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Post by Bee on Oct 14, 2010 10:02:12 GMT
naww that was beautiful Sophie (:
cant wait for more!!
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Post by sophie on Oct 15, 2010 13:43:50 GMT
Thanks!
Bridget looked down at her new daughter. She didn’t want to let go of her, to put her into the cot, because she remembered too well giving birth to India and then not being able to hold her, the best moment of her life turning into the worst. It hurt now letting other people hold her little girl, even Declan, and even though sensibly she knew that nothing would happen she could not relax until her baby was back in her arms, and Bridget wondered if and when that would cease. But for now she would simply enjoy her daughter. It was the middle of the day and Steve, Miranda and Riley had come for another visit that morning and Declan had gone for lunch. Bridget was going home the next day and couldn’t wait. She missed her elder daughter more than anything and it still felt strange to think that she had two of them now. Suddenly there was a knock at the door.
“Come in,” said Bridget, puzzled. Declan wouldn’t have knocked and Donna and Zeke were working.
It was Joanna.
“Hi,” she said shyly. “The nurse said I could come in but I’ll understand if you want me to go away.”
“I don’t want you to go away,” said Bridget. “Come and sit down.”
Joanna came over but stood awkwardly for a moment before pulling over a chair.
“You look like I did,” she told her, looking at her daughter with the baby in her arms. “When I had you.”
“Do I?” asked Bridget, feeling vulnerable.
“Exactly.”
Bridget looked up at her and sniffled.
“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice wobbling. “My hormones are still all over the place...”
“Oh, Bridget don’t be ashamed to cry,” said Joanna anxiously. “Why shouldn’t you?”
“I don’t know,” said Bridget, wiping her eyes. “You’re meant to be ashamed, aren’t you? I don’t know. Do I really look like you?” she asked again.
“Yes, sitting alone in the hospital bed with your baby girl.” Joanna paused, thoughtfully, and then asked, in a worried voice, “Where’s Declan?”
“He’s just gone to get some lunch.”
“That’s good,” said Joanna in relief and Bridget knew what she was remembering. “You know, when I had you and Riley, Thomas nearly had to be prised away,” and she smiled sadly.
“Dec’s the same.”
“I’m glad,” she said softly. “It’s the way it should be. Does this little one have a name?” she asked.
“Yes. We’ve called her Louise.”
“Louise,” echoed Joanna, and gave a sad smile. “That’s a beautiful name.”
“She likes it, I think,” said Bridget, smiling, and traced her daughter’s face. “It suits her.”
“She’s so beautiful. Do you really not mind me coming?” she asked again, suddenly. “I didn’t come before because I wasn’t sure...”
“Of course not. You should bring Josie and Clara too.”
“They’re at school but I can bring them later,” said Joanna in relief.
"You should."
"How was the birth?" asked Joanna anxiously.
"Long. It felt like it would never end. How on earth did you do it four times?" exclaimed Bridget.
"Well, with Riley Thomas stuck by me and promised me that it would work out, and the same with you, so I decided to go through with it, though really, it didn't feel like I had much of choice. And Josie and Clara were planned. Honestly, Bridget, I don't know how I did it, I guess I just focused on the end result," she said, looking fondly down at Louise in Bridget's arms. "But I knew after Josie that I would never do it again. I felt sad when she stopped being a baby though, even though I knew it was for the best."
Joanna looked sad, thinking back.
“Do you want a hold?” suggested Bridget without thinking about it.
“Really?” whispered Joanna and Bridget nodded and, with an old knowledge, Joanna took the baby and nestled her into her arms.
“You’re so perfect,” she whispered and Bridget watched them happily, never imagining before that one day her biological mother would hold her daughter. It was wonderful to see in a way she couldn’t explain.
Suddenly the door opened and Declan came in with a tray. He stood there in shock.
“Oh,” said Joanna, quickly. “Bridget said I could come in.”
“Why shouldn’t she?” asked Declan and he deftly put down the tray and came over. Joanna quickly handed the baby back to him and he held her protectively, and she snuffled in his arms.
“Guys,” said Bridget, trying to sit up, but Joanna got up first.
“I should go. Thank you, for letting me hold her. I’ll come later with the girls. Goodbye, Declan,” and she hurried to door and out of the room.
“Dec,” said Bridget, feeling sad and angry, but then her daughter started crying.
“I think she needs a feed,” said Declan and Bridget sighed and took her.
“She didn’t have to go, you know,” said Bridget, supporting her daughter and looking over her head.
“I know she didn’t.”
“You made her feel like she did.”
“Well, I didn’t mean to,” said Declan in frustration. “I was just surprised.”
“But you told me not to burn bridges with her,” exclaimed Bridget, winding Louise and tying her gown back up. “How am I supposed to feel comfortable with her if you don’t?”
Declan was silent for a moment.
“I sound like a hypocrite,” he said, and Bridget was silent. “I don’t mean to be. It’s like when she’s not there I know it shouldn’t be hard and I don’t think it will be, and then when she is it’s difficult.”
“You were okay with her last time,” said Bridget thoughtfully.
“I was ready for it...I don’t know, Didge. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” she said, a little sadly. “It’s okay.”
The day passed smoothly. Rebecca and India came back to visit and India seemed quiet again, but Bridget hoped it was just the shock.
“We’ve called her Louise,” Bridget told her. “Do you like that name?”
“It’s okay,” said India quietly, looking at her sister.
“It’s my middle name.”
“It’s pretty, Mummy,” said India, but before Bridget could talk to her anymore Louise started crying and Bridget had to calm her down and it took a while. India looked a little annoyed but then Declan agreed to go home for dinner and she looked happy again, but sad to leave her mother. Bridget felt sad too and waved goodbye to her family. She sat with her baby, feeling a little lonely when suddenly there was a knock on the door.
“Come in,” said Bridget, expecting to see Joanna and the girls, but it was her brother.
“Riley!” she exclaimed, and sat up. “What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to see you again,” he said. “And Mum and Dad went out for the evening.”
“Well, come and sit down,” she said and he sat awkwardly on the edge of the bed. “Here, hold Louise.”
He took her, looking uncertain as the baby wriggled in his arms.
“I can’t get used to holding her,” he said. “I don’t know what that says about me. Maybe I should never have a baby!”
“It’s different with your own one,” she assured him. “Hey, she likes you! She knows you’re her uncle.”
“I don’t know about that,” said Riley, but he smiled back down at her. “Didge, I wish I could stay longer.”
“Do you really have to go back?” she asked sadly and he nodded.
“Yeah, on Sunday. I would stay longer, but I have to go back to work.”
“Great timing, huh?” she sighed, looking down at her daughter.
“Hey, I got to see her before I went back. I’ll come for longer next time, or maybe you could come and see me!”
“I don’t know how good it would be to travel with a new baby.”
“You took Indy to Queensland when she was three weeks old.”
“Yeah, and that was a fun trip!” exclaimed Bridget sarcastically. “She was so unsettled the whole time. But I guess you’re right, I could try it. We’ll see.”
“It doesn’t matter which way round we do it,” said Riley. “We should try and get Josie and Clara to come too.”
“Speaking of, they’re on their way. Joanna came earlier.”
Riley looked astonished.
“I thought you were upset with her.”
“I was,” she admitted, going red. “But I sort of talked it out when I went over...I guess we got somewhere and she decided to come along,” she said fondly, looking at Louise. “It was a bit awkward, but okay.”
“I’m glad,” said Riley, giving her a shy grin and then there was a knock and it was Joanna and her sisters.
“Hey guys,” said Bridget, smiling at the three of them. “Come and sit down.”
“Is that her?” squeaked Josie, looking at Louise who was still in Riley’s arms.
“Who else is it going to be?” asked Clara, a little snottily, and Joanna was about to rebuke her when Josie stuck her tongue out at her and gave her a grin, and she shut her mouth, deciding to let it go.
“Josie, do you want to hold her?” asked Bridget. “We’ve called her Louise.”
Riley passed her to her aunt and Josie held her with an expression of joy.
“There’s your niece!” exclaimed Bridget, and Riley took a photo. “What do you think of her?”
“She’s tiny,” whispered Josie. “She has our hair!”
“Which means she’ll probably be as naughty as her mum was,” put in Riley and Bridget rolled her eyes at him.
“I have that hair and I’m not very naughty,” said Josie defensively but Clara shook her head.
“Yeah, you are, you just hide it!”
“Girls,” admonished Joanna. “Don’t start bickering now, please.”
“We’re not bickering,” protested Josie, but the matter was dropped.
“I’m sorry, guys,” said Bridget apologetically. “I’ve missed Wednesday night dinner for the second time in a row.”
“Well, you had good reason,” said Joanna.
“Did you really go into labour at our house?” asked Josie incredulously and Bridget nodded.
“I did. It was a bit scary but your mum kept me calm. We sorted everything out.”
“I can’t imagine you being scared of anything,” said Josie honestly and Bridget marvelled at her.
“Of course I was scared. Lots of things are scary.”
“I thought you got less scared as you grew up.”
“It just changes,” Bridget told her, and she looked at the baby.
“Clara, do you want to hold her?” Bridget asked her other sister, who was mooching in the corner.
“I don’t know how to hold a baby.”
“It’s easy,” said Bridget, taking Louise from Josie’s arms. “Hold her head. That’s it. See, you’re holding her!” and Riley took a picture of Clara looking uncertain with Louise in her arms.
“I remember you holding Josie for the first time,” said Joanna to her.
“Really?” asked Clara. “I sort of remember it...”
“You were only two, darling.”
“I can still remember it,” said Clara stubbornly. “You wore a purple nightie and I remember holding Dad’s hand and you were smiling in the bed. You were by a window.”
“Maybe you do remember, it after all,” said Joanna thoughtfully.
“I said I did,” said Clara sulkily. “Josie was in a pink blanket.”
Joanna still looked thoughtful and now slightly annoyed at her daughter’s tone and Bridget guessed that they still hadn’t sorted out their argument, and wondered when they would. She changed the subject.
“I’m going home tomorrow,” she said cheerfully. “And Riley’s going on Sunday afternoon, so we’re going to have a little party. It’ll be for Louise coming and Riley going. You guys are welcome to come.”
“What about Dad’s?” asked Josie anxiously and her mother said, “I’m sure he’ll understand. It’s the birth of your niece.”
“Half-niece,” mumbled Clara and Riley corrected, “Niece,” softly.
Josie and Clara had some snacks in their bag and they shared them out.
“This is better than Wednesday night dinner,” Josie decided and they all agreed. They stayed for a while longer, took some more photos and then they left. Joanna, Josie, Clara and Riley were halfway down the corridor when Declan came back from dinner at Rebecca’s. He hesitated when he saw Joanna.
“Come on, guys,” said Riley quickly. “Let’s see if we can beat your mum to the car.”
They hurried ahead and Joanna looked at her daughter’s husband, uncertain.
“Thank you,” he said quietly. “For keeping Didge calm when her waters broke. Thank you.”
“I did what anyone would do,” she said.
“No, you kept her calm. I’ll always be grateful and I’m sorry if...if I ever seem angry.”
Joanna didn’t know what to say.
“I understand, Declan. I never meant that you would be a bad father or abandon her. It’s only because my life was so hard after I got pregnant.”
“I know,” he said quietly, gave her a sort of smile and went back to Bridget’s room.
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Post by sophie on Oct 17, 2010 23:27:37 GMT
The front room was an explosion of pink. Balloons, gifts and cards filled the room, including one from Rachel which read Congratulations on your Daughter – number two! added in black pen by her hand. Bridget smiled, reading it again. She had called Rachel the morning after Louise's birth to tell her the news and sent her some pictures, but that wasn't the same as seeing her.
"When can you come back?" she had asked.
"I don't know," said Rachel sadly. "As soon as I can. Give your little girl lots of hugs and kisses from me for now though."
"I will," said Bridget sadly, and they had talked for a little longer but then Rachel had had to go.
"Love you, Didge. And mini-Didge!"
Bridget had laughed.
"She's not mini-Didge! She's...well, she doesn't have a name yet, but she's special already."
"I know she is," agreed Rachel. "You know what I mean! Okay, I love you both. Bye."
"Bye," Bridget had said sadly, and hung up. Now she admired her card again and wished that she was here to join in the party. The room was filled with balloons and presents and laughter as Declan took Louise around the room and everyone admired her. Mum, Dad and Riley were there and so were Donna, Zeke, Jess and Theo, who looked around the room with wide-eyed excitement, grabbing whatever he could get his little hands on, and Rebecca, and Joanna, Josie and Clara were on their way. People who hadn't been able to come had kindly sent cards and presents, including Bridget's boss, which was a wonderful surprise, and she had even sent Louise a small teddy bear. They had shown it to her but Louise was still too small to appreciate it.
"But wasn't that so lovely of her?" said Bridget fondly to Declan. "I didn't expect anything at all."
Louise had a steadily growing pile of teddy bears already, the first being from Miranda and Steve and the second from Rebecca. Rebecca's was a regular brown one but Miranda's was pink.
"I tried to talk her out of it," Riley told his sister, rolling his eyes, "but she wasn't having any of it!"
"She might like pink," said Miranda defensively. "And I wanted to give her a special teddy!"
"I'm sure she'll love it, Mum," said Bridget. "Even if she doesn't like pink, she'll love it because it's from you!"
Miranda had blushed happily and the matter had been resolved. Louise's teddy collection had now expanded alarmingly and practically filled a corner of the room, including a giant one which had been sent from Declan's work and was almost as big as India, who had tried to climb onto its lap. Speaking of, Bridget watched her eldest daughter wander around the room and then stand awkwardly next to Miranda who was giving Louise a cuddle, who didn't notice India sidle up next to her. India looked upset and Bridget was going to go over when suddenly the phone rang.
"Hello?" she asked over the laughter of the party.
"Didge?" came a familiar voice she hadn't heard for a while.
"Mickey?" she echoed uncertainly.
"Hey!" he said. "How's it going? How's my new cousin?"
"She's great," said Bridget happily. "How are you?"
"Fine – did you get our card?"
"Yes." Bridget had received one from Ned, Kirsten and Mickey the day before. "Thanks, guys."
"You're welcome. What's going on your end?"
"We're having a party for Louise," Bridget told him. "And Riley's going later. Are your mum and dad there?"
"Sorry, they had to go out for some garage thing, but they send their love."
"Thank them for the card," said Bridget fondly. "Do you know when you're next coming down?"
"No, not yet, but kiss Louise from me. I promise I won't be jealous of my new cousin this time!"
"Okay!" laughed Bridget, and they talked a little longer and then said their goodbyes. As she hung up the phone Bridget looked down and saw India standing next to her.
"Hello," said Bridget fondly.
"Who was on the phone?" asked India, sucking her thumb.
"Don't do that, sweetie. It was Mickey."
"Why didn't I get to talk to him?" cried India sadly and Bridget felt guilty.
"I'm sorry, darling. He couldn't talk for long and I thought you were busy talking to Nan. He sends his love."
"Nan was talking to Louise," said India sulkily. "Everyone's talking to Louise!"
"It's a party for her," said Bridget stern;y. "And when you were born everyone came to see you!"
India stuck her bottom lip out.
"I'm bored," she said irritably and Bridget felt irritated. She was already feeling drained from just an hour of the party and Louise had cried for a good hour before it had started, and for two hours early that morning.
"Indy, just...." but before she could think of anything to say the doorbell rang and her daughter ran to answer it. It was Joanna, Josie and Clara, carrying a toy rabbit.
"Hey guys!" exclaimed Bridget. "Come in. Oh, that's so nice of you, you didn't have to bring a present!"
"We wanted to," said Joanna. "I'm sorry if it's a bit boring...I suppose she must have a million cuddly toys by now."
"Mainly teddies – this is her first rabbit!"
"I picked it out," said Josie proudly.
"You did a good job," said Bridget fondly. "Now, let me get the special girl herself..." and her voice trailed off as she saw Miranda still holding Louise with a slightly frozen smile on her face. She walked over uncertainly but Miranda didn't seem too upset.
"Here she is," said Miranda softly, gently passing Louise over to Bridget, who fussed a little but settled back down.
"Are you okay, Mum? I'll understand if it's too much," said Bridget anxiously, giving her daughter a quick kiss.
"I'm fine," said Miranda. "Don't worry about me, I really am. You go and introduce your little girl."
"I love you, Mum," said Bridget, and she gave her mother a quick kiss too and Miranda gave a real smile.
"Here she is," said Bridget softly, coming back over, where the three of them and India still stood.
"You're very well-behaved," said Joanna gently, taking her from Bridget's arms, but a cross voice cut in with, "She woke me up this morning!"
"I'm afraid that's what babies do!" laughed Joanna but India didn't look amused. "She's so beautiful you can't be annoyed with her."
India pressed her lips together and folded her arms and, not wishing her eldest to tell Joanna exactly how unbeautiful she found her little sister, Bridget quickly said, "Indy, why don't you take Josie and Clara to the kitchen and get them some lemonade?"
"Okay," she sighed and led Josie and Clara away. Joanna raised her eyebrows and they went and sat on an empty sofa.
"Sibling rivalry in full swing?"
"I don't know," said Bridget in a tired voice. "Louise has only been home for two days – she's cried a bit, but not too bad. India's just getting used to her, I guess."
"I'm sure she'll be fine with her once the fuss has died down," said Joanna in a comforting voice. "She's probably just feeling a little left out."
"Mm," said Bridget in concern. When Rebecca had arrived she had given a present of a babygro to Bridget and a small tube of lollies to India, who was thrilled.
