisha the ambulance officer was there to help me through, to bring baby India into the world, and then act so quickly to get her the best treatment she needed. She was amazing! Baby India is here because of her, I'm so thankful.
I’m in love, with my India!
But I’m tired… There’s not much time to do anything, except feed and nurse her. I tried to take a nap before because I’m still pretty tired from the birth, but it didn’t last long before she woke me for another feed. It’ll get easier I’m sure, I’m back at school next week so we need to get this under control and get her into a pattern. Once we work out what she wants and what her different cries mean. I want Dec and I to work it out together. We are the parents, we need to understand her.
Oh she’s crying again, I think this cry might be because she’s hungry.
See, not much time to do much else!
Speak again soon.
Didge x
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Post by jess on Jan 28, 2011 23:24:53 GMT
Super-Mum to the Rescue!
Well not quite, but that’s what I’m going to have to be…. Taking care of India, being the Mum I want to be, love her, feed her, nurse her to sleep, make sure she has everything she needs, and on top of that keep on top of my studies to keep my dream of being a doctor alive. It's going to be hard work! But I'm determined to do it. It’s different to what I expected, I didn’t realise I would be sooooo tired. India is always hungry, and expressing milk is difficult. Donna thinks it’s disgusting that I express milk to keep in the fridge, so I can go to school. I guess it’s kinda gross but it’s a necessary part of life when you have a baby.
Dec thinks we’ve come back to school too early. I don’t know, mistake or not, I’m determined to make it work. I have to step up and be everything. Other mums do it, so why can’t I? I’m not the only Mum in the world juggling a baby and studies, career, family. I definatley have a new appreciate for mothers.
Leaving India was really hard. Funny how attached you become, I can’t bare being away from her. I'm so in love.
Speaking of love, Zeke told Sunny he loves her and she freaked out. And then Donna comes in to Harold’s Café with all these balloons, with 'I love you Zeke' written all over them. Sunny freaked out again, especially when Zeke walked in, she ended up popping the balloons before he saw what was written on them! Donna doesn’t realise, some people are just so different to her and approach things in life differently. Sunny’s more private than Donna, and shy. So when Donna came in to the gym later with her cheerleading outfit on Sunny nearly died. Poor girl. She’s never been in love before, so she didn’t know how she was meant to feel.
Then we had this conversation about love, and how you can tell if you have fallen. With Dec, it just crept up on me. I told her I always loved him, but it took a while for my head to catch up with my heart and accept what I was feeling. Donna and I told Sunny what it felt like when you are in love, that you think about them all the time, and you get sweaty palms and butterflies in your stomach: if you feel like you’re going to throw up, that’s pretty much it, you’re in love.
I guess there’s different types of love, but I feel that with India too, I think about her all the time when I’m away from her, I feel like I’m going to throw up worrying about her, and I had butterflies in my stomach all day the first day I was back at school. And I couldn’t concentrate, that was the hardest. I just kept floating away to thoughts of her, while I was meant to be answering Fitzy’s questions in class! I’m so going to fail at this.
Getting ready for school was hard, Dad said it was like a military operation we were so organised. India needs routine, it’s important. I know my little girl so well already. My baby girl, my beautiful baby girl! Wow, what love you feel for your baby, it just completely floods your system. And the worry, that's something I didn't expect to feel so intensely. I hope she doesn’t think I’ve abandoned her.
It felt like it was too soon to leave her, I knew she was in good hands with Mum and Dad, but apparently babies don’t think they are separate beings from their mothers, after being attached to you for nine months they still think they are apart of you. So separation is hard for them, confusing. They don’t realise they are an individual until about two years old. Well that’s what I’ve heard anyway. So I didn’t like leaving her at all. But Mum and Dad, and Dec, assured me she would be fine. I guess a few hours away won’t be too hard for her, especially when she’s got the love of her grandparents.
I liked having Kate at school, I feel like we’ve got a lot in common, both of us juggling parenthood! She’s got her brother and sister to look after, and studies on top of that, it’s hard for her. There’s a few jerks at Erinsborough High, so I'm making sure that Kate sticks by us.
I leaked in class. That was awful, so embarrassing. I mean it’s natural and everything, I’ve got a baby, but it just felt so wrong happening in class, especially in front of the school’s biggest tools, Justine and Amanda. Now I know what cows feel like, all this milk!
Well, as long as I’m organised and focused I should be fine. As Libby said, your life is not your own anymore, so it’s hard to keep up with it. But she does it all. I’m determined to do this. Super-Mum and Super-Student, that’s me. That’s what I’m going to have to become.
Ho Hum….
