In years to come

[sophie]

Sorry for the late update, have had exams but am now free!

Sunday 2nd May 2004

Today was horrible, well, more than horrible. John was a jerk so I was a jerk back and now I feel guilty but he owes me an apology too....
Well, I went to the tree but he didn't even seem happy to see me even though I said, "Hello!" really brightly. He just frowned like I told him school was starting early.
He was sitting with his feet in the river sharperning a stick with a penknife so he wasn't even looking at me properly. I got and sat on the branch.
"Do you have to sit like that?" he said irritably. "It feels weird with you sitting over my head."
"Sorry." I got off the branch and sat by him. He didn't even look at me.
"How was your day?" I sounded like Mum when I get in from school.
"Huh!" he just said, or rather grunted.
"My day hasn't been very exciting."
"It's only the morning," he snapped.
"What's wrong with you?!" I shouted and jumped up. He looked at me then.
"What the hell are you so angry with me about?"
"Why do you have to nag me for?" he shouted for. "Nag, nag, nag, you're such a girl. You're ruined my holiday."
"You ruined mine! I used to climb that tree every day and no one nagged me about how dangerous it was! Like a boring boy!"
His eyes flashed.
"I don't care if you climb the tree."
"Fine."
I stared at him for a minute and then started climbing up. I was so angry I didn't think about it at all but that doesn't matter because my feet know where to go, just like a possum. I got to the top in no time and looked scornfully down at him and then didn't feel triumphant at all because his face was paper-white.
"Get down," he whispered. "Please."
I got down as quickly as I could, trying to ignore that horrible, cold, guilty feeling.
"I didn't mean to scare you, I'm so-"
"I WASN'T SCARED!" he bellowed.
"I don't care if you are!"
"I WASN'T!"
"GOOD!" I shouted back.
"Go away!" he yelled.
"I was going anyway!"
I marched straight home and slammed myself in my room. Mum and Dad were out the back.
He started it. He shouted at me. He was horrible. So why am I the one feeling so guilty?

Didge, xxxx

Monday 3rd May 2004

I had to go to the river today. If he wasn't there, I needed thinking space, and if he was well, maybe we could make up somehow.
He was.
I'm not very good at apologies. Mum says I have too much pride but she has just as much as me. A woman whose daughter went to our school didn't know I was adopted and told Mum I got it from her and Mum's face froze for a moment. The woman was really sorry about it but Mum said not to worry. But anyway, I hate saying sorry, I'm bad at it and I'm scared they'll never forgive me. When I was eight I took the laces out of Riley's trainers before a match and it took him, Mum and Dad so long to find them he couldn't play. They were all so mad at me and the more Mum told me to say sorry the more I didn't want to and Riley said he'd wished I'd never been born. Then that night he came into my room and said he was sorry and I said I was too and it was okay until the next blowup we had over something stupid. I always feel terrible until I get an apology out of the way but it doesn't make it easier...anyway, the story's getting off the point.
He gave me sort of a smile.
"I'm sorry," we both said together and then we laughed.
"I'm sorry," I said before he could say anything else. "I'm sorry I climbed the tree when you don't like it."
"I was a jerk," he said sheepishly. "I asked you to climb it, it's not your fault."
"Friends?"
"Friends."
It was fine after that. He wouldn't tell me why he was so angry yesterday.

Love, Didge xxx

Bridget not being able to say sorry to Riley reminded India of the time she was in first grade and had tried to paint Lily's picture of a pink fairy-tale castle blue, just to see if went purple, like Daddy had told her it would. It should have worked - he said red and blue made purple and pink was nearly red. But it didn't work. The painting was ruined and Lily cried and the teacher had told her she was a nasty girl for doing that and India had pressed her lips together and wouldn't tell anyone why she had done it, even in the principal's office. Finally that night Dad had asked her for the millionth time,
"Indy, why did you do that to Lily's painting?"
"I just wanted to make it purple," she'd mumbled. "I thought a purple castle would be cool and Lily would like it."
"Why didn't you tell me earlier?"
She didn't know and had instead buried her head into her Dad's shoulder and cried that Lily and everyone hated her even though Dad had told her they didn't. It was true, after she had got her apology out of the way and told everyone why she had done it it had all felt better. Lily wasn't angry anymore.
"What a silly mixup," the teacher had said. "You shouldn't touch other people's paintings, India, but you didn't mean to be horrible. Why didn't you tell us?"
But she didn't know and the problem of explaining why she made mistakes and found apologising hard hadn't gone away over the subsequent six years of her life. Everyone said it was good to be stubborn but sometimes she wished she could turn it off and she knew Mum had felt that too.

