In years to come

[sophie]

No a couple more chapters to go!

[suse]

Amazing, and this one bought a tear to my eye too.

I am so happy we have such brilliant fics on here. We can just keep living in a kaclan free world ;D.

[rebeccag]

I echo that as well suse that was great Sophie

[sophie]

Aw thanks guys!

[sophie]

Rebecca came round the evening after they had got back.
"I missed you!" she cried and gave them both big hugs and Declan a kiss.
"Aw, Mum!" he said and tried to push her off but India knew he didn't mind really.
"You're never too old for a kiss from your mum!"
She gave India a kiss as well.
"I missed you Grandma!" India said and she hadn't realised how much she had until just then.
"I missed you too Indy. It felt very empty without both of you! "And just look at your poor leg!" she exclaimed and looked down at it. "What were you doing climbing trees?"
"I dunno," India shrugged. "It was all for Mum."
"India," said Rebecca and gave her another hug.
"How are Miranda and Steve?" she asked, as they went into the kitchen.
"They're okay."
"Riley had his baby! I'm a cousin!"
"I know," said Rebecca, smiling, "your dad told me on the phone. And he sent me a picture. She's absolutely gorgeous, isn't she?"
"Really beautiful!"
"As were you!" said Rebecca. "And still are!"
"Aw, Grandma..." India looked down. She didn't think she was beautiful.
After dinner Rebecca and India sat in the sitting room as Declan made some drinks.
"Grandma," said India hesitantly, "I found Mum's diary."
Rebecca's face froze for a moment and then she said softly, "her diary?"
"From when she was twelve." India felt a lump forming in her throat. "All from one trip to Queensland. I wish I hadn't finished it. It felt like I was getting to know her, properly, I mean..."
Her lip trembled.
"Indy, sweetheart," Rebecca said, pulling her into a hug. "You know you can ask me anything about her...."
But it wasn't the same.
That night, however, was spent talking all about Bridget and all her stories - how she had managed to face down the entire footy team, jumped straight back into physio after her accident and had got a tattoo for Declan on his eighteenth birthday.
"I never knew that!" said Rebecca, astounded.
"I passed out when I tried," said Declan sheepishly and they all laughed.
"But you had better not ink up your skin young lady!" warned Declan. "Especially not for some bloke!"
India felt so sad when she went to bed. It had been wonderful having Grandma round and telling her all about the holiday but now everything just felt so empty again. Flat. She was back in dull, dull Victoria where nothing happened. She wasn't in her mother's old room anymore. Miserably she fell asleep.
"Come on Indy," said Declan as she got up the next morning. "It's still your holiday!"
"With nothing to do," she sighed.
"You can go and see Rachel or Hannah," said Declan enthusiastically. "You must be dying to see them."
"They've gone away this weekend."
"Well..." Declan racked his brains. "I've got something for you to do."
He got his wallet out.
"We need some food for tonight. Could you go to the shop and buy some potatoes and veg?"
"Couldn't we just have pizza?"
"No, it's a Napier special tonight," said Declan and India groaned.
"Go and buy yourself an icecream too," he said, pulling out a few more dollars.
"Thanks, Dad."
India wandered down to the shops, bought the food and towards the icecream parlour. She bought a cone and sat on a bench and licked it monotonously.
"Indy?"
She nearly dropped her cone.
"What do you want?"
It was Jamie Adler, could her day get any worse?
"I haven't seen you for weeks."
"I've been away."
"Oh."
"What do you want?" she asked again, considering shoving her icecream into his face.
"I wanted to say sorry," he said shyly. "Again. Sorry. I was a jerk."
"Yeah, you were," she agreed.
"You don't have to forgive me or anything," he said, "but I wanted to say sorry again."
She was silent for a moment.
"I don't want to go out with you again," India finally said. "But maybe we can be friends. Maybe."
"Okay," he said happily.
"Maybe. If you're a jerk again that's that."
"Okay."
They sat together for a while talking about their holiday.
"What happened to your leg?" he asked.
"I fell out of a tree."
"Ow."
"Yeah."
"I'm glad you're not hurt - well, apart from the leg."
"You can sign it if you want," said India, gesturing towards her cast and he pulled out a pen and wrote Jamie in small letters near the top.
"That's not very exciting!" she said, laughing.
"I didn't know what to put!"
He carried her bag home.
Declan couldn't believe his eyes. That mongrel worming his ways back into his daughter's good books? What right did he have to carry her bag?
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he snapped to him as India opened the door.
"Dad!"
Declan glared at the boy.
"Just carrying her bag," he mumbled and then ran off as fast as he could, after dropping it at their feet.
"What was that Indy?" Declan groaned as he took in the shopping. "I thought you were off boys!"
"We're just going to be friends!"
"Huh!"
"You're too strict Dad!"
"I don't know India. You know why I am don't you?"
"But I'm not you or Mum. Just...relax a bit, please?"
"We'll see."
"I'm going to go and read Mum's diary again," India announced, starting up the stairs.
"Did you know she had another?"
"What?"
India whirled round.