"But you've already given us a present!" Bridget had exclaimed, holding her babygro in front of her and admiring it.
"You always need more babygros," said Rebecca knowledgably. "And besides, I like spoiling my granddaughter. Both my granddaughters!"
"You didn't have to give Indy a present. Thanks, Rebecca," said Bridget fondly. "And young lady, where are your manners?"
"Thank you!" India had shrieked and hugged her grandmother, and she opened her present to offer some to her mother and grandmother but her shriek had woken up her little sister and both had hurried to placate her leaving India alone to eat them herself and she had chewed them unhappily.
"It'll be fine," promised Joanna and Bridget gave a quick smile and nod.
"I know she loves her, even if she's not showing it much."
"I know how that feels," said Joanna, thinking back and she laughed a little in memory but then there came a call of, "Mum!" from her own daughter and Joanna gave the baby to Bridget and both hurried to the kitchen to see Clara, Josie and India standing in a puddle of lemonade with the bottle lying open and sideways on the counter, alongside three brimming cups.
"India!" cried Bridget, whilst Joanna righted the bottle. "What happened?"
"She insisted on pouring it herself," explained Clara. "We said we would but she said she knew how to pour lemonade."
"The bottle tipped!" said India tearfully but Bridget felt too annoyed to remember that it was an accident.
"Why didn't you let Josie or Clara pour it?"
"Because you said to get them lemonade!"
"I didn't mean you should pour it!" exclaimed Bridget angrily and India's face fell. "You know you're not meant to try and pour drinks without help – that's a whole bottle of lemonade completely wasted!"
"Look, it's okay," said Joanna quickly, picking up a cloth. "I can clean it up. Don't worry about it Bridget, you go and concentrate on the party."
"I should clean it up," said Bridget unhappily. "You're the guest," but before anything else could be said Louise's wails filled the air and Bridget groaned and took her to the nursery to calm her down. When she came back, ten minutes later, the mess had been cleaned up and Joanna was sitting with her daughters and India on the sofa, cheering her up.
"Not all the lemonade was wasted," Joanna told her. "There was a lot left in the bottle after all. I don't know why these two didn't pick it up straightaway!" and Josie and Clara looked uncomfortable.
"It's okay," said Bridget quickly, feeling tired. "It's okay. I shouldn't have got upset."
"Sorry, Mummy," said India tearfully and Bridget felt less annoyed.
"It's okay, Indy. Just don't do it again, promise?"
"Promise," sniffled India and the matter was dropped.
"How's my Little Miss?" asked Declan anxiously, and when India opened her mouth to answer she saw that her father was asking about Louise who was lying in her mother's arms, and she felt cross and angry all over again.
"She's fine," said Bridget fondly. "Just had a little upset, didn't you? Here, go to your daddy," and she handed Louise to him. India felt like shouting but instead she pushed herself off the sofa and stamped upstairs to the toilet, hoping they were all worried about her, but when she went back down she saw that they were all looking at Louise and hadn't thought about her at all. She sat on an armchair in the corner of the room, away from the sofa where everyone was gathered and sulked.
"There you are. Do you want a drink?" asked her mother, coming over.
"No," said India irritably, even though she did want one, but her mother simply raised her eyebrows and left her alone.
"Hey," said Riley, catching his sister in the way back to the sofa. "How do you reckon Joanna and Clara are? Do you think they've made up?"
"No," said Bridget honestly. "I thought they would have already, but they both seem so hurt."
"I hope they do," said Riley, looking over to them. Joanna was drinking some lemonade and watching Josie tell Clara a story, who was looking bored.
"Me too."
"I wanted them to have made up by the time I left," said Riley, and when Clara got up she went over to talk to them.
"Have you made up with your mum?" asked Riley bluntly and she looked a little surprised and then annoyed.
"What do you think?"
"I think you're being cheeky," Bridget told her. "And I think you're being too stubborn and should talk to her."
"She won't talk to me," said Clara, folding her arms. "And you two can talk about being stubborn!" and Bridget and Riley exchanged looks. For once Bridget wished it didn't run in the family.
"This isn't about us," said Bridget. "It's about you. We're all stubborn, I know, all of us, even Indy, but sometimes you have to back down a bit."
"Maybe I don't want to," said Clara but she didn't sound very convincing.
"I want you to make up," said Riley and Clara looked down. "I'm going back tonight and I want you to make up. Just promise me you'll try."
Clara made a non-committal noise and went to get another drink and Bridget shrugged and sighed.
"I guess it'll sort itself out," she said uncertainly and Riley shrugged as well and they went back to the sofa.
The party wore on.
"Look at Theo," said Jessica fondly, who was on the floor by his parents' feet and crawling around in excitement. "I can't believe how fast he's getting!"
"I can't believe that he's five months old!" exclaimed Bridget, lifting him up for a moment when he raised his arms, and then putting him back down again. "I remember going to your house for his welcome home party!"
"I know," said Jessica, a little sadly. "And in no time at all my baby boy will be turning one, then two and then three and I won't even have a baby anymore!"
"Oh Jess, you've got heaps of time to enjoy him being a baby," assured Bridget. "And look at him crawling everwhere – Theo, no!" as he reached up to the table and tried to grab a glass of lemonade.
"He's curious already," said Zeke. "And it's tiring!"
"Indy was the same," laughed Bridget, looking over to her daughter who had got up and was examining the pile of presents.
"I expect this one will be too," said Declan fondly, looking down at Louise, who was asleep in his arms and Bridget sighed in anticipation.
"I'm excited and nervous all at once!" she admitted. "I remember what it was like with India!"
When there was a lull in conversation Bridget found the girl in question still standing by the presents.
"Do you want to come and join the party?" she asked gently. "Indy?"
"Why can't I have a present?" India asked sulkily, ignoring her mother's question and Bridget felt annoyed with her again. "Louise has heaps and she's just a baby!"
"Stop being so selfish," said Bridget angrily. "You know Grandma gave you a present and besides, you've just had your birthday and think of all the presents you got then! It's Louise's turn."
India looked upset and picked up a teddy and hugged it.
"I want a teddy too!"
"You already have two," snapped Bridget. "I don't know what's got into you today. Now come and sit down and stop sulking."
"No," said India and Bridget felt tired of trying to reason with her. Maybe it was best not to. Tough love, or whatever they called it.
"Fine. Sit here by yourself then and don't enjoy the party."
"I will," said India, who was as stubborn as her mother, but when Bridget walked away she felt sad. She was like her mother in that way too.
It began to get late and Riley found his sister.
"Didge," he said. "I'm really sorry, but I've got to go. I want to make a start before it gets too late."
"Oh, Ri," said Bridget sadly, hugging him. "I wish you could stay for longer."
"Me too," he said, but it was when his other two sisters ran up to hug him too that he felt really upset.
"When are you coming back?" asked Josie.
"Soon," he promised. "I don't know exactly when, but soon. Hey, maybe you guys can come to Sydney – you can visit anytime. Oh, Clara!" as suddenly, out of nowhere she started crying suddenly and hugged him tightly.
"Hey," he said softly. "What is it?"
"I don't want you to go," she cried. "I don't want you to go!"
"It's not so long," he promised, and looked at Joanna, worried, who tentatively put a hand on her daughter's back. Clara shook it off.
"Come on," he said, trying to be stern. "I want you to make up with your mum."
"Sorry for crying," she mumbled, pulling away and wiping at her eyes and he hugged her again.
"Goodbye, Riley," said Joanna quietly and out of nowhere he gave her a hug too. Joanna looked for a moment as if she would cry too and so did Bridget. Never had she expected her brother to hug Joanna.
"Oh, goodbye," she said softly and Riley gave her a watery smile. Some tears fell down her cheeks but she brushed them away.
"I have to say goodbye to Mum and Dad," he said and Joanna looked shocked and then shook herself.
"Of course," she said quickly and he went to them and then everyone followed him outside.
"Safe drive, darling," sniffled Miranda and Steve gave him a suffocating hug.
"Call us when you get back, mate."
"You know I will. Oh Didge, not you too!" as his sister felt emotional. "Don't get all soppy!"
"I'm not," she said, roughly wiping away a tear. "You know I never cry!"
He laughed.
"Dec," he said, and shook his brother-in-law's hand and then gave him a quick hug. "Look after my sister, all right?"
"You know I will!"
India started sniffling.
"Goodbye, Indy," he said, and hugged his niece. "Look after your mum and sister, okay?"
"Okay," she said quietly, and he gave her another kiss and cuddle and then he hugged his other little sisters again.
"Make up with your mum," he said to Clara in a serious voice and she looked down. "I mean it."
Riley went and kissed his new niece again.
"Goodbye, little lady," he said softly. "You look after your mum and sister too. Goodbye, Didge," and he kissed his sister and parents again and then finally climbed into his van and everyone raised their glasses to drink to his farewell.
"Goodbye! Safe journey!" everyone called. "Goodbye!"
Riley tooted his horn, waved again and then drove away, disappearing into the falling dusk. Then he was gone.
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Post by Bee on Oct 18, 2010 2:20:55 GMT
great update Sophie (:
cant wait for more!!
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Post by sophie on Oct 20, 2010 21:04:30 GMT
The school holidays could not have started at a worse time. Louise was just a week old but making enough noise to make up for it, and Bridget didn't know what to do what with having her other daughter home as well. She hadn't been crying when Declan had left that morning to go back to the office.
"I wish I wasn't going," he said sadly, kissing the top of his wife and daughter's heads.
"I wish you weren't too," said Bridget honestly and a crease appeared in Declan's brow and he made to sit down again.
"Are you sure you don't want me to try and get another day off?"
"Don't be silly," said Bridget, smiling. "I'll have a great day spoiling the girls."
"But I want to stay and spoil you too," said Declan, grinning, but he looked relieved.
"We'll be fine," promised Bridget. "Look, she's happy today and maybe I can take Indy to the park. It's the start of the holidays."
"Okay. Are you happy about that Miss?" asked Declan, as India came bounding up to the table, still in her pyjamas.
"Yeah! No more yucky school dress!"
Declan had laughed and kissed Bridget again.
"Any more plans for the day?"
"Indy's going to Lydia's house this afternoon," reminded Bridget. "So I might do some study then."
Declan's mouth had fallen open.
"Studying?! You've just had a baby!"
"I don't want to get behind," she'd protested. "And if this one behaves, I can get some reading done and maybe make some notes during her nap."
He'd shaken his head at her.
"You're crazy. Isn't Mummy crazy, Indy?"
"Crazy," agreed India and had laughed when Bridget stuck her tongue out at them.
"Have a great day, guys," he said, and left, with India calling, "We're girls!" indignantly.
Now Bridget wished that he had stayed home after all. The minute he had gone Louise had started wailing and India had put her hands over her ears and gone to get dressed, leaving her cornflakes to go soggy.
"What is it?" she exclaimed over her daughter's cries. "You were fine when your daddy was here!"
Louise continued to cry and Bridget knew she could not be hungry as she had fed her just before breakfast. Bridget rubbed her back and sang some sort of lullaby over her howls, rocking her back and forth and finally her crying ceased but Bridget's relief was shortlived as it had only been for her to be horribly sick all over her mother's back. Bridget groaned, went to change her top and soon as she had her daughter began to cry again and she took her to the nursery and sat on the rocking chair, trying to comfort her, but it didn't seem to work.
"Can we go to the park?" came a sudden call from the doorway and Bridget looked up to see India standing there in her overalls, looking hopeful.
"The park?" she echoed doubtfully. "I don't know, darling. Louise is still crying..."
India looked very disappointed.
"Did you eat your breakfast?"
"Yes," said India glumly. "Mummy, please can we go to the park?"
"Okay. We can go in half an hour," promised Bridget rashly and India cheered up slightly. Bridget didn't really know why she had said that – Louise could probably cry all morning but she too, like India, had been looking forward to the park too for the simple fact of getting out in the fresh air and not being stuck inside all day like she had been in the hospital. And half an hour was a goal, she said to herself, trying to feel more optimistic, but twenty minutes time her optimism had severely waned as Louise cried as much as she had twenty minutes before, if not louder, and by the time India had returned to the nursery Louise was truly roaring and her elder sister looked cross.
"Why's she so loud?"
"I don't know, Indy," said Bridget wearily. "She's a baby and babies cry. You cried just as loudly. Now go and get your coat and shoes on."
"Did I cry louder than that?" asked India in disbelief over the racket, as her mother followed her to the front door and she stuck her shoes on and her coat.
"Shoes on properly, please. I don't know, but she's certainly giving you a run for your money!"
"I cried louder," said India firmly, tying her shoes.
Bridget gently put Louise into the pram, who was still crying as loudly as ever, and they set off down the street.
"Do you want to push the pram?"
"No thanks," said India sulkily and she ran ahead. Bridget sighed, worrying about her. India did not seem happy about the baby. Bridget had been bursting to get home and settle Louise down and let India really get to know her sister, but when they had got back and Bridget had lifted her out of the carrier and said, "Indy, do you want to hold her?" her daughter had said, "No thanks," and scowled. Bridget had felt hurt and disappointed but before she could talk to her properly Rebecca was sitting next to her and gushing, and Bridget had let her hold her, and then Declan, whilst India read her book in the armchair. Then, when they had left, Miranda and Steve had come over and for once she had had eyes for someone other than Indy, and the same had happened with Zeke and Donna. And then Louise had decided to start crying and it had taken a whole evening to settle her down, and Declan had put India to bed and then she had had school the next day. India had come home in a powerfully bad mood but would not tell her mother why, and had instead gone upstairs and slammed her bedroom door, making Louise cry again, and then they'd had to both settle her. On Saturday they had gone to Rebecca's and had a meal and Miranda and Steve had come too and then they'd had to get the house ready for the party whilst India watched and refused to help. Somehow Bridget had not had a real chance to talk to her but hopefully, with it being the school holidays and her being on maternity leave Bridget would be able to get some sense out of her and talk her round. Bridget was sure – or told herself that she was – that as soon as she reassured India that she was just as loved and as soon as India had a proper cuddle with her sister everything would be fine again, except, she thought slightly desperately, for Louise's constant crying. She was like her big sister already. Bridget did not allow herself to think about what she would do if India did not come round and put it out of her tired mind and opened the park gate, where India was already racing towards the swings. Bridget went and sat on a nearby bench, rocking the pram back and forth, hoping that fresh air would calm Louise down.
"Mummy, look at me!" shouted India over the noise. She was standing up on the swing instead of sitting on it and swinging as hard as she could. Declan would be having a heart attack, Bridget thought wryly.
"That's great, darling! Be careful, okay?"
"Okay," said India cheerfully and sat down on the swing properly. "I want to touch the clouds anyway!"
"That's great," said Bridget in relief, lifting Louise out of the pram and trying to soothe her. If India was busy swinging she could concentrate on her youngest.
"Mummy, come and swing with me! See who can swing highest!"
"Indy, I can't," said Bridget apologetically. "I can't leave Louise in the pram."
India looked annoyed.
"But she's right by the bench!"
"India, you can't leave babies alone and even if you could, Louise is crying. I've got to settle her."
"If she stops crying will you come and swing?"
"No," said Bridget in frustration. "I've just told you, you can't leave babies whether they're crying or not!"
India looked a little hurt and Bridget felt guilty.
"I'm sorry sweetie but look, aren't you having fun anyway? You can try and touch the clouds by yourself, you don't need me for that."
"It would be more fun with you," said India sadly.
"Sorry, darling. Maybe another day."
India continued to swing highly but beforehand she turned around so she was swinging away from her mother and sister and Bridget sighed in exasperation, but turned back to Louise. India sighed too. Mummy hadn't been on the swings with her for months...not since she came along.
An hour later they left the park and Louise's cries had died down to hiccups.
"Do you want to push the pram?" asked Bridget again and again India declined. They walked in silence back to the house and Bridget quickly made India and herself some sandwiches whilst India washed her hands and she then sat down exhausted at the table.
"Did you have fun at the park?" she asked.
"Mm." India bit a large chunk out of the middle of her sandwich and then drank a large gulp of her milk.
"You do know that I couldn't swing with you, don't you?"
"Mm," said India again, sounding annoyed and she took another bite of her sandwich.
"India, you know how much I love you, don't you?" Bridget found herself asking but before India could open her mouth to answer Louise started bawling again and Bridget got to her feet, soothing her, and took her to the nursery. India followed her.
"What are you doing?" she asked in interest as Bridget undid her top and lifted Louise to her chest.
"Feeding her. She's too little for proper milk. I fed you the same way. There we go," and India felt strange as she watched her mother look lovingly at her little sister, a look that had been reserved only for her before.
"Do you miss me being a baby?"
"Sometimes, but I like you just as you are and now I have a new little baby. Do you want to go and get ready for Lydia's?"
India trailed out of the nursery, feeling unwanted and Bridget finished feeding Louise, unaware of how she was feeling and put her top back on, marvelling at the quiet she had never appreciated before. Bridget dared to hope that with India at her friend's house and Louise fed she could get perhaps a whole hour of quiet, but this hope was shattered as, halfway to Lydia's, Louise started crying again.
"Now why's she crying?" asked India belligerently and Bridget couldn't help but snap, "I don't know!" leading India to scowl and walk ahead again, not giving Bridget a chance to apologise. Louise was still crying when they got to the house and had rung the doorbell.
"So this is her?" asked Lydia's mother rather uselessly when she opened the door. "My, my, what a noise! That takes me back to when Luke was born."