Love (exhausted) Didge x
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Post by jess on Jan 28, 2011 23:26:32 GMT
Love n Cuddles!
It’s been a hard week for Dec and I. I’m getting ready to go to Oakey, with India, Mum and Dad. Feeling sad that I’m leaving my husband behind, he’ll be okay, at least he can get some rest. This baby stuff is madness, we’re exhausted. I’m really hurt by the fight we had with Zeke, Ringo and Donna. We didn’t mean to hurt them. Yep, we were harsh, we weren't looking at everything the right way, we were looking at the negatives, not the positives of our friends, which there are so many. Donna was right… they have always been there for us. We’re such horrible people for saying those things about them. I don’t blame them for being angry, I just hate leaving with this hanging over our heads. I’ve text Donna to say sorry, but she hasn’t replied. She’s really hurt and I don’t blame her. She’s my best friend, she was there when I was giving birth to Indy, she didn’t deserve to hear us say she was flaky. She’s not really flaky, she’s actually the most capable person I know. Look how brilliant she is at organising weddings!
Dec and I have been bickering, it’s so stupid to fight. We are a family, bound by our beautiful baby India… we need to stick together and work together, not bicker. Mum made me realise this. We’re just sleep-deprived, we’re exhausted. It was so nice making up....
I never knew looking after a tiny, little baby could be sooooo time-consuming. The lack of sleep is a nightmare. Bless her, she is beautiful, but I’m a wreck!
It will be good to get away to Oakey and relax a bit, I hope!
Oh we’re leaving soon, I need to get a few more things organised and spend some time with my beautiful husband before we go.
Don’t forget us while we’re gone.
Back soon, hopefull with less puffy bags under my eyes!
Love from sleep-deprived, emotional and ratty Didge x
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Post by jess on Jan 28, 2011 23:30:05 GMT
i know these are Declans entries but they wernt in Declans diary and they are written to Bridget so here are the ones we dont have
I Love You Bridget Parker
Didge left this place in her memory….I remembered last night that she use to write a diary, and I sat at the computer for hours, reading and re-reading all her thoughts, right from the very beginning till the very end. I can’t live without her, I don’t want to live without her. But somehow I have to. Maybe…. I will find some sorta peace writing this, but I doubt it. I’m going to continue her diary, in her memory. Dear Didge,
Life without you sucks. Really sucks. Didge, I lost it big time when you left, I can’t breathe without you. The pain is too much. I feel like my heart has been ripped in to tiny pieces. Without you, I’m not me. Who is going to give me the answers now?
A part of me wanted to die so bad, I just wanted to be with you. I have to admit, and I’m so sorry for this, but I couldn’t look into Indy’s eyes for days, it was too hard Didge. I promised you that I’d look after Indy forever, you made me make that promise….before you died. I didn’t know you were going to die, I couldn’t imagine life without you, I didn’t want to imagine a life without you. But now, I’m living life without you and I can't stand it.
I’m looking after our little girl, I’m trying. Libby helped. She helped me see that it won’t be easy, none of my life will be easy without you, it will never be the same…. But Indy needs me…and I promised you!
I will write this diary to you, to all your friends, to keep you alive, with us. A place where I can talk about Indy, talk to you about what’s going on, maybe I’ll find answers here, maybe your thoughts, your memory, will filter through. You’ll tell me what to do, I need you too, still! I know I'm just reaching out for something, anything, to keep you alive. It's so hard to live without hope.
I can’t stand Steph, she killed you, she did it. It was the steering wheel, she serviced the car and left the steering wheel unchecked. I’m going to make her pay for it. Yeah, I know you wouldn't like it, but I want her to feel the pain I’m feeling, for the rest of her life. She took Indy’s mum away from her, her stupidity took you away from me. And I’m in SO MUCH pain, because of her.
I smashed her car windows, two of them, with a baseball bat. Yep, it was dumb, it was a dumb Declan thing to do. I can hear you now. If you were here you wouldn’t have let me do it. But you’re not here! And I’m so angry I don’t know what to do Didge, I don’t have the answers without you. I visit your grave every day, but I know you’re not there.
Indy is doing okay, I guess she feels she’s lost her mother, she knows something’s happened. She’s been crying a lot. I talk to her like we use to, and I tell her about you. I won’t let her forget you.
I have to go…. Nothing really helps right now, to ease the pain, they say it’s just time! For me it will be eternity.
I love you Bridget Parker!