[Bee]

oooh thats great Sophie! is that the last one?

loved it anyway!!

[sophie]

No there's 2 chapters left

[sophie]

"Mum kept a diary?!" cried India. "When?!"
"When she was seventeen - well she started it when she was sixteen - it ended just before she turned eighteen..."
Declan could feel the terrible grief overcoming him again.
"So there's stuff about me in it," said India. "And stuff about you...and moving to Ramsay Street and everything that happened...oh Dad, how could you not tell me?"
"I was going to give it to you when you were sixteen."
"You should have given it to me," said India, feeling herself beginning to cry.
"I think I'm old enough."
He looked at her. His little girl. But she wasn't quite so little now. She had a lot of growing up to do but she was old enough for the diary. He would never admit it, but sometimes, he knew, he treated her younger than he should.
"Yes," agreed Declan. "You are."
He went to his room to where he kept it, in a drawer by his bed. It felt like she was still be his side that way and he felt thousands of emotions as he pulled it out.
"There you are darling," he said heavily. "Come and ask me anything about it when you're finished."
India took it and shut herself in her room. Two gifts from her mother - she was always surprising.
She took a deep breath and began to read.
Mum sounded like she had in the other diary, only older. India guessed that that should be an obvious thing but it was always seemed to her that people changed as they grew up and were practically different people by the end of it - whatever it was. She clenched her fists as she read about what she had known Chris Knight had done to her mother. Poor Mum - her blood boiled with rage. Poor Grandpa Steve. Poor everyone. And Dad had been there for her then too. She laughed as she read about how he vowed to break her out of prison, she knew that he would have, too.
Then it was all about how they had fallen in love. It was a little embarrassing reading about how they had kissed all night and how they had felt about each other - it was nice seeing how much they had loved each other but no one wants to think about their parents kissing each other! And then Mum was complaining all about Nan and Grandpa Steve trying to control her, just like she did about Dad! It was funny that they had been unsure about him at first, and Mum about Donna too. And then it was quite sad as there was all that trouble with Nicola, whom India had never met, and with Riley running away and Nan and Grandpa Steve nearly splitting up. Mum feeling confused about growing up, just like her. And...
"Oh God," said India in disgust as she saw that her mother had written about her and Dad's first time. Reading about kissing was one thing, sex was another! She flicked over the page.
A few entries later and there she was - well, sort of there. Mum was pregnant and poor Mum, she was terrified. And Dad had been horrible. Absolutely horrible. India sat there with her mouth open. He had always said he was 'a tool' but had never gone into detail - kissing another girl, running off - that wasn't her father, was it? He would never do those things. He'd vowed to rip any boy who did anything like that to India into shreds, but had never said what that was. India felt pretty upset and disappointed in him. How could he have done that to Mum?
She read on. Hopefully he would redeem himself to her, but she didn't really see how.
The next entry was a bit later. Mum had been bullied and India felt angry again. Some school that was! Then she had run away. Dad had only mentioned that a couple of times. India was happy she had come back.
Then there was the rafting trip where Uncle Zeke had gone missing and everyone had thought he had died. It had had a pretty bad effect on Auntie Rachel, but at least all that had a happy ending.
Mum wrote about her pregnancy, India starting to move and then how it had all got too much and planned for adoption. That was a bit hard to read but she felt like she understood more, from reading the diary why her mother had felt so alone in it all despite being supported. It must have been hard. Then she felt better and Dad wanted them to marry and Mum hadn't. India had never known that. She was surprised. She read her mothers reasons and knew what she meant, but Dad wasn't like that. He didn't think of Mum as any sort of doormat. But it was a big step.
Suddenly Dad had written an entry and she was surprised. Mum had fallen. She was okay, thank God, but India felt terribly sad as Dad wrote If anything happened to them .... anyway, that's not something I want to think about!
But Mum was right, knowing she was a girl! Dad hadn't just said that to make her feel good. She'd known the whole time.
And then they entries became very happy. Mum and Dad got married in their spontaneous wedding and she had been there too, kicking in congratulations. She wished she could remember it - impossible of course!