[Bee]

sophie i looove it!! i cant wait for more!!

[sophie]

India and Declan were in the front room. India was absentmindedly picking at her sunburn without realising that she was doing it and gazing out of the window.
"Indy, don't do that!" Declan said sharply and she looked down in surprise.
"I didn't even know I was doing it!"
"I hope you do next time and stop - that's terrible for your skin. I've told you to be careful in the sun!"
"I didn't mean to," India complained. "I lathered myself in suncream - you know I did - I can't help being pale as a ghost!"
"Then you should wear longer sleeves!"
"I'm not going out in a jumper and pants in this heat!"
"I just want you to be careful!"
"I am! I'm trying!"
The conversation died down and India stared out of the window once more, but she didn't pick at her sunburn.
"Do you think Marie will have the baby soon? When we're here?" India asked suddenly. "She's nearly nine months."
"I don't know, Indy. All babies are different. She might do, but she could be late."
"I hope she isn't."
"So do I. For one thing it must be horrible being pregnant in this weather!"
"How late do you think she could be?"
"I didn't say she would! Some babies can be a week over their due date. But you never know, she could be early. You were. You chose a wonderful time to be born!"
"It was a music festival," India said mischievously. "I obviously wanted to take part in the fun. When can I go to a music festival, Dad?"
"When you're eighteen," he said automatically.
"That's not fair!" she cried.
"I was eighteen!"
"Mum was seventeen!"
"We'll talk about it nearer the time," Declan said, trying to steer the conversation away from argument territory. "You're certainly not going to one anytime soon."
India pouted.
"Don't make that face. And anyway, you came into the world at one."
"That doesn't count, I can't remember it."
He remembered it. How it had been terrifying and wonderful all at once and how Bridget had clung on to him for dear life and then the incredible moment where she had been born and he'd seen she was a she, the best moment of his life, his daughter being born, and then how he had comforted Bridget and somehow she had never been more beautiful to him - she'd been so strong and so brave. And then that awful moment where India who hadn't even had a real name, still Tadpole - had had to be rushed to hospital and he was barely breathing himself.
"It's still quite a story, Miss. I'd be proud of it. More exciting than being born in hospital!"
"I suppose." India pondered, "I wonder what the baby'll look like?"
"Very beautiful I'm sure."
"Babies look red."
"You were a beautiful baby!"
"I wasn't!"
"Yes, you were, even when you screamed! Wasn't she, Miranda?" Declan turned to his mother-in-law as she came in.
"Oh, you were gorgeous. A perfect baby! And I can't wait for my next beautiful granddaughter to arrive!"
"You're all getting soppy!" India complained and she left the room with both of them laughing fondly at her, but she couldn't help wondering what Mum had looked like as a baby and if she had looked any different from her. She didn't know, none of them ever could, and it was sad.

Tuesday 4th May 2004

John and I looked for the platypus today and he didn't push me in the mud. We didn't see it but after giving up we paddled for a bit and that was fun. I don't think you're ever too old to paddle. If I ever have kids I'll paddle with them.
Mum was talking to Dad about packing. It feels like the bottom's fallen from my stomach. We just can't go home!

Worried, Didge xxx

[suse]

Fantastic updates Sophie ;D.

Still adoring Didge's diary updates!!!!

[Bee]

Sophie i love it! best way to cheer me up after doing 5 hours of english homework..

[sophie]

aw thanks guys!

[rebeccag]

hehe liked the bit where india said could she go to a music festival because she was born at one
Good update sophie ^_^

[sophie]

Wednesday 5th May 2004

I was so miserable earlier. Mum was making lists of things we need to pack - I just bung everything I have in a suitcase - and I blurted out, "Mum, do we have to go home?"
She stopped what she was doing and came over.
"Bridget! Of course have to go home!"
"Why?" I wailed.
"Why?!" she asked, flabbergasted. "You know we have to go home. We live in Sydney. You have school and your dad and I have work."
"Can't we move here?"
"No, we can't. Why are you so desperate to stay, Bridget?"
"I just like it it here so much," I said lamely.
She looked confused.
"Can't we stay just another week?"
"No, darling, we can't. I wish we could as well but you have school and I have work."
"Stuff school and work!"
"Bridget! Watch your mouth!"
I must have looked pretty merose because her face softened.
"We'll come back soon," she promised. "You know we will, we always do. You've never felt so strongly about this before."
"It's been different this year," I mumbled.
"Different how?"
"It just is."
"Darling." She studied my face and brushed my hair away. "Push your hair off your face, you beautiful girl."
"I'm not beautiful, Mum." I looked away.
She gave me a hug.
"Yes, you are. You're so beautiful I wouldn't know where to begin."