Declan s
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Post by jess on Jan 28, 2011 23:30:46 GMT
Nothings the Same Without You
I saw you the other day, well I thought it was you. I saw this girl from behind and for one split second, you were alive to me again. Then she turned around and broke my illusion. My heart sunk ten feet underground. Do you think my heart will ever feel the same again? I’m not really in the writing mood, or any mood for that matter. I just want you back. I’ve never felt pain like it. I did something wrong the other day, I was desperate, and it was another one of those Declan moments you wouldn’t have approved of….. I thought about selling your engagement ring!
Yep, I can hear you saying it, don’t be so foolish Declan! I guess I can hear you when I write, I know what your response will be. I was desperate, I just want Steph to pay for taking you away…. But I couldn’t sell the ring in the end. You would've hated me for it. And Mum would’ve killed me.
Anyway, Tim Collins (my lawyer) has offered to take on the case against Steph, and if we don’t win, I don’t pay him. I don’t have much support though, Mum and Paul are against it, even Zeke, Donna and Ringo don’t want me to sue Steph. They’re just taking sides, I hate them for it. Everyone sucks right now. Everything sucks right now. It hate it. I hate that you’re gone.
I can’t write much more Didge, I can barely breathe, let alone write these words.
I just miss you.
Indy is fine, don’t worry about her, that’s one thing I seem to be doing okay at at the moment….we just take lots of walks. She likes looking at the patterns the trees make when the sun shines through. She’s so pretty, she reminds me so much of you. Sometimes I feel like you’re with us. But mostly I don’t. Mostly I know you’re gone and I’ll never have you with me again. so there's not that much to smile about at the moment!
I love you Bridget Parker.
Dec x
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Post by jess on Jan 28, 2011 23:31:41 GMT
Face to Face
Didge, I met the guy that killed you! I came face to face with him. He did it to get back at Lucas, he thought your car was Lucas’. Lucas caused this, he gambled your life away. He should’ve been the one to go, not you. I sat outside his hotel room. He threw me out. I felt so weak, so completely weak and useless. Who could bring this guy to justice if the police won't? Me??
Y’know Mum, always cooks scones when she’s stressed! I didn't meant to hurt her, but I had to look him in the face. She sent Ringo and Zeke to look for me, to bring me back home. She didn’t like it…. but Paul, he’s so crooked he knew the way to get to this guy, seemed to understand what I was feeling, so he left me a tape recorder, I didn’t know it would be so easy Didge. He actually confessed everything to me? On tape! I showed him a picture of you, with Indy, and he cracked. It was too easy.
I’m not sure if it’s bought me any relief or anything….what can bring me relief with you gone. But in time, it might allow me to move forward knowing justice is done.
The police have him now. Where he belongs.
I apologised to the guys today. I’ve been pretty ruthless lately, and I’ve been taking it out on my mates. You always knew how good our friends were, I need to find my way back to them…. I can’t lose everything!
No need to worry about Indy, she’s fine. She’s just beautiful. Like you were.
Love You Bridget Parker.
Declan x
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Post by jess on Jan 28, 2011 23:32:53 GMT
The Honeymoons over!
Hi Didge, Well, Ringo and I went on our honeymoon this week, yours and my honeymoon that is! Sounds crazy huh. Yep! But you being gone is pretty messed up. It was alright, Mum and Paul bought you and I a honeymoon suite for my birthday. But…. anyway, their hearts were in the right place. Didge, thanks! It took me a while to open the present you left for me. I didn’t really want to open it. It was the last present I would ever get from you….somehow prolonging the moment just kept you with me that little bit longer. But I eventually caved, and as usual, it came with a message from you that lifted me out of the stupor I was in. I was going to quit school, yep…stupid idea! Indy smiled for the first time, and I missed it. I wasn’t there to see her first smile and it freaked me out, I just didn’t want to miss anything else that she does. But…. the diary you gave me and the message you wrote made me realise what an idiot I would be to skip school and ruin my chances for our future, Indy and mine. I need to have a good future, so I can look after Indy. I get that now.
It’s pretty hard to pick up the books though, to study. I don’t know… it’s not like I can’t, it’s more like I just couldn’t be bothered. That’s bad, I know. I’ll get there. I’ll start studying soon. Got the trials in a few weeks. Gotta get my head around it. I’ll be cool.
Not much to talk about really. Ringo’s been really cool, he’s a good mate. We did have fun in the hotel, this lady who worked there thought we were ‘lovers’. That was pretty funny. Yeah, you would’ve laughed your head off.
Zeke looked after Indy, Donna and Sunny helped. They said he was pretty protective, and anxious. Good thing I guess, but I hope it didn’t stress him out too much.
Mum and Paul get married next week. Huh, finally huh. I so hope he doesn’t stuff up this time. Mum really deserves to be happy.