Then the Winter Cool Festival. Their 'last dance of freedom'....last chance of 'being reckless'. Mum sounded happy in these last entries but a little sad at the same time, knowing that she would have to be such an adult so soon. Not quite as soon as she had expected!
And then she, India, was born. India couldn't help crying a little as Mum said how much she loved her and was trying her best...it wasn't right she was gone. And then she sounded so excited about her Oakey...she was so sure she'd come back. Why did these things happen? Such empty-sounding questions. And then there was nothing.
She sat and stared at it. She was so lucky to have these diaries but still she wanted more...she wanted Bridget in full, not in diary-form.
"Dad!" shouted India when she finally came down. "How could you?"
"How could I what?"
"Be so terrible to Mum!" India stared at him angrily. "It was both your fault she was pregnant and then you were angry with her? How could you?! How could you do all that stuff?"
"I regret it every day," Declan said. "If I could go back in time I'd yell at my younger self and give him a punch. It was awful of me. You know I'd kill anyone who did that to you..."
"But you did it!"
"I know." Declan sat down and she stood staring at him furiously with her hands on her hips.
"I didn't think I was good enough to be a father. It was a massive shock. I'd just got onto AFL, I had your mum, it felt like everything was perfect -"
"And then me."
"You were a shock. I was only eighteen and your mum was even younger. We were still in school. When it all hit me I just didn't think I was good enough, not with Richard for my dad as well - I didn't know how to be a dad so I acted out. I never had any sort of father."
"But you are good enough," said India in surprise. "You've always made me eat me vegetables and do my work but you're not boring - you can have fun. You can muck about. And it's not your fault Richard's your dad - you can't help that and you're not him! You're always there for me."
"I knew that, but it was an insecurity I had for years," he said sadly. "Years. And apart from that it's been hard work, Indy. Hard work we should have done together," he added sadly. "And I knew that then. I knew a teenage pregnancy would make us grow up so fast and lose so much freedom. And that's a fact. It doesn't mean that I don't love you more than anything, or think that we made the best choice in the world, it's still a fact. And half the reason I get so nervous when you want to go out with boys is that I know that one day it could happen to you. A long way away but it still could."
"It won't!" said India angrily.
"It's easy to say that - we thought that - and I do trust you darling, with every bit of me, but I know how easy it is not to think and get carried away. And then the next thing you know, you're going to be a parent. And that is terrifying. And that is why I did what I did. It was the worst thing I ever did and I'm sorry every day. If your mother was here I'd apologise to her again now. I can never stop being sorry for it."
India believed him and they were quiet for a moment.
Then she looked at him and said in disgust,
"I can't believe she wrote about sex. I don't want to think about you and Mum doing that!"
He laughed and felt embarrassed.
"You know if we hadn't done that you wouldn't be here!"
She groaned and went red.
That night Declan had a dream. It was the Bridget dream again and she was there, only this time the barrier that separated them had dissolved and they were holding each other and kissing.
Finally they broke apart.
"Was it you?" asked Declan, "saving India when she fell?"
"You know it was," she replied.
"You're beautiful," Declan told her, as she glowed. "I miss you every day."
"And I miss you."
"I don't want to go back," said Declan desperately. "I want to stay here with you. I miss you too much. I miss you every single day."
"You have to go back. You have to go back for our daughter."
"She's growing up so fast," said Declan. "She'll be a teenager soon."
"You're doing such a wonderful job," Bridget told him. "She's a beautiful, strong girl, and she's going to become a strong, beautiful woman with your help."
"I don't know what I'm doing!"
"You do. You're the father I knew you could be and India knows it too. She needs you."
He sighed.
"Why do you always have to be right?"
She laughed.
"India needs her mother."
"She's okay," Bridget reassured him. "Our girl's okay. I watch out for her every day."
"Can't you come back?"
"You know I can't."
"It's not fair."
"Some day we'll be together again," Bridget promised.
"When?"
"I can't tell you that. It's not so long...well, it won't feel long to me and when we're together it will feel like no time passed at all. We'll have each other for eternity. Nothing will separate us."
"I love you Bridget."
"I love you too."
She kissed him again.
"It's not so long," she promised again. "I love you...."
Declan woke up with a smile on his face.