Didge xxx

Thursday 6th May 2004

I told John the terrible news later even though we both knew it was coming.
"We're going home tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?! Why didn't you tell me earlier?"
"I couldn't," I said in this weird voice that didn't sound like mine.
"But we're friends," he said helplessly.
"I tried to make us stay, but what can I do? I'm twelve. And we're here on holiday."
We were silent for a moment.
"I wish I was grown up," I said. "I wish I was grown up so I could do what I liked. Anything I liked. I'd move here and no one could boss me about."
"Me too. And we'd come here every day."
He reached into his pocket and brought out the penknife.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm going to put our initials on the tree."
"Put them on our branch."
So he carved: J + B.
"Why did you put B? You always call me Didge."
He shrugged. "It's your real name. It's not so bad."
"I guess not." Bridget isn't too terrible, I suppose.
"It's our tree," he said.
"Our tree," I echoed.
"Will you come back?"
"We always do. We're that family who comes a few times every year."
He had a piece and paper in his pocket as well which surprised me and scribbled something on it.
"That's my home number," he said.
"Do you have a mobile?"
"No."
I ripped the piece of paper down and put down a number.
"That's mine. My mobile."
"I'll call you."
"Is this goodbye?" I asked suddenly.
He looked hesitant.
"Meet me at midnight," he said.
"All right."
We shook hands.
"Deal."
I don't want midnight to come and I do at the same time.

Love, Didge xxx

India didn't want midnight to come either - not in her mother's diary as that was where the entries ended. She didn't want to finish the diary but she had to know what happened - not now though, she thought. She put the diary back under the floorboards.
She had to get out of the house but on the way she bumped into her grandmother.
"Where are you off to?"
"Just a bike ride."
Nan gently took her curls away from her face.
"Push the hair off your face, you beautiful girl. You're hiding your eyes and they're so lovely. Your mother's eyes. Bridget's."
She looked sad.
India felt embarrassed and thought she might cry. She sort of smiled at her, and then hurried to get her bike.
She pedalled quickly to the tree and flung the bike down with the wheels still spinning and then looked desperately at the branch. She let out of a cry of happiness: there they were! The initials.
She traced her fingers over them, not looking as though they had been carved so long ago. J + B.
She sat against the tree and thought she let her eyes close for a moment. Her eyelids drooped and the next thing she knew she was fast asleep.
"Where's India?" Declan asked, but he felt more annoyed than worried. "She's been gone for ages. It will be dinner soon."
"Have you tried ringing her?" Miranda asked. "She said she'd just be going for a bike ride."
"I have rung her, she didn't answer. I'll try it again," Declan said and he grabbed the phone and redialled it.
"Nothing!" he snapped. "I'm going to go and look for her in a minute."
"Dec, you know what kids are like," Steve said. "Don't worry, give it another half-hour or so. She's probably gone for a swim and has left her phone in her bag, or is climbing a tree or something."
"India hates heights!"
"I bet you anything she'll be through the door any minute. Just don't panic."
"I'll make us all a drink," Miranda said. "Come on, Steve."
They went into the kitchen and Decla paced wildly round the room. She'd been gone for ages...and there was something going on. He was positive of it.
He looked towards his daughter's room, Bridget's old room, and saw that the door was ajar. He bit his lip. Should he look round? For clues, if there were any?
He felt guilt pressing at him as he pushed the door open but he told himself that protection was more important than her privacy. If there wasn't anything....no harm done...if there was, then he could get started on helping her.
He looked under the bed: nothing. Under the mattress: nothing. On her bookshelf just her books, in her draweres only bits and bobs and in the wardrobe solely messily hung clothes. She could never be neat.
"DAD!" came a scandalised voice from the doorway.
"India!" he spun round and saw her standing there with a look of absolute fury on her face.
"Where have you been?" he asked, striding over to her.
"A bike ride!" she snapped. "I fell asleep!"
"You've been gone for hours! Why weren't you picking up your phone?"
"I told you, I fell asleep!" she shouted. "What are you doing in my room? Were you looking through my things?! You were, weren't you?! How DARE YOU!"
"Don't take that tone with me," Declan snapped. "I was worried about you, you haven't been yourself lately. I was looking to see if there was anything."
"Did you find anything?" India asked and immediately regretted it.
"No. What do you mean, did you find anything? Is there something to find?"
"NO!" she shouted. "Get out of my room!"
"Oi, don't you dare speak to me like that!"
"Don't go through my things then! They're private! I'm not a little girl, you can't go through my stuff!"
"India, I was just worried! I wasn't doing it to be horrible!"
"You were!"
"I'm not going to discuss this with you when you're in a mood like this," Declan told her. "Dinner's nearly ready, so calm down before then."
"I'm already calm!" she shouted, sounding the very opposite, and slammed the door in his face.