Lydia's brother had reached the milestone of one and sat on a mat in the front room with a variety of toys, giggling at his mother and visitors. Lydia ran downstairs and put her hands over her ears and raised her eyes at India when their mothers weren't looking.
"I hope Louise gets like that," said Bridget honestly. "It doesn't feel like it though."
"But she's newborn!"
"Yes, I know," admitted Bridget, feeling stupid. "I suppose I have to remember that India was just the same."
"Like her big sister then!" said Lydia's mother, giving India a smile, but she did not return it and still looked cross.
"India," said Bridget in a warning voice. "Behave."
"Children can act up when there's a new baby," said Lydia's mother in a rather patronising way and both Bridget and India felt annoyed, Bridget for the fact that Lydia's mother seemed to think that knew next to nothing about children and India for the fact that grown-ups treated you like you weren't there or were stupid. "Yes, I know. Well, I'm off. Have a lovely day, Indy," and Bridget bent down and gave India a kiss which she returned rather unwillingly. Bridget sighed inwardly again, took hold of the pram and left, Louise crying the whole way back.
"Do you want to play with Luke?" asked Lydia's mother but Lydia shook her head.
"I want to show India my new puzzle."
"Okay then," said her mother, turning back to her son and India, feeling relieved, followed her friend up the stairs and into her princess room. She had had enough of babies.
"What's she like?" asked Lydia, flopping onto her bed.
"She sucks," said India honestly, squeezing onto the bed as well and pushing Lydia out of the way slightly.
"I told you she would," said Lydia in satisfaction, getting her legs out of the way. "At least it's a girl and you don't have a stinky brother!"
"I'd much rather have a stinky brother!" contradicted India. "I'm the girl, not her!"
"But you can't show your brother your dollies and play princesses."
"I don't like dollies and princesses anyway," said India, wrinkling her nose. "And I don't want to show Louise my toys. They're my toys!"
"Mummy says I have to share," said Lydia in a rather annoying way.
"So does mine, but I don't want to share my stuff with her. Anyway, she's a baby so I can't even play with her. She just cries and cries and cries, that's all she does."
"I wish that was all Luke did," said Lydia honestly. "He can walk and now he goes and drools over all my stuff and Mummy just thinks it's funny."
India felt sick of talking about her sister.
"Can I see your new puzzle?"
At long, long last Louise calmed down and Bridget nearly wept in relief. She was the one who should be crying, she thought drily, but she took advantage of the peace to sink into an armchair with Louise in her arms and turn off for a moment. Bridget was exhausted. Louise had cried about what felt like fifty times in the night, and first she had got up to go and feed her and then, moments later it felt, she had started crying again but Declan had gone this time. Bridget had laid back down gratefully but in what seemed like seconds later Louise was crying again and it was her turn to get up and so it had gone on, all night long. She had managed about an hour or so of uninterrupted sleep but then Declan was getting up and Louise had started up again, this time to have her nappy changed and then India was there, cross and sleepy-eyed and complaining about being woken in the night. She could go back to sleep now, she thought, but what about studying? a small voice reminded her in the back of her head. Bridget dithered for a moment and then took a text book, laid Louise gently into her Moses basket with the baby monitor next to her and then lay on her own bed, opened the book and was asleep in seconds before even reading a sentence. Loud crying filled the air and Bridget's eyes jerked open. Louise had only slept for ten minutes and Bridget hurried to her Moses basket and clasped her up with a kiss. She fed her and changed her but it did not calm her down and Louise simply roared. Bridget rubbed her back gently, murmuring to her but Louise still bellowed and Bridget felt close to tears and wondered what to do, still feeling half-asleep. She missed Declan and for a moment her hand hesitated over the phone but then she decided that she didn't want to disturb him on his first day back and so she resolved to go it alone, childishly feeling like it would be a failure to call. Bridget knew sensibly that it wouldn't but she was just so tired and tearful that she ignored it and rocked Louise back and forth, feeling as she had all those years before when India was newborn. Supposedly she was a grown-up, she thought bitterly, but she didn't know much more now than she had then, and looking miserably at the text book, it seemed highly unlikely that she would ever know much else about her passion either.
India's afternoon was a lot more cheerful and she felt sad when the doorbell rang. She and Lydia had had fun completing her puzzle, playing dress-up and watching Animal Astronauts. She didn't want to go back to her house with the crying baby but Louise had stopped when the door opened.
"Oh, isn't she a picture," said Lydia's mother, leaning over the pram admiringly and India frowned. What could she mean? Louise wasn't a photo or in a frame.
"Why don't you come inside for a cuppa?" she invited and Bridget gave a half-smile.
"That's very kind of you, but I should get Indy and Louise home..."
India felt strange to have someone else referred to with her in the same sentence.
"Oh, come in," said Lydia, brushing her excuse aside and Bridget meekly entered their house, lifted Louise out of the pram and went into the kitchen with Lydia's mother, who was carrying Luke on her hip. The girls exchanged looks.
"I wanted a brother," said India.
"I wanted a sister," said Lydia.
They bent their heads and hatched a plan and Bridget was suspicious when she came back out and saw them smiling angelically.
"What's going on with you two?"
"Nothing," they echoed sweetly as Lydia's mother came and deposited Luke back onto the mat. As they talked India took her mother's handbag and hid it by the front door when she wasn't looking and then said, "Mummy, can I hold Louise?"
"Yes, of course," said Bridget, pleasantly surprised and she passed India her sister. Maybe things were looking up. "Let me get my things together – oh, where's my handbag...?"
"Maybe you left it in the kitchen," suggested Lydia's mother and Bridget cast a worried look back at Louise but, deciding it was foolish to worry for leaving her for two seconds with her sister, went in with her. Quick as a flash Lydia grabbed her unprotesting brother and put him into Louise's pram whilst India lay Louise on the play mat and left the door ajar. Then she wheeled the pram to the front door and when Bridget came up to her she saw her handbag by her daughter's legs.
"I must be going mad," she said, and blamed it on her lack of sleep. "Oh good, you've got Louise in the pram. Okay, we must be off. Say goodbye to Lydia and thank her mummy."
"Thank you," said India sweetly, thrilled that her plan had worked. They were two steps from the house however when a gurgle came from the pram, which did not sound like Louise and frowning, Bridget took the pram and looked inside and shouted in horror, turned back and ran to Lydia's house where they could hear a piercing yell, showing that Lydia's mother had discovered Louise on Luke's play mat.
"You are in some serious disgrace young lady!"
India pouted and folded her arms under Declan's frown.
"It was just an experiment," she said defensively.
"An experiment?! What were you thinking?!"
"I wanted a brother and Lydia wanted a sister," explained India, starting to feel upset. Her mother had cried and shouted at her and sent India to her room, waiting for Declan to get back to punish her properly. He had been equally as furious as Bridget and said that he couldn't understand why his little girl wouldn't want Louise for a sister and then had shouted at her before she could even explain.
"We were just going to swap them for a bit," she said tearfully. "It wasn't forever!"
Declan paused to rub a hand across his forehead, not understanding what on earth went through seven-year-olds' minds.
"Indy, you can't do that."
"Why not?"
"You can't swap babies around. Louise is your sister and Luke is Lydia's brother and that is that. And Mummy didn't want you to swap Louise and neither did Lydia's mummy. It was very, very naughty and you can go straight to bed after your dinner and you can't have any pocket money this week."
"That's not fair!" India started to cry but then her father frowned at her and she looked down, feeling nervous.
"Don't you dare answer back and you don't you ever pull a stunt like that again. I'm very angry with you. Louise is perfect."
India scowled and pushed herself away from the table, only not telling her father why she would do that because he had told her not to answer back. Grown-ups were stupid, she thought as she stamped up to her room. How could she explain when she was told not to answer back?
"Louise is fine," said Declan gently to Bridget when India had gone to bed. Bridget held Louise protectively and hadn't let her go all evening.
"I know," sniffled Bridget. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have left her with India at all."
"It was just for a moment."
"And look what she did."
"She didn't mean any real harm," said Declan, kissing the top of Louise's head. "She thought it was a good idea to swap babies for a bit and didn't understand why we'd be upset. She didn't want anything bad to happen to her."
"But she doesn't want her," sobbed Bridget. "How can she not want her?"
"I don't know," said Declan, feeling tired. "I guess we've got to see it from her point of view. She was the only girl for seven years and now this new daughter's come along."
"When's she going to change her mind?" asked Bridget desperately. "I don't know what to say to make this better. I shouldn't have let her go to Lydia's. I should have made her stay home and they'd have bonded..."
"Oh Didge, don't say stuff like that. It wouldn't have made her feel any better if she'd stayed home."
"She is going to change her mind?" asked Bridget, feeling at a loss.
"Of course she is," promised Declan and he gave her a kiss and Bridget smiled for him but at the back of her mind she could not shake her new doubt.
"India, why would you do that?" Bridget asked softly, finally going into her daughter's room when Louise was asleep in her basket. India was still awake and reading by lamplight.
"I told Daddy. It was an experiment."
"But why would you want Luke instead?"
"He's a boy and I'm the girl."
"But you're both my girls," cried Bridget. "I love you equally. Why can't you see that?"
India didn't answer but lay back down and Bridget felt sad and angry.
"Sit back up," she said sternly and India did so.
"I love you more than anything," she told her. "And I love Louise more than anything too but that doesn't mean that I love you any less. You're still just as special."
India was silent and then she said, "I didn't mean to be naughty."
"I know," said Bridget. "But you can't do that. And Louise is your sister and my little girl."
India lay back down.
"I know this is strange," said Bridget. "But you can't go switching siblings. Louise is here now and I know you love her really."
India didn't say anything but Bridget gave her a kiss.
"Goodnight."
"I'm sorry, Mummy," India said. "It was just an experiment....I'm sorry."
"It's okay," said Bridget gratefully. "I know and I know you love your sister really."
India rolled over and felt mixed up as her mother turned off the light.
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Post by Bee on Oct 21, 2010 8:26:08 GMT
aww poor India and Bridget!!
cant wait for more!!
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Post by sophie on Oct 22, 2010 23:59:35 GMT
Thanks!
The next few days were not much easier. Louise cried as much, if not more, but India was subdued and stayed out of the way. Bridget tried to talk to her about how she was feeling but India would just shrug and, it seemed, every time she was close to getting her to open up Louise was start crying again and she would have to run to her and a frown would settle on India's face and stay there for the rest of the day. On Wednesday night Bridget took Louise to Joanna's house and as they all admired her and argued about who got to hold her Bridget noticed that her own little sister Clara seemed more quiet than normal.
"She hasn't said anything to me," said Joanna in a tired voice, as they watched Josie play with Louise and make faces at her. "She's finished for the school holidays now but she doesn't even seem happy."
"She is grounded," offered Bridget and Joanna sighed.
"Yes, I know, but I told her that she could go out for the afternoon, just this once, as it was a special day but she just said that she didn't want to and came home as usual."
Bridget heard the worry in her voice.
"I thought she'd be over the moon that I lifted her punishment but she didn't seem bothered. She said she was missing Riley...I hope that's all..."
"I'm sure it is," assured Bridget quickly, sneaking a quick glance at her. "We all are."
Bridget had been so run off her feet that she had not had much time to think about her brother but in a rare, quiet moment she had sat down and felt a little lonely, missing her big brother and his easy laugh.
"Well," said Joanna, looking down and then up again, forcing a smile on herself, "you're right, of course. I'm just worrying for nothing. I'm sure she'll cheer up soon..."
Though Bridget hadn't told her birth mother, she couldn't help but worry about Clara too. She had been down for a while, long before her punishment and just before she went home she found her in the kitchen getting some water.
"Do you want a hold?" asked Bridget and she handed Louise to Clara, who took her awkwardly and then relaxed.
"She likes you," said Bridget with a smile.
"She's a baby."
"She still likes you. Are you all right?"
"Why wouldn't I be?" asked Clara with a frown.
"Your mum said you didn't want to go out after you finished for the holidays. I'd be going wild! I'd have thought you'd be dying to go out."
Clara looked down at Louise and shrugged.
"They all suck," she said finally. "All of them!"
Something in her face changed and she looked like she would cry.
"Clara, what...?" but before she could get any more from her her own daughter started to cry properly and Clara was handing her back nervously and Bridget had had to feed her and get her home. Now it was Thursday morning, she was already exhausted and Declan was going to work, giving his grizzly daughter a cuddle before he set off.
"I hope she cheers up," he said anxiously, bouncing her up and down.
"You're telling me. Declan, don't bounce her too hard, she'll –"
Too late. Louise stopped crying and was sick all down her father's suit. Bridget tried very hard not to laugh as he shut his eyes, groaned, handed Louise back to her mother and went to get changed.
"I'm glad it's made you smile at least," he commented, rolling his eyes as he came back in and Bridget cleaned Louise up. "You sadist, you."
"I'm not a sadist! Come on Dec, it was pretty funny!"
"Would you find it funny if it was you?" he asked, but wasn't really annoyed. "That's the plan, Louise. Be sick all over Mummy too so she can see how funny it is."
"You're the sadist!" exclaimed Bridget but she was laughing. "Have a great day, anyway."
"You too," he said, bending down and giving her and Louise a kiss. "Indy? Do I get a kiss too?"
India was standing in the doorway sucking her thumb but she didn't come forward and, frowning, Declan went over to her and gave her a kiss and then stood back with his hands on her shoulders.
"What's going on with you today, Miss?"
"Nothing!"
"Good. I want you to behave very well, all right?"
India gave a small nod and he gave her a cuddle.
"Good girl. Okay, I'll see you girls later!" with a knowing smile to his eldest, but she didn't return it.
"What do you want to do today?" asked Bridget, rubbing Louise's back, who was starting to whimper again. It was pouring with rain and Bridget was already dreading the results of a day cooped up inside with an excited seven-year-old and a grizzly baby.
"Dunno."
"Oh..." said Bridget, racking her brains of things to do whilst Louise's whimpers got a little louder and she tried to soothe her.
"Can I watch a movie?"
"Well..." Bridget dithered for a moment over breaking the no-TV-in-the-day rule. It would be so easy to say yes; India would be entertained, would possibly even sit still and she could concentrate on looking after Louise. But she couldn't slip into agreeing to it whenever she was bored and Bridget forced herself to be tough.
"No," she said, and India's hopeful face fell. "You know the rules."
"You let me watch one when I was sick!" she cried, upsetting Louise even more with the noise and Bridget couldn't help but glare at her slightly.
"Exactly, Indy, you were sick. You're not sick now."
India muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, "Sick of her!"
"India Napier!" shouted Bridget angrily, forgetting herself to keep her voice down, which then set Louise off into a crying fit for real and when she looked up again India had gone.
"Shh," she whispered, cursing herself as Louise began crying very loudly. "Mummy's sorry, shh..."
It took what felt like an extremely long time to calm Louise down and when Bridget managed to it was time for her feed. She fed her, feeling very tired indeed but relieved about the quiet and went to find her eldest who was lying on her tummy doing a jigsaw.
"What did you say before, young lady?"
"Before when?" asked India innocently.
"You know exactly what I mean," said Bridget crossly and India stared more intently at the puzzle. "Do you want to tell me what you meant by that?"
India shrugged.
"You're going to whether you want to or not," said Bridget crossly, too tired to remember any sort of parenting skills she had read up on when it came to this situation.
"She's always crying," said India, by way of explanation and Bridget frowned.
"She's a baby. She can't help it. Do you think I'm not spending enough time with you?"
India shrugged again and Bridget sighed.
"Well, I'll tell you what, when Louise gets settled for her nap we can do something together, okay? Some colouring or a jigsaw or reading. But you're not to talk back to me like that."
"Sorry," mumbled India.
"All right," said Bridget, feeling relieved. "It's okay, we'll forget about it. What's your jigsaw?"
Bridget knew anyway from the countless times India had completed it but she let her daughter tell her again and, flushed with pleasure, India opened her mouth to do so when Louise decided to start screaming again.
"Sorry, darling," said Bridget apologetically over the noise and India looked annoyed. "Tell me all about it when she has her nap."
But the time she and Declan had scheduled for it was taken up by Louise's crying and Bridget could not bring herself to put Louise in the basket and cry herself out as some mothers did. She just couldn't, so instead she rubbed her back and sang to her, changed her and even tried to feed her again but Louise just seemed to be crying for some unknown reason and it took Bridget a good hour to calm her down. Finally her tears died down to whimpers and then to gurgles and then to quiet and, kissing her, Bridget gratefully took her to her bedroom, gently laid her in the Moses basket and put the baby monitor by her and then went into the sitting room and sank into an armchair, completely forgetting her promise to her daughter. Something niggled at the back of Bridget's mind but she was so tired that she ignored it. She decided to close her eyes for just a moment, thinking that it couldn't hurt, and then she, too, was fast asleep.
BANG! CRASH! SMASH!
Bridget's eyes jerked open and she leapt up in shock. She had no idea what on earth was going on but it sounded like someone had started to demolish her kitchen and then her daughter's cries were mingled in. She raced to her bedroom, scooped Louise up, trying to calm her and then ran as fast as she could to the kitchen and could not believe her eyes. India was sitting in the middle of the floor with goodness-knows-what smeared in streaks all over her face, a bandana tied around her head and a wooden spoon in each hand which she was using to crash on three saucepans around her.
"What the hell are you doing?" cried Bridget over the row.
"Look at me Mummy!" exclaimed India. "I'm being a rockstar!"
"You're what?!" yelled Bridget and with her free hand she pulled a surprised-looking India up from the floor.
"Being a rockstar," mumbled India, starting to realise she was in trouble.