One chapter left!

[Bee]

that was great sophie!!

oh no only one chapter left!!

cant wait for it though!!

[suse]

Brilliant ;D. I am so glad you bought her adult diary into it. Perfect!

I can't believe there is only 1 more chapter. I don't want it to end .

[sophie]

Three days later India and Declan went to Bridget's grave. The sun was out and danced over the lettering on the stone, and the flowers seemed more bright that day, but they knew she wasn't really there. Declan had always known but he still felt sad when he went to her grave. How could he not? But he did know she wasn't there.
"I wish you weren't gone..." said India. She felt strange talking there sometimes.
"It's not fair that you're gone."
Declan put a comforting arm round his daughter.
"I met John" India hurried on. "You don't have to worry about him now. He's okay. Everything he wanted came true, he's happy. I hope you're happy where you are too..."
Declan put his hand on the stone.
"I know she is. I know you are," he said, but not the stone. He said it to the sky, the air and everywhere else. She didn't lie below.
"I miss you Mum," India said. "I miss you more than anything but I know you're okay and I'll see you some day. I know you saved me..."
India had never planned on asking it but something made her. Maybe it was the sky, the warm day, where they were, Indy's long longing, something else or it all combined but she suddenly found herself desperately asking,
"It wasn't my fault was it?"
Declan looked at her in concern.
"What wasn't?"
"Her death?"
Declan stared at her.
"No," he said softly and then more strongly, "No!"
"But she died protecting me. She had to feed me and look after me all in the bush and she got weak so she died. All because of me."
Declan gently took her shoulders.
"Darling, Mum died because she was very, very weak. She had internal bleeding and a blood clot. She probably would not have made it either way. I'm so proud of her because she looked after you even though she was so weak."
"Really?" India asked with a sob.
"It wasn't your fault," Declan said again, starting to cry. "It wasn't your fault."
They stood for a little while hugging and then knelt and placed a photo at her grave. It was of them all after the birth of Little Bridget in Oakey. They took photos and other things to the grave as Bridget had not loved flowers; she had loved life and laughter and happiness and love. Flowers adorned her grave not from them.
"Riley has a daughter now," India said. "But you know that, don't you?"
"Of course she does."
Declan looked at her stone.
"Never short of an opinion and nearly always right," he read. "That's Didge."
"Dad," said India, looking round, "Mum's not here, is she? Not at the grave."
"No." Declan took her hand. "She's with us, wherever we go."
They put their arms round each other, turned and went home. Bridget had gone and the pain was still there but they had each other. They had each other and that was the most important thing.

[jeffiner1892]

Aww, that was so sweet but so sad at the same time.

[Bee]

that was so good Sophie! ahh brilliant ending!

[suse]

Brilliant x 1000 .

Is that really the end.

I have loved this so much. Thanks for writing it Sophie and I think you really enjoyed it too.

[sophie]

That really was the end. I'm quite sad that's finished; I had a wonderful time writing it and was so nervous putting it up! Thanks everyone for your lovely, lovely comments! I do promise to write another future fic about Declan and Indy!