[Bee]

very nice Sophie (: i love this story again!

[suse]

Fantastic Sophie. Can't wait to see what happened at midnight ;D. And I still hope Dec finds this diary.

Love love love it!!!

[rebeccag]

great chapter sophie and im like suse i want to know what happened at midnight too

[kate]

Brilliant again Sophie. Yep I really want Declan to find the diary too, and see how he'd react. Not because of the Didge/John thing, just how sad it would make him. And on that point I actually love the John subplot too. It's very sweet.

...It's so sad but this makes me really really miss the Didge days. Ack, love it.

[sophie]

I'll have to write another Didge fic!
Thanks for all the lovely comments guys I'll try and have an update up tomorrow.
I'm glad you like the John subplot and aren't annoyed that Didge had a previous sort of love!

[sophie]

"India's back I see," Miranda announced as she laid the table. "Or rather I heard."
Declan winced. "Sorry about that Miranda."
He may be in his thirties but whenever he apologised to Miranda Declan felt like the teenager who had introduced Bridget to drag-racing all over again.
"Don't worry about it Declan - I remember the teenage dramas all too well!"
Declan sighed to himself. She wasn't even a teenager yet - not for another six months - and what would it be like then?
"I think we're about ready," Steve called from the kitchen.
Declan went to his daughter's room and knocked on the door.
"What?" came a disgruntled voice from inside.
"Dinner's ready," Declan told her.
"I'm surprised you knocked," India commented. "Seeing as you don't seem to have any respect for the rest of my privacy!"
Declan tried to ignore the anger that was bubbling up.
"I don't have time for this India. I've told you I'm sorry and why I did it already. We can talk about it more later, but right now it's dinner so lets just go and eat with Nan and Grandpa Steve."
He heard her mumble something under her breath and not wishing to hear another angry comment he told her, "I'll see you at the table."
She came over a short while later and flopped into a chair.
"Stop frowning!" Declan whispered to her and she scowled back, but stopped when Miranda spoke to her.
"Did you have a nice bike ride?"
"Mm."
"Where did you go?"
"Just to the river."
"Is that where you always go?" Declan asked her.
India felt like she was being got at from every direction.
She said, "Mm," again.
"Could you call me if you go on a bike ride again?" Declan asked her and she stared at him.
"Why? I told Nan. She told you."
"You didn't tell them where you were going."
"It was just a bike ride!"
"Where did you fall asleep?"
"By the river - leave me alone!" India had a bad feeling she was going to cry and stared at her plate.
"Okay, okay," Steve tried to break the tension. "Would anyone like any more potatoes?"
"Please, Steve." Declan held out his plate.
"India?"
"No thank you."
"Did I tell you two about the puppy I helped just before the holidays?" Steve asked. "He was a funny little fella, he chased his tail and used to bark along to theme tunes on TV..."
India and Declan had heard the story before but they let Steve tell it again.
"Didge always wanted a puppy," Steve finished. "When she was little she used to muck about pretending to be an animal and when she climbed trees she'd pretend to be a bird or a bat or something."
Like in Mum's diary!
Declan saw the change in her expression.
"Have you seen any trees Mum might have climbed, Indy?"
"No. Yes. No. I don't know. Please can I get down? I don't want any pudding."
"India!" exclaimed Declan.
"It's fine," said Miranda. "If you'd like anything later just give me a yell."
"Thanks, Nan," India said and she left the table and practically ran to her room.
"What was that about?" Declan asked in frustration. "I wasn't being mean to her, or nagging her!"
"She probably just felt overquestioned," Miranda reassured. "Now, who wants icecream?"
Later that night Declan knocked on her door again.
"Yes?"
"Goodnight, India."
"Night," she said huffily.
"You were a bit rude at the table earlier."
"No I wasn't!" she protested. "Nan wasn't annoyed and I said please!"
"Well I hope you're in a better mood tomorrow."
She looked away.
"Sleep well." He went and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek but she didn't give him one back.
"See you in the morning."
"Huh!"
Declan raised his eyebrows and shut the door.
India didn't want to read the last of the entries somehow - she'd been looking forward to it but she just wasn't in the right mood - she felt angry and out of sorts and imagine if Dad suddenly came back in. She checked that it was safe under the floorboards and then turned the light off and tried to sleep.