"And you pick now?!" exclaimed Bridget, who couldn't help feeling very angry. "And what is that all over your face?"
"Chocolate spread," said India, using her tongue to lick it off the corners of her mouth and Bridget grabbed a cloth and roughly wiped it from her daughter's face.
"How did you get that?"
"I climbed on the counter and got it out of the cupboard."
"You've spilt some on it too," commented Bridget crossly.
"It's okay," said India nervously. "I can lick it off!"
"You can't lick chocolate spread off surfaces!" cried her mother and India's face fell. "You are old enough to know that and you are also old enough to know that you can't play rockstar whilst your baby sister is having her nap!"
"You said she was having her nap ages ago," protested India and Bridget felt like crying.
"You know she wasn't napping before because she was crying!"
"Sorry," mumbled India, and she traced a pattern on the floor with her toe. "I forgot."
"You forgot!" exclaimed Bridget, as Louise began to calm down slightly. "How could you forget that?"
"Dunno," mumbled India, who was on the verge of tears herself, and one brimmed over and fell down her cheek. Bridget felt guilty.
"All right. Oh Indy, don't cry. Don't cry, sweetie. It's okay, we can clear it up. We all forget things. I'm sorry," and she hugged her with one arm.
"Sorry," sniffled India, the smallest rockstar in existence.
"Okay," said Bridget soothingly, and she and India cleaned the mess up, put away the pans and India slunk back to her room and Bridget put Louise back down and then she, too, slept. Her eyes opened a little while later and when she looked at her watch she couldn't believe that an hour had gone by. She should get Louise up so that she could sleep tonight but Bridget relished the peace and then remembered guiltily her promise to India. She went to her bedroom first to see Louise's eyes flutter open and as she looked up at her mother she seemed to Bridget the sweetest baby in the world.
"Hello baby," she said lovingly, and picked her up, kissing her. "Aren't you a good girl, sleeping all through your nap? How about we go and see your big sister?"
Louise waved an arm in reply and Bridget giggled at her and then took her to India's room.
"Indy!" she called softly, knocking on the half-open door. "I'm sorry sweetheart, I fell asleep and forgot that we were meant to do a puzzle."
"It's okay," came a cheerful response and when Bridget pushed the door open the whole way she very nearly dropped her youngest.
"India Napier!" she exclaimed, and could say nothing else.
India stood at her easel which she had managed to put up with a paper attached precariously to it which had a newly painted picture on it which was dripping onto the floor, alongside India's paintbrush which she held pointing down with large dribbles of paint falling to the floor. There were splashes of paint all on the carpet and all on her daughter, who had not put an apron on.
"I'm painting!"
"What were you thinking?" cried Bridget, thinking that she couldn't take any more of this today.
"You were asleep and I was bored! I wanted to paint!"
"But you haven't put any newspaper down," groaned Bridget, running a tired hand through her hair. "How on earth are we going to get all of that out of the carpet and you've probably ruined those clothes!"
India felt upset but didn't want to cry so instead mumbled, "Don't care."
Bridget bristled.
"Oh, don't you? Well, you will care when your father gets back and if you can't behave you can sit downstairs with me and you won't be watching your show."
"It's not fair! It's her fault!" cried India and Louise started crying again.
"Don't you dare blame your sister," said Bridget angrily. "She's ten days old!"
"But it was an accident!"
"You should have thought," said Bridget in frustration. "Why didn't you think before you did it?"
India looked hurt and then she shifted and snidely said, "At least it was quiet."
Bridget could not believe her rudeness and found herself echoing Miranda after being only able to say, "Just wait until your father comes home!"
The rest of the day was rather dismal. India sulked and read her book whilst the rain poured outside and Bridget nursed Louise and tried to calm her down when she started to cry, but she failed. The whole day has been a fail, she thought miserably as she stared out of the window, gently rubbing Louise's back and murmuring comforting things about how she was there. She couldn't stop her youngest crying and her eldest misbehaving and now they were angry with each other too.
"What's wrong?" asked Declan, after India ran upstairs as soon as he came home.
Bridget hesitated.
"What happened?"
"She WHAT?!" he exclaimed after she finished telling him. "What's got into her? And talking back to you like that too, I'm not having that. She's becoming a little madam!"
"I don't know what to do," said Bridget miserably. "She's never been naughty before – well, I know she has sometimes, but she never said anything nasty back to me before. Should I sit down and talk to her about it or should I go and yell at her? I don't want to yell at her but I want to get through to her. And all those stupid books keep telling me to do different things and I can't remember one of them."
"I'll go and yell at her," said Declan grimly. "She's not acting like that."
"Declan, don't be too hard on her," said Bridget instinctively. "I know she was naughty, but..."
"Didge, stop worrying," said Declan heavily and he went up to India's room. She was hiding under the doonah.
"India Napier, come out of there at once!"
"No," came a muffled voice. "She's not here."
"India," said Declan in his most warning voice and India reluctantly emerged to see her father looking extremely angry.
"Young lady, what's got into you? Mummy's just told me what you've done today and I'm very disappointed."
"They were accidents!" she cried.
"Talking back to your mother isn't an accident. You can't be rude like that, understood? And even if they were accidents, you should have thought. Your little sister needs her sleep and it costs money to get stains out of carpets."
"Sorry," she mumbled.
"I want you to be more sorry for being nasty to Mummy."
There was a pause and then India said in a rush, "Shedindomajigsaw!"
"What?" he asked, frowning.
"She didn't do my jigsaw!"
"Mummy's very busy," he told her. "She can't help it if Louise is crying. And that's another week without pocket money and you can go to bed after dinner."
India scowled.
"Take that look off your face and come downstairs and apologise."
"No," said India defiantly and Declan stared at her. She stared back angrily.
"What do you mean, no? I've told you to go and apologise and you are doing it right now! What's happened to my little girl? You were never rude like this before!"
India's face crumpled and she pushed past her father, ran downstairs and yelled, "I'M SORRY!" and than ran away again before Bridget could say anything. She went after her but India sulked and read her book leading Bridget to decide that it was best to let her cool off. They ate their dinner in silence and then India went straight to bed. Night drew in and the storm grew worse. Bridget fed and winded Louise and then looked up at Declan.
"I feel terrible."
"I don't like being tough on her," he exclaimed, "but she's got to learn!"
"I know, but..." Bridget failed to find the words. "I still feel terrible."
Declan went and gave her a kiss when suddenly the phone rang.
"Hello?" answered Bridget.
"Bridget! Bridget, Clara's not with you, is she? Is she there?"
Joanna's voice was filled with panic and alarm and Bridget began to feel it herself.
"No," she said, casting a scared look at Declan. "Should she be? Where is she?"
"I don't know," came a sob. "We've had this terrible argument...that was two hours ago and she wouldn't come down for dinner when I called her, but I was so angry that I didn't try and talk to her. I thought she was being disobedient. You know what she's been like lately. Josie stayed downstairs with me and I was just so angry...oh Bridget we said such awful things to each other. I came up to her room and said that I wanted to know what was bothering her and she suddenly exploded and shouted all these horrible things about how I was worse than she was and how I was such a liar and then I was so hurt and upset I said that I wished I'd never had lied if it would have stopped her becoming like this...oh Bridget, I didn't mean it and she looked so hurt and then she said that she hated me!"
Joanna dissolved into sobs.
"She didn't mean it," Bridget told her.
"She looked so hurt!"
"Joanna, it's going to be fine," said Bridget desperately. "She can't have gone too far, we'll find her.."
"Can't have gone far?" she echoed in disbelief. "It was two hours ago and you know Clara, she can do a lot things she puts her mind to! We're all going out of our minds, David's out looking for her and Josie just won't stop crying and we thought she might have gone to see you...oh Bridget..."
"Joanna, we'll find her," said Bridget, sounding more firm than she felt and she hesitated and then added, "I promise. I'm going to search too."
"Oh Bridget, it's storming out..."
"Exactly. I want her home."
"What if something happens to my baby? It's my fault!" cried Joanna and Bridget had never felt so awful in her life.
"It won't have, I promise. It's not your fault. I promise it's going to be fine. I love you."
She hung up.
"Clara's run off?" echoed Declan in shock and then, looking at his wife, "You're not going out in this storm are you?"
"She's my sister! They're frantic, David's out looking."
"If her dad's out there..."
"All the more chance of two of us finding her than one," said Bridget firmly. "Imagine if it was India or Louise - you know you couldn't sit around and do nothing. She's my sister. And even if she wasn't..."
That seemed to decide it and Declan looked down.
"Of course you have to look," he said finally. "Just...be careful."
"You know I will." Bridget handed him the baby. "Here. Look after Louise."
"I love you."
"I love you too," said Bridget and she turned, gave him a quick, determined smile and then stepped firmly into the night.
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Post by Bee on Oct 23, 2010 0:21:59 GMT
great update Sophie (:
cant wait for more!!!
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Post by sophie on Oct 25, 2010 10:17:53 GMT
Thanks!
Bridget drove on for a while. It was a dark, stormy night and she peered out of the windows and windscreen for sight of her sister. She drove slowly, not wishing to speed past her by mistake, but Bridget honestly thought the chances of that were low. How could she miss Clara, even on a night a like this?
She had been driving for about half an hour when she saw a side road. She hesitated but something made her drive along it – stupid, really, she thought, as she had gone past Joanna’s neighbourhood and surely Clara would now be on a main road, going wherever it was she was going. Bridget did not like to think of that but she drove along it anyway and suddenly she saw a small figure whisk into the shadows and she knew it was her.
“Clara!” cried Bridget, her chest unknotting itself in relief. “I know it’s you! Get in the car!”
Nothing happened for a moment and then slowly a small figure emerged with a large backpack and rain-soaked hair.
“Clara,” said Bridget again in relief. “Come on, you’ll catch your death!”
But Clara shook her head. “I’m not going back!”
She started to walk on again but Bridget drove alongside her at the same pace.
“And where exactly are you going?”
“To Sydney to live with Riley.”
“He would send you straight back!” exclaimed Bridget but Clara shrugged.
“I’d find somewhere.”
“Find somewhere?!” echoed Bridget in disbelief. “You’re twelve, you’re not even old enough for work. What would you do about money?”
“I have my account book.”
“Oh really, and what would you do when that runs out? And speaking of, how are you going to get to Sydney?”
“I have enough for a bus...”
“And what were you going to do until then? What if something went wrong?”
“Hitchike,” said Clara but she didn’t sound very certain.
“You’re not serious,” said Bridget, feeling more and more thankful that she had found her. “You wouldn’t be stupid enough to try that. It doesn’t matter now anyway. Come on, get in.”
“I can’t go back!” cried Clara.
“Yes you can,” said Bridget. “You know, you’re being very selfish Clara. Everyone is going out of their minds, did you know that? Your mum rang me in tears and your dad’s out looking.”
Clara stopped.
“Dad’s looking?” she echoed, sounding surprised.
“Of course he is, you’re his daughter and he loves you,” and, as Clara looked down, “you know he does.”
Clara shifted and looked for a moment as though she would start walking so Bridget added, “I used to play footy, you know, and I was good. I’m not afraid to tackle you.”
Clara looked as though she was about to run for a moment and then she seemed to stop, consider it, and then she ran over and got into Bridget’s car without looking at her.
“Good,” said Bridget in relief and she leant over and gave her a quick kiss. “Let’s get you home.”
“Can I stay with you tonight?” begged Clara.
“I’m taking you straight back, your mum’s going crazy with worry and Josie won’t stop crying!”
“Josie won’t stop crying?” repeated Clara, sounding surprised and ashamed.
“And your mum. I’m taking you back.”
Clara was quiet for a moment and then she said, “If Mum says it’s okay, can I stay over?”
“Only if she says you can,” said Bridget, turning the car round. They drove for a while in silence and then Clara suddenly burst out, “Andrew broke up with me!”
“What?” asked Bridget sympathetically but before she could say anything else Clara continued with, “He found out about the party and said I was cheap!”
She started crying and if Bridget hadn’t been driving she would have given her a hug.
“You’re not, sweetheart. Don’t believe that.”
“But he said it wasn’t just that,” said Clara with gulps. “He said he was sick of me and had been for a-ages...he said the only reason he didn’t break up with me before was ‘cause it was cool to have a girlfriend!”
She burst into more sobs.
“Oh, Clara!” said Bridget, wishing she could go and kill the boy. “You know, he’s not worth it.”
“And everyone was awful to me all day at school,” she continued. “They went out for milkshakes and told me I wasn’t invited because I’m a horrible person for getting them grounded.”
“Well, they’re not worth it then. You’re not a horrible person, not even close.”
“But I think they’re right,” sobbed Clara. “I think I am a horrible person. Mum said so.”
“Oh Clara, she didn’t.”
“She said she wished I’d turned out differently! She hates me and wishes she had a different daughter!”
“No, so she doesn’t,” said Bridget earnestly. “She really, really doesn’t. She didn’t mean that and we all say things we don’t mean when we’re angry.”
“I said I hated her,” sniffled Clara, a big tear rolling down her cheek. “I didn’t mean it.”
“She knows that.”
“How do you know?”
“Why don’t you tell her yourself?” asked Bridget gently. They had just pulled up at the house and Joanna ran out in the rain, her face haggard and desperate. She burst into tears when they got out of the car and pulled Clara into a fierce hug and kiss. They didn’t say anything for a while but Clara didn’t pull away and instead she sniffled into Joanna’s front.
“Oh, Clara. Oh, darling. Never do that again, ever. I thought....never do that again. I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry, Mum,” sniffled Clara. “I’m really sorry....”
“It doesn’t matter,” said Joanna softly, looking at her. “You’re back safe and sound, that’s all that matters.”
“Mum,” said Clara hesitantly, “please can I stay at Bridget’s tonight? Please?”
Joanna hesitated and looked sad.
“If you want to...”
“I just want to think,” said Clara honestly, looking at her. “I just want to be...”
“You need a break,” said Joanna and Clara nodded. “For the night then, but you’re coming home tomorrow.”
“I’ll drop her off first thing in the morning,” promised Bridget. “Right after breakfast.”
Joanna nodded when suddenly Josie came running up, still crying, but instead of hugging her sister she gave her a big push and Clara nearly fell over.
“Josie!” admonished Bridget and Joanna together but she ignored them.
“I hate you Clara!” she shouted tearfully. “I really, really hate you! You made Mum cry and Dad cry and me cry and we all thought you might be dead! Why do you have to do such horrible stuff? Why did you run away? Why did you leave me?!”
Clara for once did not say anything back at her sister and instead hung her head and looked ashamed, letting Josie shout all it of out.
“I do hate you...” she finished weakly. “I do...” but then with some sisterly instinct Clara pulled her towards her and gave her a cuddle and Josie sniffled and was quiet.
“I’ll phone David....Dad,” said Joanna quickly. “He’s so worried Clara, he’s been looking ever since I told him...” she caught herself. “Well. We won’t say anything else about it tonight.”
Before they left they took Clara inside for a change of clothes and hot chocolate and whilst they were drinking it her father ran in, white in the face and grabbed his daughter with unashamed sobs and Bridget, for the first time, felt in the way and gently slipped into the next room, letting them reunite alone.
“Do you mind sharing my bed?” asked Bridget when they had arrived at her house. “It’s just that India’s already asleep.”
“I don’t mind taking the sofa,” said Clara, looking down. “I don’t want to take your bed.”
“It’s fine, Dec can take the sofa.”
“I feel bad...”
“Don’t be, it’s fine. We’re family. Come and sit down.”
She took Clara into the front room and Declan was holding Louise who had been asleep in his arms, but stirred when her mother came into the room.
“Here she is,” he said gently, passing her over to Bridget. “Here’s your mummy.”
Louise snuffled and settled down and Bridget and Clara sat on the sofa and Declan left the room. Suddenly everything felt awkward.
“I had an awful fight with Mum,” said Clara, looking down at her hands.
“I heard. Is that why you ran away?” asked Bridget gently and she shrugged and then looked up.
“It was part of it. It was like loads of stuff all rolled into one....I felt miserable all day though. Andrew broke up with me when we finished for winter.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I don’t know. It felt like saying it would make it come true, or make it worse. That sounds dumb. It wouldn’t have changed anything.”
“No, no it doesn’t sound dumb,” Bridget assured her. “Believe me, you’re going to feel the same way about a lot of things as you grow up and even when you’re a grown-up – supposedly.” She stopped and laughed. “Sorry. That was meant to be comforting.”
Clara gave a half-smile.
“But I felt so sick of everything,” she said, sounding oddly calm. “And I’d felt sick of everything for ages...I was sick of Mum and Dad fighting and I was sick of my friends and I was sick of people being mad at me.”
Bridget thought back.
“Do you remember,” she said, “ages ago, when you came over, and you said you wished you were me? Why did you say that? Why do you wish you were me?”
“Because you’re happy,” said Clara in surprise. “You’re married to Declan and you have a cute little girl and now you have two. You know what you’re doing. You’re not all muddled up.”
Bridget stared at her with an open mouth and couldn’t say anything for a moment.
“Not muddled up?” she repeated. “Clara, sometimes I think I could set the record for muddled up people. I don’t know what I’m doing half the time. Yes, I love my family and they mean the world and more to me, but that doesn’t mean that everything’s clear and sorted out. I have to juggle a lot of things and not everything’s clear.”
“But you seem so happy!” said Clara in shock. “You know where you are, don’t you?”
Bridget didn’t know what to say and paused thoughtfully for a moment.
