Post by sophie on Jan 12, 2010 16:51:06 GMT
Saturday 24th April 2004
I couldn't go to the river today because Mum made me go shopping with her. I hate going shopping. There was a shoe sale on and we were in there for about three hours - it felt that long anyway. I couldn't find anything I liked and nothing fitted anyway so I felt pretty cross - not that I want new shoes anyway. Mum got a pair of black heels which put her in a good mood but she got annoyed when I said I would rather wear a garbage bag than the clothes they had on sale.
"Why can't you be a shopper?" she said irritably. "Lots of girls would do anything for those clothes!"
I remembered what Dad said about being too hard on her so I apologised and bought a sea-green T-shirt which I suppose isn't too awful. That made her happy which was lucky because then she let me go to the river this evening. She was watching some mushy film with Dad.
"Doesn't it rot your brain, Mum?" I teased and she told me not to backchat, which is what grownups say when you're winning an argument. Dad told me to be back by nine and to take my phone. I ran off before they could change their minds.
John was sitting by the water. He had some grog.
"Where did you get that?!" I asked. If Mum and Dad knew about this they'd go beserk.
"I got in a shop," he said.
"Oh, sure," I said sarcastically. "As if they'd think you're eighteen."
"I snuck it out of my brother's cupboard," he admitted.
"Won't he notice?"
"Nah," he shrugged. "He's got loads." He swigged the bottle. "Do you want some?"
I took the bottle. It was some sort of beer. I took a sip and fought to swallow it, it was worse than the red wine Mum let me have when I was ten. I didn't spit the beer out though.
"That's vile," I said, and gave the bottle back. How do people get addicted to that stuff?
"Suit yourself." But he put the bottle down and didn't drink anymore. I don't think he liked it much either as it was pretty full.
The night sky looked nice. I'm not going to give you some long description of it but it did look pretty special. The sun was still up and everywhere looked pink.
"I wish I lived here," I said eventually. "It's boring in the city."
"Maybe some day. You could marry me," he teased.
"In your dreams," I scoffed and he looked a bit hurt. "Not that you're the worst boy I know," I added, to try and sound less mean.
"Well, I don't ever want to get married anyway," he said, though he sounded relieved.
"Me neither." I can't ever imagining myself with a boyfriend and being like those girls in school who spend the whole time yapping about Jason or whoever it is, or Ryan on The OC. I've got better things to do.
We sat out a little longer and then I had to go to back.
Mum looked a bit confused as I said goodnight to her.
"What's that on your breath?"
"Nothing, Mum!" I ran and brushed my teeth and hoped she wouldn't guess and she hasn't.
I've been thinking about John all evening, it's weird.
D XXX
Sunday 25th April 2004
No shopping today, thank God. Mum and Dad had to go to the market again for something but we didn't have to come. Riley sped off to the beach and just said, "See you later". Some days he doesn't say anything. I used to get really upset when he wouldn't take me with him but now I don't care.
John was sitting on the first branch of the tree.
"Oh, not you again," he said, but he was smiling as he said it. Why are guys so weird? I went and sat next to him.
"Do you want to climb the tree?" I asked.
He actually looked a little nervous. "I could watch you, I like this branch."
I stared at him. "Are you scared of heights?"
"No!" But then he sheepishly said, "Yes. A bit."
"I would never have guessed that." I started to climb it myself, still talking to him.
"Be careful!" His eyes were on stalks, which is what Mum says sometimes.
"You sound like my dad!" I stopped half-way up though. "I won't slip, I'm a good climber."
"You never know," he mumbled. "My dad fell out of one and died."
I felt guilty then so I scrambled back down the tree and sat on the branch. "Oh no!" I nearly said sorry but I reckon he wouldn't be happy about that, I know I hate it when people say it to me.
He shrugged. "It's okay."
We were quiet for a moment or two and then he said, "What are you afraid of?"
"Me?"
"I told you I'm scared of heights, what are you scared of?"
I didn't want to tell him. I didn't want to tell him that I'm scared one day I'll wake up back in the children's home. Back in the children's home, all by myself, though I guess Riley could be my guardian now - I wouldn't want that but it would be better than not knowing where you'll end up.
"You don't have to say if you really don't want to."
"No, it's okay. I'm scared I won't be adopted anymore - I'm scared it will have been a dream."
"That would never happen," he said, but not in a horrible way.
"I know."
I can't remember my birth mother at all. I asked Riley about her once but he said he couldn't remember her and then he got angry when I nagged him about it, so I cried. I was only little. One year I got a birthday card from someone saying 'to my darling Bridget' but Mum got very angry and threw it away. I knew better than to ask. I was eight then.