Well Didge, much to do, as always.
And as always, I love you Bridget Parker.
Dec x
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Post by jess on Jan 28, 2011 23:33:25 GMT
The Wedding's Over, too!
Crazy times…Mum and Paul didn’t get married. Mum’s furious, Paul’s a nervous wreck and Lyn Robinson is a home-wrecker. I think Lyn needs a new man, and fast.
Didge, you would have been furious. Not sure who at? Lyn or Paul, or both? Probably both! Mum and Paul were about to tie the knot, they had said their vows, Mum was breathing a sigh of relief when Paul’s ex turns up unannounced and demands the wedding be stopped. Apparently Paul’s still married to her!
Yep…you got it! One major oversight on Paul’s behalf! But when do things ever run smoothly when Paul Robinson’s involved? I feel sorry for him this time, he’s always stuffing up and you can tell he’s feeling really stupid about this one! Some guys just can’t ever get it right. I hope I don’t turn out like that, I hope I can keep myself on the straight and narrow. I know I’ve had my fair-share of stuff-ups, but hopefully I’m not that hopeless by the time I’m Paul’s age! You gotta hope!
But Didge… seriously…. you should’ve seen the aftermath. Lyn was poking around in the garden, apparently she’s got some flowers there from when she use to live in this house, and she told mum they weren’t being looked after. Not good, it just sent Mum over the edge! I don’t blame her really, I would’ve been pretty twisted by that stage too. But then it just turns in to this all out fight. I’m laughing now, just! Oh god, what a sight, Mum in her wedding dress and Lyn and her rolling around kicking and screaming. Chicks just shouldn’t fight, it just looks so wrong!
So glad that’s over… if Paul and Mum ever make it down the aisle again I don’t think Mum will be wearing that dress!
So it’s been quite a week, the drama never ends huh.
Trials start soon. I’ll be cool.
Indy’s growing so much, she’s beautiful. Still in love. I’m getting a lot of help from Mum, and you know Paul pitches in quite a bit, that’s pretty cool. He’s making himself pretty useful, and I think he’s pretty taken with Indy. So all good.
I’m doing alright. I miss you all the time, but I’m okay, I’m getting there.
Love you Bridget Parker, as usual.
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Post by jess on Jan 28, 2011 23:34:37 GMT
Life Goes On....
Blaming Didge for failing to complete one answer on my biology exam is a cop out, in my opinion. Everyone wants me to make Didge as the excuse as to why I didn’t bother picking up a book to study, but the real truth of the matter is that I just couldn’t be bothered. Lazy! Didge would call me ‘Lazy’. Dan and Libby wanted me to put in for special consideration so I wouldn’t fail the Biology exam, the exam paper I picked up, looked through, and put down, not able to answer one single question. How can I blame Bridget for that? I don’t deserve special treatment, the reason why I couldn’t concentrate is because I couldn’t be bothered. End of! Yes, Didge died, yes… it’s been the worse thing that’s ever happened to me, but it doesn’t mean that I have to stop existing. I have Indy to look after now, there is no excuse. I’m not making Didge the excuse for my failings! She wouldn’t like it. I know she wouldn’t. She’d give me a big kick in the right direction, and that would be to stick my head in the books.
Poor Mum. Lyn is causing her so much stress. I can’t help but see some resemblance to the way Paul was once, a bottom-dwelling scavenger! I shouldn’t say that about Paul, but… he did marry her! Maybe his Paul-like behaviour rubbed off on Lyn. Hope it doesn’t rub off on Mum! Lyn’s a scavenger. All she wants is other people’s money!
But… buying the Parker’s house is just over the top! She’s mad if you ask me. She’s practically forced mum, Indy and I out of our home. Mum’s furious. I don’t know what to do? It’s out of my control. I hope Paul fixes it. He needs to put an end to it and get Lyn to back off. She’s really rubbing Mum’s face in it. Bitter and twisted, and slightly mad!
Not sure about this James guy? But Ringo, he’s dead against him. Doesn’t like him at all. He’s trying to find a loop-hole in his story. Donna’s going to dump him and I know Ringo, he’ll be miserable. He should let it go. It was good when Bridget found her birth Mum, even though it wasn’t the Mum she was expecting, at least she was able to bury the illusion she had been carrying around her whole life and then get on with her life. Maybe it will do that for Donna! Show her that the people that are in her life are important, not some family that’s never been around. Like Didge realised.
Gotta hit the books.
Oh, and here's a recent pic of Indy, pretty cute huh. I'm in love, still! Always will be in love with our beautiful daughter.
I love you Bridget Parker.
Dec x
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