“I’m happy,” she said finally. “Most of the time. But Clara, having a family is not the be-all and end-all. It doesn’t mean that as soon as you’re married and have children it’s all clear. It’s not. I want so badly to be a doctor and I’m constantly asking myself when I’m going to have that. It’s a struggle. You know how old I was when I had Indy - I love her to death but it made everything so much harder.”
“I don’t know where I’m going at all,” said Clara tearily.
“But you don’t need to worry yet.”
“What am I going to do?” she sniffled. “Andrew split up with me!”
“Oh Clara, you don’t need a boyfriend.”
“It’s not just that – everything’s changing. First Mum and Dad split up, then they went and told me about you and then I sort of started lying to Mum – I didn’t mean to but I did – and then Andrew broke up with me!”
“You’re Clara,” said Bridget. “That’s all you need to know. Hey, do you want to hold your niece?”
“My half-niece,” said Clara, taking Louise.
“Your niece. The half part doesn’t matter. I’ll go and make us some hot chocolate.”
She disappeared and Declan came back in.
“I left my jumper,” he said apologetically. He never knew what to say to Didge’s sisters but as he looked at Clara he knew that girl. He knew what it was to run away and feel angry and ashamed and he found himself sitting down next to her.
“I’m glad you’re back,” he said awkwardly. “Your mum and dad will be too.”
“They should be mad at me. They were mad at me too, for ages.”
“How come?”
“I reckon Didge told you,” she said, not buying his question. “They split up, I was angry with them and then they got angry with me so I thought I may as well do stuff wrong anyway and I just decided that they’d be better off without me anyway.”
Declan felt surprised at this honesty but Clara didn’t think she had much to lose. She was too tired to try and dress her reasons up.
“Are you still mad at your mum?”
She shrugged again.
“I feel bad that I was mean to her. I didn’t mean it when I said that I hated her.”
“Are you still mad at her for lying about the adoption?” he ventured and Clara snapped back, “Why’s it your business? What’s this, let’s analyse Clara day?”
Talk about a snapdragon! Declan felt as though he was talking to a moody – very moody – young version of Didge.
“It’s not my business,” he said. “But I reckon you should give her a break. I know how you feel, though.”
“How?” asked Clara, not believing him.
“The same thing happened to me.”
She stared at him and didn’t know what to say for a moment.
“Your mum did the same thing? How do you go along with her now?”
“She’s my best mate,” said Declan, smiling a little. “I don’t, like, hang out with her when I want to chill or anything, but she’s always great to talk to. I always go to her. I love her. I was mad when she told me, for ages, but I understood in the end and now I have a great older brother. She did it to protect me.”
“That’s what everyone says,” said Clara angrily. “And what am I meant to think? What was she trying to protect me from? Knowing that I have some kind of extended family?”
“Come on, Clara. How could she begin to explain that to you when you were little? And how could she begin to tell you when you were older, especially if you gave her a reaction like this? She did it out of love for you. She didn’t want you to have to know that you had a brother or sister in the world that you might never meet. It’s heavy stuff and she was probably ashamed.”
“Ashamed? Why?”
“That she couldn’t cope.”
Clara looked down again.
“I don’t think I could do it,” she said. “I know what everyone says, I shouldn’t be thinking about it at my age, or whatever, but I have. And if my boyfriend died and I had two kids I don’t know what I’d do.”
“If you understand, do you think you could forgive her?”
“Yes. It’s like I know – I think and I know – that I should forgive Mum, but then I think about how she lied and I feel so angry all over again. I feel so angry I think I might burst sometimes. I felt like that for ages. It felt like everyone had lied to me, everyone. For ages. I didn’t know that Mum and Dad had stopped loving each other.”
Declan was silent.
“I was mad at my Mum for ages too,” he said at last. “And I know how it feels – about the adoption stuff. You don’t have to feel bad for feeling angry, you should just talk to your mum, and if you want to yell at her for it she won’t get too mad."
"I've been mean to her for ages and now I've run away," said Clara in a shamed voice. "I think she'll be mad at me for ages."
"Well I did a lot worse than you and my Mum forgave me."
"Like what?"
Declan shifted and felt awkward.
"Vandalism...stealing...I ran away too...."
Clara looked shocked.
"And I drag-raced with Didge, but you know that. Mums are awesome, Clara."
"My dad is too," said Clara. "I hate that they've split up."
"Me too," Declan told her. "I don’t know about divorce because I never had a dad.”
“Sorry,” said Clara nervously but he smiled.
“It doesn’t matter. I have Mum and Didge and Indy and Louise.”
Clara looked at him with an odd look in her eyes.
“I don’t understand you,” she said.
“Why?”
“You’re going on and on at me to understand Mum and you hate her. I know you do.”
“I don’t hate her,” and as Clara gave a snort, “No, I don’t.”
“Well, you don’t like her.”
“I find it hard with her sometimes,” he said truthfully. “Not because I hate or dislike her but because of some heavy stuff that happened when Didge was pregnant with Indy. Bridget freaked out when she heard about what happened when she was a baby and then considered adoption. I blamed your mum. It wasn’t fair of me and I know it, but for a while, whenever I saw her, I thought of that terrible time and it felt like I nearly lost my daughter thanks to it. But it wasn’t her fault, really. I think I could like your mum.”
“For a while I didn’t think I could like her again,” said Clara. “I was so angry I just wanted to yell at her.”
“She’ll still love you if you want to yell.”
“Well, I have yelled at Mum,” said Clara bravely. “I’ve yelled at her about loads of stuff and whenever I start to talk to her about it I’d just yell. I’ve never had a real talk with her about it.”
“Try,” said Declan simply. “You’ll get there. Just give her a break.”
Bridget came back in with two mugs and he gave them an awkward smile and got up.
“I’m going to get the stuff off the bed.”
Bridget wondered what they had talked about but Clara simply said, “I like Declan. He knows what to say.”
“I’m glad,” said Bridget, puzzled, but then Louise grizzled and she took her and fed her and then put her to bed. They passed the rest of the evening peacefully, drinking their chocolate and watching some silly TV.
“Did you know I once ran away?” asked Bridget, as they switched the television off. Clara stared.
“When? You didn’t!”
“When I was pregnant with India. Well, I did when I was seven too, but only got to the end of the road when my dad stopped me. It was stupid of me...when I was older, I mean. I just felt so stifled by everything that I had to get away. It felt like my life had been ruined and I wasn’t in charge of it.”
“You needed a break,” agreed Clara. “Where did you go? What happened?”
“I wanted to go to Nelson’s Cove. We always went there on holiday, all of us, but the bus wasn’t meant to come for hours. I met up with these travellers and they stole my bag and I had already stupidly thrown away my phone.”
Clara stared at her with her mouth open.
“What happened? How did you get back?”
“A friend brought me home,” said Bridget, smiling fondly. Harold had died two years ago. “A dear friend. Though he always said it was some sort of higher power that brought us together...I don’t know about that. But I never ran away again. I was already regretting it when I saw him, though I wouldn’t admit to myself. I wouldn’t let Mum and Dad pick me up, or Declan.”
“I’m glad your friend found you,” said Clara fervently.
“So am I. I don’t know what I would have done.”
Bridget got up and got the mugs.
“There’s a photo of us at Nelson’s Cove there,” she said, nodding towards it and Clara got up to look. “Me and Ri.”
“How old are you?” asked Clara, picking it up.
“Seven.”
“I wouldn’t even have been alive,” she said wonderingly. “That feels weird.”
“It does.”
“Was it fun, that day?”
“Yes,” said Bridget, thinking back and smiling. “It really was.”
They cleared up the mugs and got ready for bed. Clara looked very young in her teddy pyjamas and she lay down and fell asleep in moments. Bridget was awake for longer when suddenly she heard whimpering from her daughter but it wasn’t Louise. She slipped out of bed but Declan was already there.
“There’s a ghost outside,” India sobbed. “A big, clanking ghost with chains!”
“It’s the just the wind, darling. Go back to sleep.”
“It’s a ghost!” sobbed India, half asleep, but she settled down as Declan sang her favourite lullaby even though she was too old for it.
“Let her rip, take a tip, for we’ll win the premiership...”
Bridget smiled and watched, unnoticed from the doorway, remembering Declan singing it to her as a baby and wondered how her little Indy was seven years old. Her breathing evened, Declan tucked her back in and then he saw Bridget and gave her a kiss.
“Clara okay?” he asked in a low voice.
“Yeah. What did you say to her?”
“Just advice,” he said enigmatically and Bridget sighed and went back to bed. In the morning Bridget drove Clara back and Josie was at the front door, waiting.
“I’m sorry, Josie,” said Clara before her younger sister could say anything. “I know I was a cow.”
“You’re not a cow,” mumbled Josie. “Well. Only some of the time.”
Clara stared at her and looked angry for a moment but then she smiled and they both laughed and as Bridget watched them she wondered if her own daughters would grow up to be like them.
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Post by Bee on Oct 25, 2010 12:37:48 GMT
very nice Sophie (:
cant wait for more!!
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Post by sophie on Oct 28, 2010 22:04:04 GMT
Thanks!
The next day Miranda came round to pick up India. She was looking after her for the day and then Bridget, Declan and Louise would join her, Steve and India for dinner. Whilst her granddaughter ran to her room to get her bag, Miranda sat with Bridget for a moment and held Louise.
“So they sorted things out?” she asked, after Bridget had told her about taking Clara home. “Thank goodness you found her.”
“I know. Pretty much, I guess. I haven’t really spoken to them since. I thought it would be best to leave them alone for a bit.”
“Maybe,” said Miranda.
“Poor Joanna – she was going out of her mind.”
“I can imagine,” said Miranda knowledgably and Bridget suddenly felt ashamed and as though she was the seventeen-year-old who had run off again.
“I’m sorry I ran away,” she said in a small voice, looking down.
“It’s all right,” said Miranda gently. “It was a long time ago now.”
“I’m still sorry. It was so awful seeing Joanna and I can’t imagine how I’d feel if India ran off. I’d be going out of my mind.” Bridget paused for a moment and then said, “they never tell you how frightening it is to be a parent, do they?”
“No,” said Miranda, taking her hand. “They don’t.”
Bridget was quiet for a moment and then said, “It’s worth it though.”
“I know that too. How have you been, darling?”
“Oh...” shrugged Bridget, but Miranda could see dark circles under her eyes. “All right. Fine. You know, just the usual.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to look after Louise too?” asked Miranda in a worried voice, after seeing her daughter’s expression. “You look exhausted. And it’s not the usual, Bridget. You do have a new baby.”
“No, Mum,” protested Bridget. “I’m fine and Louise is too little. She still needs me all the time.”
“You left India with us,” reminded Miranda hesitantly. “And she was fine.”
“Yes, but it was because I had to,” sighed Bridget. “I had to go to school. I didn’t want to – you know I didn’t – but I couldn’t lose my education. I don’t have a reason to leave Louise.”
“You have a reason, Bridget,” said Miranda, turning her mother-mode on. “You need to have a break. It’s important.”
“No,” said Bridget, a little uncertainly and then, more firmly, “it’s all part of being a new mum – well, I’m not a new mum exactly, but you know what I mean. Being a bit sleepless – we’ll get used to it. And Declan’s doing okay and he’s not having a break.”
“He has a break at the office,” offered Miranda.
“It’s still work. And mums never got me time before, did they, and they never complained.”
“I’m sure they would have appreciated it, Bridget. It’s not something to envy. Really, there’s no shame in letting me look after Louise for a few hours whilst you have a break. I am her grandmother after all.”
“Thanks, Mum, but no,” said Bridget, settling firmly on her decision. “Louise needs me. I don’t want to be without her for a few hours, really I don’t. You and Indy have fun.”
“If you’re sure,” said Miranda doubtfully, as India came running back from her rooms.
“I am,” said Bridget, taking Louise back from her mother and holding her close to her protectively. “I don’t want to leave her. You two have fun.”
“We’ll certainly have that,” said Miranda fondly, letting it drop as India smiled at her and exclaimed, “I have a wobbly tooth!”
“Do you?” asked Miranda, sounding very surprised. “Do you want me to pull it out?”
“No!” exclaimed India, making Louise grizzle.
“Grandpa Steve?”
“No!”
“She won’t let us anywhere near it,” sighed Bridget. “I guess it’ll come out in its own time.”
“You never let us near your loose teeth either,” reminded Miranda. “Right then India, are you ready? Shoes on? Okay, let’s get your coat. Say goodbye to Mummy!”
“Bye Mummy!” said India cheerfully, and hugging her quickly.
“Bye, sweetness,” said Bridget giving her a quick kiss on the top of her head and then India made to move away.
“You don’t want to kiss your sister?” asked Bridget and India’s face clouded over slightly.
“India?” asked Bridget in a warning voice but then Miranda called, “Indy, are you ready?” and India gave her mother another kiss instead and hurried to her grandmother. Bridget sighed, knowing that she should probably have pressed it, but felt too tired and India and her mother were already halfway out the door. She didn’t need a tantrum and guiltily kissed the top of Louise’s head instead. Miranda appeared in the doorway suddenly, her face flushed.
“Give me a call if you need anything or if you change your mind.”
“Mum!”
“I’m not nagging,” protested Miranda. “I’m just reminding you.”
“We’re going to be fine,” promised Bridget, and she gave Miranda a smile. “Look, she’s not even crying.”
“Well...all right,” dithered Miranda. “We’ll see you later.”
“By, Mum. India, behave!” she called into the hallway and heard her daughter reply, “Yes!” impatiently.
“I’ll see you in a few hours then,” Miranda said and she gave Bridget and Louise a quick kiss. “Bye!”
Then the front door shut and they were gone.
“Well,” said Bridget fondly. “Looks like it’s just you and me!”
Louise waved her hand.
“Are you waving your hand at me?” exclaimed Bridget. “Clever girl! Aren’t you a clever girl? I know you are.”
Louise responded by filling her nappy and Bridget wrinkled her nose.
“You’re a smelly girl too,” she said, changing her. “As well as a clever one. But if you were really clever, you’d leave them for Daddy...”
Bridget finished changing her, coughing slightly at all the talcum powder she had used and then carried Louise back to the front room.
“There,” she said. “All clean. Good girl.”
Louise gave a gurgle in reply and Bridget dared to think that she could relax for a moment, but as soon as she sat down Louise had other plans and suddenly started roaring.
“What’s wrong?” asked Bridget. “I’ve just changed you! Are you hungry again?”
Louise gave another wail and Bridget, shushing her, undid her top and Louise began to feed. Bridget sighed in relief but as soon as she had finished and Bridget had winded her she began to cry again.
“What is it?” exclaimed Bridget. “I’ve changed and fed you!”
Louise continued to cry and Bridget got up and walked around the room, rubbing her back and singing under her breath but it was all to no avail as her daughter’s cries got louder.
“Hey, shh,” said Bridget in concern. “What is it?”
Louise cried and cried and Bridget rubbed her back, trying to soothe her, and tried not to worry. It was normal for new babies to cry, she remembered too well when from India was a baby, but she still felt panicked.
“Hey Looby Lou...shh....”
“WAAHHHH!”
In desperation Bridget tried bouncing her up and down but made the mistake that her husband had in doing it too roughly and Louise had the same reaction and was sick all down her mother’s front.
“Oh Louise!” cried Bridget, looking down at her top, and as soon as she had mopped her daughter up and changed Louise started howling again.
“I know, I know,” soothed Bridget desperately. “Silly Mummy for making you sick. I’m sorry, Mummy’s sorry, don’t cry baby girl...”
But Louise did and in desperation Bridget grabbed the pram.
“How about some fresh air?”
A walk to the park and Louise still howled. Bridget sat on the bench, exhausted, rocking the pram back and forth, and watched the boys and girls play on the swings, feeling envious of all the other parents whose children were old enough to not be constantly crying. She took Louise out of the pram, knowing anxiously that her naptime was approaching rapidly and cuddled her, but the fresh air, if anything, had made her lungs even stronger and her cries louder and Bridget gave up and took her home. She fed her again and changed her and Louise’s cries died down to whimpers and then to silence and gratefully Bridget laid her down and tiptoed away. A glance at the clock showed that she had cried for two and a half hours, though to Bridget it felt much longer.
Bridget sighed, relishing the silence and wondered what to do with her peace which was likely to be shortlived. Her first thought was possibly a nap herself but then Bridget suddenly thought of what Miranda had said before about how she had gone to school earlier and how she had proudly said, I couldn't lose my education.
Didn’t she need her education now? Bridget knew she had been a parttime student in the end but recently she seemed to have been slipping into a notime one – she couldn’t even remember the last time she had studied. Wouldn’t it be good to study for a little while, even if it was only for half an hour, twenty minutes or maybe even ten minutes, depending on how long Louise slept Ignoring her own tiredness, Bridget grabbed her notebook, textbook and pen, which Declan had put away when tidying the house for her and Louise’s homecoming and sat down at the desk. She looked at the sentence but nothing went in and she frowned, blinked and read it through again. She then made some notes about it but it didn’t seem to help.
“Shouldn’t I know that?” mumbled Bridget aloud but she reread it, and the next one. Her brain felt like cotton wool and Bridget bit a fingernail, a habit she thought she had broken when she was fourteen. She was just so tired... Bridget lay her pen down and put her head in her hand for a moment. It felt uncomfortable, however, so she lay her arm down on the desk, and then her head. Bridget’s eyes felt terribly heavy and she closed them for a moment and then, almost instantly, she was blissfully asleep.