I went home a little while later and Mum and Dad and Riley were back and making something in the kitchen.
"The lost Parker!" Dad announced. "Come on Didge, give us a hand."
I know what I'm frightened of will never happen - my old surname wasn't Parker but I never think about it. I'm a Parker now and I always be.
Didge, xxx
India put the diary away. She couldn't imagine being adopted or being in a children's home. She knew that her mum had nearly changed her mind about keeping her once which had made her very upset, but Dad had said that she felt that way because she had been under heaps of pressure and was very young. "She didn't regret having you for a minute," he had told her.
Mum had only been five years older than Indy when she had got pregnant. Not quite eighteen when she was born and then when she...Don't think about that she ordered herself. It was all so weird, she thought. Mum sounded so definite in her diary - she was never going to like boys, never fall in love, and yet when she was only seventeen it had all happened and she had got married to boot. India didn't know where she'd be at seventeen but was certain it wouldn't be there. Dad didn't talk about his childhood much but she was sure he hadn't liked anyone until he was about sixteen, that anyone being Mum and Mum only. She went downstairs and found Dad reading a magazine.
"Dad?" India asked.
"Yes, Indy?" He answered her but kept reading.
"How do you know when you're grown up?"
He sighed and put the magazine down. "That's a big question."
She went and sat by him. "How do you know?"
"You don't. It's gradual...you feel differently about things as you get older and you'll know you're not a child anymore."
"You weren't a child when you had me but everyone goes on about how young you were."
"We were young. Having you did make us grow up a lot faster. We were teens Indy, you're not a child but you're not a grown up, really. I don't know. I felt miles older when you were born. I don't know when I knew I was an adult. I certainly didn't feel like one when your mum told me she was pregnant, I know I wasn't. But I felt closer when you were born." He looked at her. "I'm not explaining this very well, am I?"
"Not too bad, Dad. I wish there was more of a definite point though."
"We all do!"
Did she want to grow up? she thought, as she got her bike out for ride. Sometimes she longed to and sometimes she wished she was five again when it was more simple. She wondered if it felt differently for girls than boys and longed for her mother yet again. She cycled as quickly as she could, wishing that all these hard things could be swept away by the wind.
I couldn't go to the river today because Mum made me go shopping with her. I hate going shopping. There was a shoe sale on and we were in there for about three hours - it felt that long anyway. I couldn't find anything I liked and nothing fitted anyway so I felt pretty cross - not that I want new shoes anyway. Mum got a pair of black heels which put her in a good mood but she got annoyed when I said I would rather wear a garbage bag than the clothes they had on sale.
"Why can't you be a shopper?" she said irritably. "Lots of girls would do anything for those clothes!"
I remembered what Dad said about being too hard on her so I apologised and bought a sea-green T-shirt which I suppose isn't too awful. That made her happy which was lucky because then she let me go to the river this evening. She was watching some mushy film with Dad.
"Doesn't it rot your brain, Mum?" I teased and she told me not to backchat, which is what grownups say when you're winning an argument. Dad told me to be back by nine and to take my phone. I ran off before they could change their minds.
John was sitting by the water. He had some grog.
"Where did you get that?!" I asked. If Mum and Dad knew about this they'd go beserk.
"I got in a shop," he said.
"Oh, sure," I said sarcastically. "As if they'd think you're eighteen."
"I snuck it out of my brother's cupboard," he admitted.
"Won't he notice?"
"Nah," he shrugged. "He's got loads." He swigged the bottle. "Do you want some?"
I took the bottle. It was some sort of beer. I took a sip and fought to swallow it, it was worse than the red wine Mum let me have when I was ten. I didn't spit the beer out though.
"That's vile," I said, and gave the bottle back. How do people get addicted to that stuff?
"Suit yourself." But he put the bottle down and didn't drink anymore. I don't think he liked it much either as it was pretty full.
The night sky looked nice. I'm not going to give you some long description of it but it did look pretty special. The sun was still up and everywhere looked pink.
"I wish I lived here," I said eventually. "It's boring in the city."
"Maybe some day. You could marry me," he teased.
"In your dreams," I scoffed and he looked a bit hurt. "Not that you're the worst boy I know," I added, to try and sound less mean.
"Well, I don't ever want to get married anyway," he said, though he sounded relieved.
"Me neither." I can't ever imagining myself with a boyfriend and being like those girls in school who spend the whole time yapping about Jason or whoever it is, or Ryan on The OC. I've got better things to do.