Declan dreamt of Bridget again.
She was smiling and waving to him again, shimmering, only there was a change this time - she was holding India and India was a baby once more.
"Didge!" he called.
"Oh, Dec," she said with joy. "Look at our baby, can you believe we made her?"
She looked down at India and then back at him.
"I can't believe it," he said, happiness radiating through him. "I can never believe it."
Bridget rocked India a little and she giggled and Bridget laughed back at her daughter and one tear ran down her cheek.
Suddenly the atmosphere changed and Bridget's expression turned to one of urgency.
"Take her," she demanded, giving India to Declan. "It's not her time."
"Bridget, what?" Declan looked down at his daughter and she looked helplessly back up.
"Didge?" He looked up and she had gone. "Didge!"
He looked down again and saw to his horror India had gone too.
"NO!" he shouted and tried to run, calling for his wife and daughter, his two girls.
"Bridget! India!" He continued to call their names and the world seemed to fade, becoming softer, till suddenly he realised he was in bed and was saying their names over and over.
Breathing frantically he leapt out of bed and ran to his little girl's room and saw in horror that the bed was empty.
"India!"
"Dad, what is it?"
He whirled round and saw his confused daughter standing there munching on some cereal.
"How many times have I told you to eat sitting down and not standing up?" he lectured in relief. He took hold of her arm to make sure she was really there and she drew it back irritably.
"What?"
"It's nothing, Indy, it's nothing."
"Good," she said and took her bowl to the sink. "I'm going for a bike ride."
"No, you're not. You're not going out today."
"WHAT?" India glared at him and put her hands on her hips, looking like Bridget did when she was particularly angry.
"I don't think you should go out today."
"Why?" she cried.
"I've just got a feeling you should stay inside."
"A feeling," she scoffed. "Look out of the window Dad. What do you see? A bright blue sky. It's not going to storm."
"Don't patronise me."
"You do it to me."
"No, I don't," he said angrily.
"You treat me like a child."
"You are a child!"
"You treat me more like a baby than a child!" she snapped. "This is so unfair - I'm being grounded for doing absolutely nothing wrong and what's fair about that?"
"I've decided you're having a day inside and that's that," Declan said firmly. "End of discussion."
She stared furiously at him, strode towards her room and slammed the door.
"What's all this?" asked Steve, coming out of the bathroom.
"She's angry with me - what else is new? I said she couldn't go out today."
"Why?"
"I've just got a feeling she shouldn't."
"Dec, I'm not criticising and you know how amazing a job I think you're doing bringing her up, but you know you can't smother kids. If you overprotect them they'll rebel harder."
"I know Steve....I can't explain it. I've just got a feeling that she shouldn't go out today. Just today."
"All right."
The morning wore on.
"I know I said you can't go out, India, but you're welcome to go on a walk with me," Declan said, looking round her door.
"Not knocking again!" India snapped. "I'd rather stay inside thanks."
That hurt. Steve clapped his hand on Declan's shoulder.
"Don't take it personally, she's just upset."
The day clouded over and the air was oppressive. India and Declan got headaches and their moods grew worse.
"I think it's going to storm," Miranda remarked, looking out of the window. "You would never have expected that this morning, would you?"
"A good thing you didn't go then isn't it, Indy?" said Declan.
"I would have come back if it started storming," India sulked. "I wouldn't get caught in it."
"I'm glad you didn't and don't have to worry about you getting back," Declan said.
"You're just glad you can watch everything I do," shot back India.
"Don't talk to your father like that!" Miranda said and India said,
"Sorry," in a small, guilty voice and slunk back to her room.
Declan stared at her. "Why does she listen to you and not me?"
"Ah, grandmothers have the power!"
India felt terrible. She'd been so mean and now Nan hated her too. The only thing that would make her feel any better was Mum's diary so she pulled it out, hugged it for a moment and turned to the last few pages. What she read shocked her.

[Bee]

sophie...amazing!!

cheered me up from the news today!

update soon! dont keep me hanging haha