Loud cries suddenly filled the air and Bridget jerked awake with a jump, cricking her neck in sitting up so quickly. Wincing, she leapt up, still feeling groggy, and ran to Louise who was crying her lungs out.
“Shh, Louise, I’m here,” soothed Bridget and a quick glance at her watch showed that she had only slept for fifteen minutes.
“How can you be awake already?” groaned Bridget as Louise bawled into her shoulder. “Hey?”
Bridget walked round and round the room, feeling dizzy, and even walked downstairs and back, yet none of it eased her daughter’s crying. A walk to the park and back didn’t help either and Bridget felt close to tears by the time she got back and glumly felt that she had cursed it that morning by telling her mother that Louise wasn’t crying and that it would be fine. Bridget fed her again, but after a very brief silence she started to cry once more and needed changing again, crying all through that also, and then threw up all over again, only with more vomit this time. Mechanically Bridget changed whilst her daughter howled and wondered when it would end. As she took her back to the front room, soothing her, she suddenly caught sight of a woman. She had a tired and red face and a baby crying fit to burst in her arms, looking like she wanted to cry herself, and something in her hair. Bridget reached up and realised to her horror that it was Louise’s vomit.
“That can’t be me,” she whispered and then tears really came. “This isn’t what I wanted. Oh, why did I do this?” she sobbed.
Bridget stared at herself in the mirror for a second longer and then realised what she had said and cried harder, feeling horrifically guilty.
“Oh, baby, I didn’t mean it,” she sobbed into her daughter’s few curls. “I love you, shh...”
Louise wouldn’t stop and finally Bridget gave in and grabbed the phone. Sniffling, she dialled Declan’s number but it wasn’t him on the other end.
“Sorry,” came a younger man’s voice. “He’s not there.”
“Well, where is he?” asked Bridget over Louise’s howls.
“In a meeting. He’ll be another hour.”
“Oh,” sobbed Bridget and then the man asked anxiously, “Is it urgent? Is there anything I can do to help?”
“No,” sniffled Bridget. “No...don’t bother him, I’m fine. Sorry. Bye.”
She hung up and remembered what Miranda had said that morning, that she could call. But Bridget didn’t want to ruin her day with India and felt ashamed, not wishing her mother to see her like this, so she called the only other person she could think of.
“Hello?”
“Rebecca,” sobbed Bridget. “Can you come over –“
“I’m on my way right now, sweetie. Hold on.”
Twenty minutes later and Bridget opened the door to let Rebecca see her daughter-in-law in a sorry state. Bridget was sniffling and Louise was still wailing into her shoulder and Bridget had bags under her eyes and tear streaks all down her cheeks from the crying.
“Oh darling,” said Rebecca, her heart going out to her. “Come here.”
“She just won’t stop crying,” sobbed Bridget, hugging Rebecca and handing Louise to her in relief. “I just don’t know why! I’ve tried everything!”
“That’s what babies do,” soothed Rebecca. “What are those tears for, little lady? Aren’t you going to cheer up for Grandma?”
Louise looked surprised and then, miraculously, her cries became whimpers and finally she gave a happy gurgle and then fell asleep on Rebecca’s chest.
“Special Grandmother power,” whispered Rebecca happily but Bridget couldn’t smile and instead burst into more sobs.
“Hey,” said Rebecca anxiously, putting a free hand on Bridget’s shoulder. “What is it?”
“I think she hates me,” sobbed Bridget. “And I don’t blame her!”
“Bridget, what are you talking about? You’re her mummy!”
“Not a good one,” she sobbed. “I can’t stop her crying!”
“We’ve all had days like that,” said Rebecca anxiously. “Once I had a day where Declan cried for ten hours! I cried too and honestly, it felt like I was dying. I kept wondering what was wrong with me.”
“That’s not why she should hate me,” cried Bridget. “I was trying to calm her when I saw myself in the mirror, but I thought it was someone else at first. And she looked terrible, and then I realised it was me, and I felt terrible, and drained, and just awful and then I wondered why I’d done this. Why I’d gone through with it and even with Indy. I only thought it for a moment but I still thought it! I love my girls, Rebecca,” she said, with tears now streaming down her cheeks. “I do. Why did I think it?”
“It doesn’t make you a bad mum,” said Rebecca softly. “It really, really doesn’t. Darling, you’re only twenty-four and you have two small children, one of whom is a brand new baby. You’re absolutely exhausted. It doesn’t mean that you love them any less. And Louise doesn’t hate you at all, she loves you, you're her mother.”
“I feel like a terrible person,” sobbed Bridget into her shoulder. “Everyone else can stop their babies crying, can’t they? They can do it all. I try to stop her and does for fifteen minutes and then I can’t even study for five, or even two, and then she starts up again and I just couldn’t do it! I had to call you! Other mums don’t have to do that, they just manage!”
“Bridget, you were studying?!” echoed Rebecca in shock. “Why? You’re right, other mums don’t do that – the studying thing. And it’s for a very good reason – they are as exhausted as you and take that time to sleep, like you should!”
“I did it last time,” protested Bridget. “I went to school.”
“Yes, but then you had to go parttime, didn’t you?”
“Yes, but I still did it.”
“When you were at school the baby wasn’t,” reminded Rebecca gently. “Darling, you push yourself far too hard. I don’t doubt that one day you will go to university and become a doctor – I don’t for a second – but you have to be realistic. You’re going to have to write it off for a little while, just until she settles down more. You need all the sleep you can get – how much did you get last night?”
“About an hour,” sniffled Bridget. “It felt like that, anyway.”
“It probably was. And what’s this rubbish about you not being as good as other mums? You’re incredible, Bridget. And yes, they do ask for help. It’s the most sensible thing to do if you’re struggling. Did you call Declan?”
“He was at a meeting,” said Bridget, wiping her face with a tissue. “I’m sorry I called you. Thanks for coming. I don’t know what I’ve have done.”
“Don’t apologise,” said Rebecca firmly. “Now listen to me, this is the plan. I’m going to put this one to bed and then we are going to have a sit down and a cup of tea and you can talk about anything you want and bore me silly and then you are going for a nap. I’ll stay until Declan comes home and later if you want me to.”
Bridget didn’t know what to say and could only sniffle, give a watery smile and say, “Thanks, Rebecca.”
Rebecca put Louise down and made two cups of tea and Bridget told her all about Clara and finding her when she ran away.
“That takes me back,” sighed Rebecca, drinking some tea. “That poor girl and her poor mum.”
“I think they’re going to be okay now. Better, anyway. I haven’t spoken to them since yesterday but will soon. I dropped her off yesterday but I think she and Joanna just wanted to be alone.”
“We were okay in the end,” said Rebecca. “Me and Dec. I’m sure they will be too.”
They spoke for a little longer about how when Declan had run away, and then when Bridget had, and finally the conversation went back to how Bridget was doing and she found herself spilling all her woes.
“Indy hasn’t adjusted,” she said sadly, looking down at the cup. “What did we do wrong, Rebecca? I thought we were doing everything right.”
“You were.”
“So why isn’t she happy?” asked Bridget angrily, but feeling angry with herself rather than Rebecca. “I talked to her, I gave her books about it, we both spent quality time with her and made sure she was included in everything. And she’s still acting like we’ve betrayed her and she won’t even look at Louise!”
Bridget felt close to tears again and Rebecca gave her hand a comforting squeeze.
“There’s no understanding children sometimes. India will come round when she’s ready, even if she’s being a madam at the moment.”
“She’s already lost two sets of pocket money,” said Bridget gloomily. “She tried to switch Louise for her friend’s brother the other day. She put him in the pram and I was down the path before I realised.”
It was only Bridget’s unhappiness that stopped Rebecca from laughing at the story.
“Well,” she said. “India’s not the first one to take a while to adjust and she won’t be the last. Try not to worry about it, sweetie.”
“Rebecca,” said Bridget, looking up gratefully. “Thank you.”
A few hours later Declan came home.
“Mum?” he asked in surprise when he opened the door to see her holding Louise. “Where’s Didge? She’s okay, isn’t she?”
“She’s fine, relax,” said Rebecca, coming to give him a hug. “She’s asleep.”
“Didge is asleep?”
“She rang me in tears,” said Rebecca sternly. “She’s exhausted, poor thing.”
Declan felt awful.
“I thought she was doing okay...she seemed fine....”
“She will be,” promised Rebecca. “She just had a bad day. But if you can, I think you should try and get a day off next week. Bridget needs you.”
Declan walked quietly past her and went to his bedroom. Bridget was passed out on the bed, curled up under the covers, and looking very peaceful. He smiled, but didn’t want to wake her, so went back.
“I didn’t know,” he said honestly. “I’m sorry, Mum.”
“It’s not your fault,” said Rebecca quickly. “You know Didge bottles things up. Do you want a cup of tea, darling? You look exhausted too.”
“I am,” said Declan honestly. “Please," nd as Rebecca went to hug him he held his mother gratefully, letting himself relax, and he felt like her little boy again too.
“How’s my girl?” he asked finally and Rebecca smiled and handed her to him.
“Fine. A little grizzly before but okay now.”
Declan looked down at his daughter and her brilliant blue eyes. It felt like they were alone in the room. Louise suddenly clung onto his finger and he smiled.
“You are just as beautiful as your mummy,” he told her. “Did you know that?”
“There’s you in her too,” said Rebecca gently.
“I hope she doesn’t get my sarcasm, but if she has anything from me it will have come from you first.”
“Your stunning mum?” teased Rebecca.
“My stunning mum,” agreed Declan and they laughed, but then Declan got serious again.
“Didge will be right, won’t she, Mum?”
“Of course she will,” assured Rebecca. “Of course.”
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Post by sophie on Oct 31, 2010 11:19:05 GMT
“Hey,” said Dec softly that evening, sitting by Bridget with Louise in his arms. She stirred and opened her eyes.
“Dec...what time is it? Oh God, we’ve got to go and pick up Indy!”
“Relax,” he said quickly. “They’re coming here.”
“Coming here, but –“ Bridget stopped, confused. “Why?”
“Because you’re tired,” he told her. “And I didn’t think you felt like it. You’ve been out for nearly three hours.”
“What?” exclaimed Bridget, sitting up. “But I only just fell asleep...and what about Rebecca?”
“She had to go to work but she was here when I got back. She told me what happened.”
“Oh,” said Bridget, and she looked down and played with the doonah.
“How come you didn’t call me?”
“I did!” retorted Bridget. “You were in a meeting!”
“Oh,” said Declan, and it was his turn to look down.
“Rebecca came over as soon as I called, it was fine.”
“Didge, I’m sorry,” said Declan, looking up again.
“Why?”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”
“But you had to work,” said Bridget. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“Still...I’m sorry all the same. I’ll try and get a day off next week.”
“You don’t have to do that,” said Bridget, feeling thankful but not wanting him to stay home if they couldn’t afford to.
“I want to.”
“Can we afford to?” asked Bridget anxiously and he gave her a kiss.
“Of course we can. And I want an excuse to hang out with my girls.”
“You won’t be saying that when Louise is puking over you and crying her guts out,” warned Bridget, but she laughed and gave Louise a kiss. “Thanks, Dec.”
“It’s okay. But really, I’m sorry you had such a hard day,” said Declan, tracing her fingers.
“It's okay,” said Bridget awkwardly.
There was a pause and then Declan said, “Are you sure you still want them to come over for dinner?”
“They should,” said Bridget, swinging her legs out of bed. “I feel better that I’ve had a nap now and anyway, it’s Saturday tomorrow.”
“Thank God,” said Declan cuddling Louise.
“I know,” said Bridget, and she couldn’t help but worry about the week ahead.
Dinner went smoothly. India came bursting in in a wonderful mood, having spent the whole day as the centre of attention of her grandparents. Nan had painted with her and had made her a toastie for lunch and then they had coloured in pictures in India’s colouring book. After lunch Grandpa Steve had taken her to the clinic and she had been an important assistant and fed the animals and she had seen a brand new baby kitten! Then he’d taken her to the park and she’d had an icecream.
“That sounds like a lovely day, Indy,” said Bridget absentmindedly. She had just laid Louise in her basket, who had been whimpering slightly before and was hoping that she wouldn’t start crying again.
“Oh Mummy, please can I have a kitten?”
“India, we’ve had this discussion,” said Bridget firmly. “We can’t have pets at the moment, especially now that Louise is here.”
“Why not, there was Jake and Bronte when I was a baby,” said India sulkily.
“Don’t answer me back,” said Bridget irritably. “I’m sorry, India, no.”
India sulked and pushed the food around the food.
“Now don’t look at your mother like that,” Miranda told her and India looked guilty. “Why don’t you tell her some more about your day?”
So the conversation turned back to India’s day with her grandparents and it was only after dinner when Declan and Steve were clearing the table with some help from India that Miranda turned to her daughter and said quietly, “Declan told me about before. Oh darling, why didn’t you ring me? I’d have been there in a flash!”
Bridget felt ashamed, somehow.
“I didn’t want to ruin your day with Indy,” she said, playing with her sleeve. “I’m sorry.”
“Oh darling, I’m the one who’s sorry. Don’t get upset. Are you okay now?”
“Yeah,” said Bridget, and she managed a smile. “It’s the weekend anyway. I’m sorry Mum. I should have rung you...I don’t really know why I didn’t.”
“It’s okay,” said her mother, but Miranda couldn’t help feeling a little sad all the same. She had always wanted Bridget to go to her and it always felt as though she was her last option.
Saturday came after a sleepless night.
“I’m so glad it’s Saturday,” yawned Declan, coming out of the bedroom and flopping onto a sofa. He hadn’t got dressed yet.
“You and me both,” commented Bridget. “Ugh. I don’t think I can be bothered on getting out of these pyjamas today.”
“I wouldn’t mind that,” commented Declan with a grin and she rolled her eyes and threw a cushion at him.
“Is it a pillow fight?” came a curious voice and India wandered in.
“Indy!” said Declan in shock and sat up. “How long have you been there?”
“Not very long. Why do you want Mummy to get out of her pyjamas?”
“Er...I...er...” Declan struggled for an explanation whilst his daughter looked expectant. “Because...I want her to hurry up and get dressed so that we can all go out.”
“Oh,” said India, looking confused whilst Bridget tried not to laugh. “Did that make Mummy annoyed and start a pillow fight?”
“Yes,” said Declan in relief, but that disappeared as India shouted, “Yay, a pillow fight!” and lobbed another cushion at her father.
“India!” groaned Declan. “What is it with the women of this house throwing things at me?”
“That’s a pillow fight!” exclaimed India but the noise had woken up her sister and Louise started howling.
“Oh, I’ll go,” sighed Bridget and she hurried to her. The room went quiet and India looked down, looking small and sorry in her pyjamas.
“I didn’t meant to wake her...I was just playing...”
“I know,” said Declan, and India felt better as he gave her a hug, but then Louise kept crying and he went to join Bridget in trying to calm her down and India felt sick of her sister again. She wiggled her wobbly tooth with her finger and then went to get dressed herself, deliberately leaving the cushions on the floor.
“What do you want to do today?” asked Declan, holding Louise as Bridget finished tidying the cushions.
“Do we have to do anything?” she asked, standing up. “I’m so tired – I know you are too.”
“We don’t have to do anything much,” said Declan. “I was thinking maybe just a trip to the park – Indy definitely needs to burn off some energy. But if you don’t want to I’ll totally understand and I can just take the girls myself.”
“No, we should spend the day together,” said Bridget. “You can take care of Indy and I’ll take care of Louise. It’ll be fine.”
So twenty minutes later they set off, India running ahead happily.
“Race you to the swings Indy!” shouted Declan and they ran together, laughing, and Bridget smiled to see her family. She sat down on the bench with Louise.
“Maybe one day you and I can race to the swings together,” she suggested. “And we’d see if we could beat your daddy and sister.”
Louise waved an arm in reply and Bridget giggled.
“We definitely would. Or you could try and beat your daddy – I know you would – or you could try and beat Indy, give her some competition.”
As Bridget finished the sentence she felt a little sad and wondered if India ever would want to swing with her sister. But surely she would, she told herself. It was only because she was adjusting that she was acting a little nastily towards her sister, and she looked up as she heard her daughter shout and she laughed and waved at Declan and India, both swinging as hard as they could. Bridget wondered when she would ever want to go on the swings again. A grizzle came from Louise and Bridget sighed, guessing she was hungry, and she quickly fed her. As she let her top back down someone sat next to her and said, “Hello Bridget.”
Bridget looked up, surprised and saw it was Mrs Smithson.
“Oh,” she said. “Hello. How’s it been?”
Mrs Smithson shrugged.
“Oh. You know. I’ve just been busy with the divorce and everything...Mr Smithson agreed to my having full custody but I’m living with my sister.”
“Oh,” said Bridget, not sure what to say, so she settled on, “how are Timothy and Jane?”
“They’ve been more naughty,” sighed Mrs Smithson, and she nodded towards the playground. “There they are on the roundabout,” and Bridget looked up to see her son and daughter shouting with laughter and Jane’s hair and skirt billowing out.
“I suppose they’re adjusting too.”
“Well. Yes. They miss their father,” said Mrs Smithson with a sniff. “He’s taking them camping next weekend.”
“I suppose that’s good then...” said Bridget, her voice trailing off, but then Mrs Smithson changed the subject.
“And this must be your baby.”
“Yes,” said Bridget fondly, turning Louise around. “She’s twelve days old. We’ve called her Louise.”
“That’s a pretty name,” said Mrs Smithson and she gave the baby a small smile. “Another girl then.”