We sat out a little longer and then I had to go to back.
Mum looked a bit confused as I said goodnight to her.
"What's that on your breath?"
"Nothing, Mum!" I ran and brushed my teeth and hoped she wouldn't guess and she hasn't.
I've been thinking about John all evening, it's weird.
D XXX
Sunday 25th April 2004
No shopping today, thank God. Mum and Dad had to go to the market again for something but we didn't have to come. Riley sped off to the beach and just said, "See you later". Some days he doesn't say anything. I used to get really upset when he wouldn't take me with him but now I don't care.
John was sitting on the first branch of the tree.
"Oh, not you again," he said, but he was smiling as he said it. Why are guys so weird? I went and sat next to him.
"Do you want to climb the tree?" I asked.
He actually looked a little nervous. "I could watch you, I like this branch."
I stared at him. "Are you scared of heights?"
"No!" But then he sheepishly said, "Yes. A bit."
"I would never have guessed that." I started to climb it myself, still talking to him.
"Be careful!" His eyes were on stalks, which is what Mum says sometimes.
"You sound like my dad!" I stopped half-way up though. "I won't slip, I'm a good climber."
"You never know," he mumbled. "My dad fell out of one and died."
I felt guilty then so I scrambled back down the tree and sat on the branch. "Oh no!" I nearly said sorry but I reckon he wouldn't be happy about that, I know I hate it when people say it to me.
He shrugged. "It's okay."
We were quiet for a moment or two and then he said, "What are you afraid of?"
"Me?"
"I told you I'm scared of heights, what are you scared of?"
I didn't want to tell him. I didn't want to tell him that I'm scared one day I'll wake up back in the children's home. Back in the children's home, all by myself, though I guess Riley could be my guardian now - I wouldn't want that but it would be better than not knowing where you'll end up.
"You don't have to say if you really don't want to."
"No, it's okay. I'm scared I won't be adopted anymore - I'm scared it will have been a dream."
"That would never happen," he said, but not in a horrible way.
"I know."
I can't remember my birth mother at all. I asked Riley about her once but he said he couldn't remember her and then he got angry when I nagged him about it, so I cried. I was only little. One year I got a birthday card from someone saying 'to my darling Bridget' but Mum got very angry and threw it away. I knew better than to ask. I was eight then.
I went home a little while later and Mum and Dad and Riley were back and making something in the kitchen.
"The lost Parker!" Dad announced. "Come on Didge, give us a hand."
I know what I'm frightened of will never happen - my old surname wasn't Parker but I never think about it. I'm a Parker now and I always be.
Didge, xxx
India put the diary away. She couldn't imagine being adopted or being in a children's home. She knew that her mum had nearly changed her mind about keeping her once which had made her very upset, but Dad had said that she felt that way because she had been under heaps of pressure and was very young. "She didn't regret having you for a minute," he had told her.
Mum had only been five years older than Indy when she had got pregnant. Not quite eighteen when she was born and then when she...Don't think about that she ordered herself. It was all so weird, she thought. Mum sounded so definite in her diary - she was never going to like boys, never fall in love, and yet when she was only seventeen it had all happened and she had got married to boot. India didn't know where she'd be at seventeen but was certain it wouldn't be there. Dad didn't talk about his childhood much but she was sure he hadn't liked anyone until he was about sixteen, that anyone being Mum and Mum only. She went downstairs and found Dad reading a magazine.
"Dad?" India asked.
"Yes, Indy?" He answered her but kept reading.
"How do you know when you're grown up?"
He sighed and put the magazine down. "That's a big question."
She went and sat by him. "How do you know?"
"You don't. It's gradual...you feel differently about things as you get older and you'll know you're not a child anymore."
"You weren't a child when you had me but everyone goes on about how young you were."
"We were young. Having you did make us grow up a lot faster. We were teens Indy, you're not a child but you're not a grown up, really. I don't know. I felt miles older when you were born. I don't know when I knew I was an adult. I certainly didn't feel like one when your mum told me she was pregnant, I know I wasn't. But I felt closer when you were born." He looked at her. "I'm not explaining this very well, am I?"
"Not too bad, Dad. I wish there was more of a definite point though."
"We all do!"
Did she want to grow up? she thought, as she got her bike out for ride. Sometimes she longed to and sometimes she wished she was five again when it was more simple. She wondered if it felt differently for girls than boys and longed for her mother yet again. She cycled as quickly as she could, wishing that all these hard things could be swept away by the wind.