“Yes,” said Bridget, giving Louise another kiss. “She’s gorgeous.”
“She is.”
“Would you like to hold her?” Bridget suddenly found herself offering and Mrs Smithson hesitated and then held her arms out for her.
“Hello,” she said awkwardly, but she smiled down at Louise and Bridget couldn’t shake the feeling of how strange it all was – she would never have dreamt before of spending a Saturday on a bench with Mrs Smithson and letting her hold her daughter.
“Did Timothy and Jane enjoy India’s party?” asked Bridget to break the silence. “Thank you for their present.”
“Yes, but the stains simply won’t come out of Jane’s dress and Timothy’s shirt!”
“Oh,” said Bridget, feeling guilty, but also longing to ask Mrs Smithson why on earth she had dressed her children in white for a children’s birthday party – particularly India’s. “Sorry.”
“Never mind,” said Mrs Smithson primly. “Does India like her present?”
“Yes,” lied Bridget, thinking of the Alicebands which were still in their packet and sitting, unused, on the dresser in Bridget’s room.
“There’s India,” remarked Mrs Smithson, looking to the swings. “And that must be Declan?”
“Yes,” said Bridget, smiling at her husband who was laughing with their daughter and trying to kick his legs up, knowing that he probably acted the same on the swings as a boy.
“You’re lucky,” remarked Mrs Smithson suddenly and Bridget felt awkward again.
“Yes. I am.”
“You have a beautiful family and your husband loves you.”
“Well,” said Bridget, feeling embarrassed. “You know you still have a beautiful family, even if you’re not married now. You still have two great kids.”
“Yes,” said Mrs Smithson thoughtfully and then she handed Louise back suddenly. “Well. I must be getting on. It was nice to see you Bridget, and congratulations on Louise.”
“Thank you,” said Bridget, surprised at her abruptness and Mrs Smithson hesitated and then said in a rush, “I’m sorry for looking down on you before. It was rude.”
“It’s okay,” said Bridget but then she was hurrying to the roundabout and trying to get Jane and Timothy off it, who were protesting and starting to argue. Mrs Smithson put her hands on her hips, looking stern and finally they got off, looking mutinous.
“What was that about?” asked Declan suddenly, who had finally got off the swings and looked slightly dizzy. India was still swinging.
“She apologised to me,” said Bridget in shock. “I never thought that she would in a million years.”
“Maybe that’s the day to buy the lottery ticket,” teased Declan but Bridget stayed serious and watched them leave the park.
“I feel sorry for her. I think I was luckier than her, even if she got to go to university before me and didn’t get pregnant young.”
“Really?” echoed Declan, sitting by her.
“Mm.”
“You’re becoming friends now. Maybe it really is the day to buy the lottery ticket.”
Bridget laughed and waved to India.
“I don't know about that. She’s still going strong then,” she commented.
“I don’t know how she gets all that energy,” said Declan, wincing and bending his legs. “I know she didn’t sleep that much either – you wouldn’t think it, would you? And I don’t think she’s burnt off half of it.”
“Just wait til this one’s old enough to go on the swings,” said Bridget wickedly and Declan let out a long, low groan.
“They’re both going to kill me.”
“I think we are lucky though,” said Bridget again and Declan smiled and agreed and they waved to India on the swing.
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Post by sophie on Nov 2, 2010 12:28:04 GMT
The rest of the weekend slipped away and before Bridget knew it, it was Monday. Sunday had been spent with Rebecca and then at Miranda and Steve's where they had all had dinner and then called Riley, and then suddenly Bridget was putting Louise to bed and Declan was putting India to bed and then they were going to bed themselves, leaving Bridget to wonder where the day had gone, and then Louise had cried and continued to do so on and off for several hours leaving Bridget to wonder, in the faint, grey light of the dawn, where the night had gone too. Now it was Monday morning, Declan had kissed her and their daughters goodbye, they had eaten and got dressed and Bridget was in charge of Louise and India again, who both seemed to be in grizzly moods. Still, thought Bridget, at least India would be going to Emily's house later and she would only have one daughter to take care of for a few hours.
"Who's two weeks old?" she asked, kissing Louise, who was finally settling down. "Who's two weeks old today?"
Bridget felt a little emotional and so had Declan at breakfast but India announced, "Mummy, I'm bored," and was clearly feeling a lot less sentimental.
"Well," said Bridget, jiggling Louise up and down (but gently so as not to repeat earlier accidents), "I don't know what to do about that Indy. Why don't you get your colouring book out and do some colouring?"
"I don't want to colour."
"Draw a picture then," Bridget suggested.
"I don't want to draw!" said India petulantly.
"How about reading your book or doing a jigsaw?"
"No thanks."
"You could do some dressing-up," said Bridget excitedly. "I could get your dressing-up box down – how about that, Indy?"
"We're going to dress up at Emily's," India informed her. "And dressing up is no fun by yourself!"
"Oh," said Bridget, and she felt at a loss.
"I want to do something with you, Mummy," said India, which made Bridget feel slightly guilty.
"I'd like to too, Indy-pants. But it's raining a bit outside so I can't take you to the park."
"Can we go swimming again?" asked India hopefully and her face fell when Bridget shook her head apologetically.
"Why not?"
"Because I have to take Louise and she's too little to go swimming. I'm sorry, darling."
India thought and asked, "Can I play assault course?"
"That's a bit noisy, darling. It's too loud for Louise, it might make her upset."
"She's boring!"
"India, she's a baby!" admonished Bridget. "Darling, I don't know what else you can do. I can take you to the library for a little while, if you want some new books?"
"Mummy, can you read to me?"
Bridget hesitated, remembering the last time she had done so, but India looked hopeful and Bridget was relieved that she had thought of something to do.
"Okay. Go to your room and pick a book."
India ran to her bedroom and hurried back with a book. Bridget took it, looked at the cover, and was surprised. It was a book that they had got for India a few years ago, when she was only beginning to read and the story was quite basic. India preferred chapter books now.
"This one?" she echoed. "Are you sure?"
"Yes please," said India, snuggling down on the sofa. "I liked you reading it to me when I was little."
"Okay," said Bridget, slightly surprised, and she sat down with India and began to read the book, the story coming back to her as she turned the pages. India sat curled up against her whilst the rain fell outside but just as Bridget dared to feel happy Louise wasn't and she suddenly let out a loud cry. India looked annoyed.
"Oh dear," sighed Bridget. "Come on Looby Lou. Sorry, Indy, she's hungry."
"Okay," sighed India but Louise's cries didn't stop after she was fed and changed and Bridget quietly sang lullabies to her under her breath and rubbed her back.
"Why's she crying?" asked India sulkily, coming into the nursery and holding the book.
"Indy, I don't know," said Bridget, trying to be patient. "She's a baby and they cry."
"When can you read to me again?"
"When she stops," said Bridget. "I don't know when. Why don't you read to yourself for a bit?"
India went back to the sofa and read for a while but the story suddenly seemed boring and babyish and she could remember what happened anyway. It was short and she finished it well before Louise stopped crying. India wandered to the desk and pulled out a piece of paper and crayon. She wrote a letter to Rachel and Louise's cries died down so India put the crayon down and went back to the nursery. Bridget was sitting on the rocking chair, looking tired and relieved.
"I've finished my book," India told her irritably.
"Did you? Well done. Why don't you get another one and I'll put Louise down for a nap?"
"I have to go to Emily's," India reminded her crossly.
"Is it that time already? Sorry Indy."
"Can you read to me later?"
"If Louise isn't crying."
"It's not fair!" shouted India suddenly, making her sister cry again and Bridget groaned, and she wondered how she could ever have found it hard with just India.
"India!" she exclaimed. "Look what you've done!"
"It's not fair, you're always spending time with her!"
"India, she's a baby and she needs me a lot. It doesn't mean that I don't want to spend time with you, I will when Daddy's home. It is fair. Now go and get ready and don't shout like that again or you won't go!"
India turned and stamped away and Bridget would have called at her not to stamp, but Louise was crying harder than ever and she felt helpless, like she was doing everything wrong. She did not have time to dwell on it, however, as India emerged with her coat and shoes on and there was a ring on the doorbell, and it was Emily's mother to pick her up. Luckily Louise had stopped crying at this point and she and Emily cooed over her in Bridget's arms.
"Oh, isn't she precious? She looks just like Emily did as a baby! It's making me want another one!"
"She cries heaps," commented India and Bridget warned, "Indy!" but Emily's mother laughed.
"Yes, they do! Emily cried the house down! Come on, let's go."
As they drove to Emily's Emily constantly asked, "Mummy, why can't I have a baby sister?" and got annoyed when her mother laughed.
"You can have Louise," said India honestly, and felt annoyed when she was laughed at too. When they got to Emily's house Emily's mother pulled out a plate of sandwiches but they were filled with a filling India disliked, but Emily's mother expected everything to be eaten, so in the end India snuck the sandwiches into her pockets when she wasn't looking.
"All done?" she asked. "Good girls. Well, the sun's come out now – how about we go to the park?"
India and Emily ran happily into the playground as Emily's mother sat down with a book on the bench.
"Let's play horses!" exclaimed India but Emily shook her head.
"Let's play Mummies and Babies and I can be the mummy and you can be the baby!"
"I'm not a baby!" shouted India angrily and Emily shrugged.
"Okay, I'll be the baby!"
"I don't want to play babies!" snapped India. "I don't like babies!"
Emily didn't say anything but went and sat on one of the swings – a mean thing to do as the rest were all taken and India looked at her for a moment and then wandered over to the climbing frame, feeling angry with everyone. She didn't need them, she told herself sulkily, and put a foot on the rung of the frame, deciding that she was a famous explorer where there were no babies whatsoever. She had got a little higher up when a voice came from above that said, "Your mummy had a baby!"
India looked up and saw that it was someone from school who she didn't like. His name was Marcus Clod.
"Yes," she said shortly and looked away again.
"I'm talking to you! What's its name?"
"Louise," said India, looking away again, but the boy grabbed her hand.
"That's a normal name. Your name's not normal!"
"My name's special!" retorted India but Marcus sneered, "It's a bogan name 'cause you're a bogan girl!"
"I'm not!" shouted India angrily.
"My mummy says your mummy's a bogan!"
"My mummy's not a bogan!"
"She is and you are too 'cause you've got a bogan name and she knew you'd be a bogan girl. Bogan girl, bogan girl!" he sang.
"Shut up!" shouted India but he let go of her hand roughly and she fell onto the ground.
India didn't fall far and normally when she fell over she simply got up again and didn't cry, but she felt upset already, and the bump was a shock. India felt something strange and noticed that her tooth had gone too and now the tooth fairy wouldn't even come and she burst into loud tears. Emily's mother came running over.
"Indy! What is it?"
"I fell off!" bawled India.
"Oh, sweetheart, did you fall far? Let me look at you."
"It was him," gulped India, looking up at the frame whilst Emily's mother checked her over but Marcus had disappeared.
"Who?"
"Him..."
Emily's mother looked around but couldn't see anyone.
"There's no one there, darling. You're okay, you just took a tumble. Does this hurt? Did you hit your head?" and she squeezed India's arms and legs.
"No."
"Good girl. Come on, let's go."
"My tooth!" sobbed India but Emily's mother wasn't listening and they had to leave it behind. Still, India enjoyed an afternoon of being fussed over and playing dressing-up. She and Emily were even allowed to watch a movie before their show, and India felt much better by the time she got home.
Bridget's afternoon was lot less dramatic. She calmed Louise down again, did some laundry and a few feeds and checked her e-mails. She had one from Riley, asking how she was and for pictures of his niece, and one from Rachel asking the same thing with a promise of 'coming back soon' but not saying when. Sighing, Bridget replied to both, attaching photos and then went and put Louise down.
"You are a very in-demand lady," she told her. "How does that feel?"
Louise wriggled slightly in reply.
"I think the same," said Bridget, and she gave her a kiss. She lay Louise in her basket and tidied the kitchen and front room and found India's letter to Rachel, written in purple crayon. It read, Deer Arnty Rachel, I miss you heeps. Please come bak and look after Louise. Mummy showd me how to spell her naym. It looks weerd. Can you tayk her to Ingland? She just crys and mayks Mummy and Daddy look at her. I want them to play wiv me! Will you play wiv me wen you come bak? Wen ar you coming bak? I love you, Indy xxx
Bridget frowned when she read it and put a hand to her head. What should she do? Sit down with India about it or let her adjust in her own time? She thought she ought to but it seemed like Louise was always crying at crucial moments. Maybe Declan could look after her and they could have a talk then... Speaking of, a key turned in the lock and it was Declan himself.
"Hey!"
"Hey," said Bridget, giving him a kiss. "How was work?"
He wrinkled his nose.
"Oh, you know. Work."
"Yeah," said Bridget sympathetically. "Did you talk to your boss?"
"Yeah," said Declan awkwardly. "Sorry Didge, he said that I can have a day off next week, but not this week. We're too busy – some hotshot publishers are all in and everyone has to be there. I'm sorry, I really tried."
"Oh," said Bridget, and she couldn't help feeling rather deflated, but she smiled. "It's okay. We can look forward to it next week."
"Sorry. How was your day?"
"Not bad, she didn't cry too much. Don't be sorry, you couldn't help it. Who are they, anyway?"
"No idea," yawned Declan. "How's my little one?"
"Asleep. But speaking of your little one, I think we need a chat with our other one."
Declan frowned but just as Bridget was about to tell him the doorbell rang and it was India being dropped off by Emily and her mother.
"Hi," said Bridget, giving her a hug. "How was your day?"
"I fell off the climbing frame!"
"She's fine," said Emily's mother quickly. "She didn't fall far. India's okay. How's Louise?"
"Asleep, thankfully," said Bridget and India closed her mouth, after being ready to tell the story.
"Bless her. Well, we must be off."
"Say thank you," reminded Bridget and India did so and Emily and her mother left.
"I'm going to get changed," said Declan but just then Louise woke up and began to cry and he went in to get her, coming back and handing her to Bridget.
"Do you think she needs feeding? She's dry."
"I fell off the climbing frame," reminded India but they were checking on Louise.
"She can't be," said Bridget. "I fed her twenty minutes ago."
"I lost my tooth!" exclaimed India but they weren't listening.
"She must just be cranky," said Declan.
"I got called a bogan," said India, hoping to shock them and make them demand to know what had happened but they were focused on Louise.
"My poor Little Miss! I know what'll cheer you up. Let her rip, take a tip, for we'll win the premiership..."
Louise's cries died down but that did it for India. That had always been her special song and her special name.
"That's my lullaby!" she shouted, setting Louise off again. "That's my lullaby, not hers and I'm your little miss, not her!"
"India!"
"I hate her!" shouted India over Louise's screams. "I hate her!"
"INDIA!"
"I do!" she cried, stamping her foot. "I hate her and I don't love her and I wish she'd never been born!"
"INDIA NAPIER!"
India had gone bright red and she stared at her furious parents for a moment and then turned and fled the room, slamming her door with a bang.
Bridget started crying and she gave Louise a kiss.
"She didn't mean it," she whispered.
"Of course she didn't mean it," said Declan, putting his arm around her.
"How could she say that?" Bridget cried. "I always wanted a sister. How can she not want her baby sister?"
"Hey, she's seven," said Declan quickly. "She's acting out and behaving badly."
"I want her to love her!"
"She does love her, she's just being naughty! I'll go and talk to her," and Declan gave her a kiss too, and Louise and went to his daughter's room. India was beginning to feel scared about what she had said and was sitting on the bed hugging her teddy bear when Declan came in.
"You didn't mean that," said Declan but she didn't reply.
"I never, ever want you to say anything so hurtful again."
India still didn't reply but she looked down.
"Say sorry this instant!"
"Sorry," she mumbled into her lap and Declan lost his temper and grabbed Teddy and London.
"Give them back!" shouted India.
"You can have them back when you learn to apologise properly," Declan told her. "You've made your mummy cry and I'm very, very angry with you indeed. You can stay in your room for the rest of the day and you can't go to the park for the rest of the week or watch your show. I want you to come and apologise properly."
India didn't say anything but pursed her lips together and sat with her arms folded on the bed. Declan had had enough.
"Fine, sit here then. I don't know where India's gone but I'd like her back, because I know that Indy would say sorry and be nicer to her sister. When you've come and said sorry properly maybe you can have Teddy and London back. Maybe."
He looked at her again but she wouldn't look at him so Declan sighed and left her room, and as soon as he had gone India started crying. Now Daddy hated her as well as the tooth fairy not coming. Mummy probably hated her too if she had made her cry and they didn't want her anyway. They would rather have Louise.
"You took her teddies?" exclaimed Bridget, when Declan came out. She had managed to get Louise to stop crying.
"I wanted to get through to her!"
"Did you?"
"She won't come out and apologise," said Declan grimly and Bridget sighed and looked down at her baby daughter.
"I still think we should have a chat with her."
"I want her to think about what she's done," said Declan, picking up Louise for a cuddle. "She can't say things like that and get away with it."
"No," sighed Bridget, looking down and feeling sad. "I suppose not."
India moochily ate her steak and was not allowed dessert and then went straight to bed without a story and although Bridget knew that she had been naughty she still slipped into her room when it had got dark.
"Indy," she whispered, but India rolled away. "Indy, talk to me. You didn't mean it."
There was a silence and then India mumbled, "I hate her!" crossly and Bridget felt angry and stood up.
"I'm very angry with you. You should love your little sister, India Napier and I'm going to be angry until you say sorry."
India didn't say anything except for, "Emily and me watched a movie before my show. Why can't we do that here?"
Bridget lost her temper.
"Auntie Rachel is going to be very angry with you as well, especially after I tell her that you would rather watch movies than say sorry to me. Do you want to explain that letter I found?"
There was no reply, even from the last blow, and Bridget felt like screaming, but instead she got up and said, "I know you love your sister," and then left the room, leaving India feeling bereft. She had never lost a tooth without a visit from the tooth fairy, never gone to sleep without her teddies but most importantly she had never gone to sleep without a bedtime kiss and India sniffled quietly in the dark.
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Post by Bee on Nov 2, 2010 13:10:49 GMT
poor India, Declan and Bridget!
just caught up on it all and its all fantastic as usual...cant wait for more Sophie!!
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Post by sophie on Nov 2, 2010 22:36:55 GMT
Thanks Lia!
The next day India decided to display what Miranda had always called dumb insolence. She wasn’t loud, or argumentative, but she went round with a scowl on her face and stayed shut up in her room and wouldn’t talk to her parents. Bridget decided to let her be the one to start a conversation so they ate their breakfast and lunch in silence. Bridget was exhausted from the night before where, true to form, Louise had screamed most of the way and she and Declan barely talked that morning, and, from Louise’s grizzles whilst they ate breakfast, Bridget was sure that he wasn’t that sorry to be leaving the house, even if it was for work. Bridget, feeling half-asleep, ate some toast for lunch whilst Louise whimpered slightly and India sulkily ate her sandwich and then got up to leave the table.
“Put that by the sink,” said Bridget irritably. “And a thank you for the sandwich would be nice, miss.”
“Thanks,” said India, not sounding it, and she went back upstairs to her room. Bridget wondered for a moment about reprimanding her but she knew it would result in an argument and she did not have the energy for one that day. Louise started squawking and, shushing her, Bridget took her to the nursery and fed her and as she calmed down the phone rang.
“Hello?” asked Bridget irritably.
“Hi, darling,” came Rebecca’s voice. “Sorry if it’s a bad time – I was wondering if you wanted me to help out at all?”
“Oh, Rebecca,” said Bridget gratefully, taking the phone and sitting down. “Sorry, I didn’t know it was you. It’s not a bad time.”
“How are the girls?”
Bridget paused for a moment.
“Bridget?”
“Louise is fine,” she said eventually. “She seems more grizzly today but I’m probably imagining it – all babies grizzle, don’t they, that’s what they do. She’s fine for now, I’ve just fed her. Indy’s being a menace.”
“Oh?”
“She shouted a lot of horrible things about Louise last night,” said Bridget, feeling upset again. “She said she hated her! I know she didn’t mean it, but...”
“She didn’t, darling. She’s only seven. And I couldn’t count the number of times my brother and I said we hated each other – we didn’t mean it.”
“I guess,” sniffled Bridget.
“Do you want me to look after her for the afternoon?”
“Oh, it’s okay. She’s sulking up in her room because she’s in a lot of trouble – she’s not pestering me though.”
“That doesn’t sound fun for either of you.”
“Mm.”
“Let me look after Indy today,” said Rebecca finally. “Not because I feel like I have to – I want to. It would probably be good for both of you.”
“But she’s in trouble,” said Bridget unsurely. “I don’t want it to seem like we’re rewarding her for being naughty if she gets a day with Grandma.”
“I won’t treat her,” said Rebecca. “I’ll have a chat with her about everything and it would let you concentrate on Louise for a bit without worrying about her too. Only for a couple of hours.”
“Well...all right,” agreed Bridget, and she felt relieved. “Thanks.”
So Rebecca came round twenty minutes later and picked India up.
“You had better be on your best behaviour,” warned Bridget before they left, and India looked sullen. “I mean it Miss Napier.”
“We’ll be fine,” said Rebecca quickly. “Come on, madam. Give your mummy a kiss.”
India leaned up reluctantly and gave Bridget a kiss and then they went, Rebecca waving to Bridget and Louise in the doorway. Once they had gone Bridget felt slightly at a loss and didn’t know what to do. Louise wasn’t crying but it wasn’t her naptime for another couple of hours and Bridget didn’t want to mess up the routine already. She guessed she could study, but did feel very tired and remembered Rebecca’s warning not to. Maybe she had a point, Bridget silently conceded and really, she felt too tired for any sort of reading, even a easy sort of novel, so she went to the sofa and tried to watch some bad TV, but none of it grabbed her. Bridget turned it off and wandered around the house, absentmindedly tidying a few things, and she went upstairs and into India’s room. It had that special India-smell and there were a few things strewn on the carpet. Bridget lay Louise on the bed and picked them up, and then Louise up and she straightened the covers on the bed. She looked outside and saw that the sun was out and suddenly felt that she had to be outside too and was sick of being inside. She put Louise gently into her baby sling and took her keys and then walked around the neighbourhood. There was a gentle breeze and it wasn’t too cold and Bridget found herself going where her daughter couldn’t and sitting on a bench in the park and thought about India, and how she could get through to her and when she would apologise.
“Bridget?”
Bridget looked up to see Joanna standing next to her.
“Hi!” she exclaimed and Joanna came and sat down. “How are you? How’s Clara?”
“She’s doing better,” said Joanna, smiling. “We’re both fine – getting there.”
“That’s good,” said Bridget, smiling as well.
“How’re you and Declan? How’s Indy? Is she enjoying being a big sister?”
Bridget’s face fell slightly and Joanna looked anxious.
“Sorry...”
“No, don’t be silly,” said Bridget quickly. “She’s adjusting, that’s all,” but Bridget didn’t sound very positive.
“You’re welcome to come back to my place for a proper chat,” offered Joanna. “I do cups of tea and biscuits.”
“Oh,” hesitated Bridget. “Aren’t you busy with the girls or work?”
“The girls are having a sisterly day out,” said Joanna happily. “They’re off at the cinema and I have the day off. I don’t mean to pry though – we can talk about something else and I don’t know if you have any plans either.”
“You’re not prying. She’s my biggest plan at the moment,” said Bridget, looking down at Louise in her sling. “She has her nap in two hours but that’s all. I’d love to come round.”
As they got up to go the wind blew more coldly and they shivered.
“Isn’t it changeable?” sighed Joanna, as they made their way to her house. “I can’t wait for summer.”
“Me neither,” said Bridget, going inside. “For one thing, maybe she’ll be sleeping through the night!”
“How have things been?” asked Joanna, putting the kettle on. Bridget sat down at the table and she joined her.
“I had a bad day the other day,” said Bridget, concentrating on taking Louise out of the sling.
“Did you?”
“Louise cried for hours,” said Bridget awkwardly. “In the end I couldn’t handle it and I rang Rebecca – my mother-in-law - and she was able to help.”
“Oh, Bridget,” said Joanna, and she took her hand.
“It was a really horrible day,” Bridget told her. “I didn’t know how to stop her crying and I just looked at myself in the mirror and couldn’t believe it was me.”
“Poor you. I’ve had days where I couldn’t stop you – any of you – for crying for hours.”
“It’s not something they tell you about when they go on about the joys of parenting, is it?” joked Bridget wearily. “That and the sleepless nights.”
“I’ll always help,” offered Joanna awkwardly. “If you want me to.”
“Thanks,” said Bridget, and she smiled, and neither really knew what to say for a moment. Joanna went and poured out the tea and then came back, handing Bridget her mug.
“So India isn’t enjoying being a sister?”
Bridget felt miserable and stared at her cup.
“That’s an understatement,” she said finally.
“It’s a lot for her to get used to,” Joanna said comfortingly.
“She said that she hated Louise!” cried Bridget. “She said that she hated her and didn’t love her and wish that she’d never been born! How could she say that?”
“Because she’s seven,” said Joanna gently. “And all siblings say things like that, they don’t mean it. I know you told me you and Riley argued and so do Josie and Clara.”
“But Louise is a baby!” exclaimed Bridget.
“Exactly – she’s a baby, and a baby girl at that – who has ousted her place in the family,” and, as Bridget started to contradict her, “I know that’s not true, Bridget. Of course you love her just as much but India’s only seven and she’s feeling unwanted, especially as Louise needs so much attention at the moment and she’s in trouble with both you and Declan.”
“But the reason she’s in trouble is because she keeps being naughty,” said Bridget, feeling terribly confused. “I can’t count the number of times I’ve told her that how much she’s loved and that a baby won’t change that, and that the reason I can’t spend so much time with her now is because Louise needs us so much all the time.”
Bridget felt upset and sipped her tea.
“It’s been a big change for India,” said Joanna, taking her hand again. “For years she was your only child and the centre of both your attention, and Steve and Miranda and Rebecca’s. There was no one else and then suddenly she’s told that she’s going to have a sibling, out of the blue, and then it comes earlier than expected and it’s a girl to add to it all. And then all her family are talking about Louise and focused on Louise and she doesn’t see her as a precious new family member, she sees a noisy, smelly baby who has gone and taken all the attention.”
“I know,” sniffled Bridget. “But I don’t know what to do.”
“Have you spent much time with her since Louise was born?”
“No,” admitted Bridget, and then, defensively, “I couldn’t. She needs me so much – Declan’s at work so I always have to be with her and she’s been crying so much and it feels like every five minutes she’s needing a feed or change or crying for the sake of it. I did promise India some time with her the other day, but I fell asleep. I was so tired. And then she was naughty and woke Louise up and then got paint all over the floor. I want to spend some time with her, Joanna, I really do, but it seems that whenever I start to Louise needs me again and she’s been so naughty lately. Me and Dec are at our wit’s end. She won’t say sorry and she’s just been scowling at us and talking back.”
“It’ll get better,” soothed Joanna but Bridget felt upset and sniffled into her tea.
“She’s never been naughty before – well, I mean, she has of course, but she’s never been for long and has always said sorry and she never talked back at us before. She would normally just get cross about bedtime or eating vegetables and now she’s being a little madam. Declan’s being tough with her and I know I should be too, but I just want to talk about it properly with her, and whenever I try Louise cries or she’s rude again.”
“She’s adjusting.”
“But she’s been adjusting for months!” exclaimed Bridget. “She started acting up ever since I told her I was pregnant and she was being her normal self again and then as soon as I brought Louise home from the hospital she’s been so sulky and badtempered. My little girl’s always been so sunny and she’s normally so happy. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong,” and a tear dripped off Bridget’s nose.
“Come on,” said Joanna, putting an arm round her. “Stop being so hard on yourself. India is seven, sweetheart, and she’s just angry because she’s worried that she’s been replaced. She hasn’t, of course she hasn’t, but that’s how she’s feeling.”
“I guess,” sniffled Bridget.
“Maybe you could let Declan or your mum watch Louise for an hour or two?” suggested Joanna. “I know it’s hard, but maybe you could both go for a walk somewhere and talk about it all properly. I know she shouldn’t be naughty but she must be feeling mixed up.”
“How do you know all of this?” asked Bridget finally, looking up and Joanna gave a sad smile.
“Bitter experience.”
Bridget suddenly remembered what she had told her about how Clara had acted when Josie was born.
“What did you say to Clara?”
“I didn’t say anything, really,” sighed Joanna. “She was only two. I told her that I loved her a lot and tried to play with her when Josie was napping. It took her a long time though – you know they both say awful things to each other sometimes, even though I know they don’t mean them. I really should have prepared Clara more though instead of coming home with the baby and then suddenly telling her she had a sister.”
“I thought I prepared Indy,” said Bridget sadly.
“You did. India will come round, I promise. You can prepare them for heaps of things and they’ll still find it hard, especially with new siblings.”
Bridget was thoughtful and traced her finger over the rim of the mug.
“Thank you,” she said finally, looking up. “Sorry to rabbit on for so long about all my problems anyway – how are things with you and Clara?”
“You weren’t rabbiting on, don’t be silly. Things have been a lot better. Clara and I had a long talk.”
“Really?” asked Bridget and Joanna smiled a little, but looked sad.
“I think we should have done a long time ago. Oh Bridget, I’ve been so angry with myself.”
“Why?”
“I keep thinking about when Clara and I had that awful argument when she told me about the party and the smoking, and about how angry I got.”
“She shouldn’t have done all that.”
“No, of course not, but I was too hard on her. I was far too hard on her. You were right when you told me two months was too much but I felt so hurt that I didn’t think about it. I felt so betrayed by it all and it felt like the last straw – I’d been arguing with David, Josie had been bullied and Clara had been bad enough without me knowing all that for months and then she went and dropped all that on me, and I just couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe that my baby girl had been smoking cigarettes and running off to parties and forced into kissing boys. And I should have comforted her.”
“Joanna –“
“I should have. Not about the smoking but it must have been hard for her to tell me all of it, especially about the boy, and she was so upset about it. I should have hugged her and let her talk to me about it but I just went completely off my head. I grounded her for so long because I felt like she had thrown everything back in my face and like it was my fault.”
“Why would it be?”
“Because it felt like because I’d let her go to the sleepover I’d let it happen. I never, ever wanted anything like that to happen to her ever again so I thought that if I was hard on her she’d think twice next time and not sneak out, but it was a mistake. It just made her more angry and upset and no wonder. It was like what my mother would have done and we all know how it made me feel.”
“You’re not like your mum,” said Bridget, and it was her turn to take Joanna’s hand, who was looking upset. “And you didn’t let it happen. It was no one’s fault, no one except those boys’.”
“I know that reasonably,” said Joanna, who was sniffling a little herself. “But part of me still thinks that. I should have talked it all out with Clara instead of screaming at her and grounding her for so long. I know I wasn’t wrong for being angry, but I should have handled it differently. And part of it felt like it was some sort of punishment.”
“Punishment?”
“I don’t know – I got back on my feet and married and had two children, but I still have my past, and it felt like it wasn’t okay for everything to be so good now, even with the divorce, when it hadn’t been before.”
Bridget didn’t know what to say.
“That’s crazy,” she said firmly finally. “Of course you deserve to be happy.”
“I know,” said Joanna quickly. “It’s stupid...”
“It’s not stupid. And hey,” said Bridget, with a small grin, “you should probably blame me and Ri. We both smoked when we were too young, we both snuck off, and I dragraced. Clara has bad examples!”
Joanna started to laugh and so did Bridget, and they giggled for a few minutes.
“Well, I’ve lifted her punishment,” said Joanna finally. “I know she’s learnt her lesson – oh Bridget, I never felt so terrible in my life when she run off. I’ll never stop feeling grateful to you.”
“I’m her sister,” said Bridget, feeling embarrassed but not in a bad way.
“Still....it doesn’t change the fact that you found her.”
They smiled and then Bridget asked, “Any other news?” to break the ice.
“I talked to David,” said Joanna. “And we decided that we really don’t want a long custody fight. It’ll be even worse for the girls and at the end of the day we both love them just as much and want what’s best for them. So we’re going to keep the arrangement, only I’m going to have the girls home for a weekend in the month and they can spend part of their school holiday with their dad too. We’ll see how that goes.”
“That sounds good.”
“Clara told me she felt like the divorce had been her fault,” admitted Joanna suddenly, and she looked upset again.
“Why would she think that?”
“Because she’s been a bit teenagery this year,” sighed Joanna. “Before we split up she was being moody and arguing about bedtime and silly things like that. Of course it wasn’t her fault, none of it, but she’s wondered if that was part of why we’d split up.”
“Oh, Joanna.” Bridget didn’t know what to say.
“I wish she’d told me before,” cried Joanna. “I did tell the girls when we split up that it had nothing to do with them but Clara must have wondered all the same, and then she felt so angry that we had split up that she acted worse and worse. I just thought she was being a typical teenage girl.”
“It’s not your fault,” assured Bridget again and Joanna let out a shaky sigh.
“I know. Oh, parenting should come with a manual. We’re getting there though,” she said with a smile. “Clara’s been rather down in the dumps about that boy though, even though I told her she doesn’t need a boyfriend.”
The door opened and Josie and Clara burst in arguing.
“Mum!” exclaimed Clara. “You won’t believe what Josie’s just gone and done!”
“Hello to you too,” said Joanna, grinning at Clara. “And have you even noticed who’s here?”
“Hey, Didge,” said Clara quickly, and she and Josie quickly gave her a hug and Louise a kiss.
“Hey,” grinned Bridget. “Carry on.”
“You won’t believe what she did!”
“Tell us then,” said Joanna. “We’re dying to know here!”
“We came out of the cinema and Andrew was there with some dumb blonde from my class who can’t spell apple –“
“Clara!”
“What, she can’t! Anyway, Josie ran up to them and told Andrew –“
“I said that he was biggest loser on the planet for ditching my sister,” said Josie proudly. “Especially for someone who only cares about her mirror!”
“JOSIE!”
“It’s true!” protested Josie.
“And then she pushed him,” sighed Clara. “And spilt her cola all down his shirt!”
“And he said I was a total brat,” said Josie, over Bridget’s giggles, “and Clara said if he dared say anything bad about me again then she’d punch his lights out! And then she spilt her drink all down his shirt too, and his popcorn!”
“Clara!” cried Joanna, but Bridget could tell she was struggling not to laugh too. “Josie! What am I going to do with either of you?”
“You said I didn’t need a boy, Mum,” said Clara cheerfully, “and you were right! Come on, Josie!” and they ran upstairs, with Josie chanting, “Girl power!” gleefully.
“Stay for another tea?” asked Joanna, who couldn’t help laughing, and Bridget happily accepted and, as she finally walked back with a sleepy Louise, she thought about how lucky she was to have her other family, who weren’t second at all, but equally as best.
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