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Post by sophie on Feb 14, 2011 0:43:40 GMT
Thanks!
The rest of the week was rather tense. Declan tried to talk to India a few times, but she would always make an excuse of homework or going out, and finally he gave up, deciding that there was only so much he could do and that teenagers would be the death of him. On Saturday, when India was at work, Declan was cleaning the kitchen when there was a knock at the door.
"Mum!" he said in surprise. "What are you doing here? I thought you weren't coming over until tomorrow."
"Can't a mother drop by to see her son unannounced?" asked Rebecca, pretending to be vexed. "I thought you'd be happy to see me!"
"You know I'm happy to see you," said Declan, and he rolled up the cloth in his hand, not knowing what to do with it.
"What have you been doing?" asked Rebecca, noticing it. "Cleaning? There's a wonder!"
"Mum!"
"Well, you can't do any chores tomorrow," lectured Rebecca, coming through and putting the kettle on. "Not when it's my big boy's birthday!"
"Ah Mum, do you always have to say that?" groaned Declan. "I'm going to be thirty-six!"
"Well, I'm still coming over and making you breakfast," said Rebecca firmly. "You're never too old for me to spoil you."
"Yes, Mum," said Declan in a resigned voice, but he smiled. It was a rather tired smile, Rebecca noticed, and she frowned sympathetically.
"You've been fighting with Indy again?"
"How do you do that?" exclaimed Declan, sitting up as she poured out the tea and handed him his mug. "How? How do you always know what's going on? Do they give you an injection after you give birth or something so you always know what your kids are up to?"
Rebecca laughed.
"I wish. Really, I think I just know you very well."
"I wish it wasn't just a mum thing," grumbled Declan. "I don't think I can figure out half of what goes on in Indy's head these days."
"Well, she's growing up sweetheart. She's not your little girl anymore."
"She'll always be my little girl," said Declan with a sad smile and then he shook himself and said, "And the daggy award goes to Declan Napier."
"No, don't be silly, that's nice," scolded Rebecca. "You just love her very much."
"I guess."
"So," she said, coming and sitting down next to him. "What was the argument about this time?"
Declan shrugged.
"The usual sort of stuff," he said in a tired voice. "I was freaking out about her going too far with Elliot and you know why Mum, it's not just the pregnancy thing, what if she regrets it? And I know you said to talk to her but it felt like that wasn't going anywhere – whenever I tried it just seemed to blow back in my face so I thought I'd get Donna to talk to her because she always listens to Donna."
"Oh, Declan!"
"Why does everyone think it was such a bad plan?" demanded Declan. "I'm her dad, it would have been weird and we both know she wouldn't have listened. It should have been Bridget, it should be your mum, but Didge isn't here and Donna's her godmother and Indy loves her and she always listens to her, and I thought it would be better if it was from her than from me."
"And she guessed?"
"Yeah," said Declan miserably. "And now she's furious with me."
"She probably feels like you don't trust her," said Rebecca eventually, putting her hand on his knee. "And like she can't do anything without you keeping tabs on her."
"I don't want to know everything she's doing!" protested Declan hotly. "Trust me on that! What I want is to know that she's not going to do something she'll regret and that she won't be careful."
"Declan, I understand, believe me I do, and I know that's all because you love her, but no wonder India's insulted. It must seem to her like you think she's a silly girl who doesn't know her own mind or how to use contraception."
"That's not fair!" said Declan. "Heaps of girls get talked into stuff and they're not dumb, and Didge got pregnant and we always said we'd be careful, we just slipped up once and that's easy to do."
"I know," said Rebecca earnestly. "I understand completely where you're coming from, and I don't think girls who get talked into things are silly, or all girls who get pregnant don't know how to use contraception – believe me, I know that – but that's how it's coming across to her. She feels like she's been spied on and that you don't trust her."
"Well, what do I do?" asked Declan miserably. "I want us talking again by my birthday."
"You're just going to have to talk to her," said Rebecca. "India'll listen and she'll come round. I expect most of her anger's blown over by now anyway. What time does she finish work?"
"Half an hour," said Declan miserably. "So I get a whole ten hours more of tension when she gets in."
"Stop being so negative," said Rebecca sternly. "Sometimes it's like you're both teenagers! But you're not and she is, so you've just got to try again even if she is driving you up the wall or doesn't want to know. I've been there myself."
"I know," admitted Declan. "God, I'm sorry for back then Mum. I was such a nightmare."
"Yes, you were," said Rebecca truthfully. "But you also grew up to be the man I knew you'd be because underneath that horrible teenager was a very loving boy."
"Ah, Mum," said Declan, feeling happily embarrassed, even more so when Rebecca gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and picked up her bag.
"I'll see you tomorrow darling. And don't worry, it'll work out. Believe me, I know."
India packed her bag up and got ready to leave work, dragging her feet a little. Elliot was busy that weekend and so were her friends which meant that she had no choice but to go home, unless she wandered around for a while, and go in her room feeling awkward. India still felt annoyed with her father, and was still feeling too hurt to apologise for her own bad behaviour. India said it was hurt, but the honest part of her knew that there was a good deal of pride in there too – why do I have to apologise first, why does Dad have to embarrass me, why does he always have to be so paranoid? She was so busy mulling over these thoughts that she didn't notice where she was going so it gave her a shock when a voice suddenly said, "Indy!" and she looked up to see her grandmother.
"Grandma!" exclaimed India, going to give her a hug. "What are you doing here?"
"That's the second time I've been asked that today," said her grandmother with a smile. "Come on, let's go and get a drink."
Ten minutes later and the two sat at a corner table drinking milkshakes.
"Was work okay?" asked Rebecca and India shrugged.
"Same old."
"I dropped by your dad's earlier," said Rebecca, deciding that that was enough of the smalltalk. "He seemed pretty down that you were arguing."
India shrugged irritably.
"Look up," said Rebecca firmly. "I understand why you're upset but he's your father and it was just because he loves you. Would you rather he didn't care at all?"
"Of course I'm glad he cares," exclaimed India crossly. "What I'm not glad about is him being such a paranoid. He made Donna give me a talk!"
"He is your dad, Indy. Don't you think it would have been slightly weird if he'd had the talk with you?"
"Don't suggest that," groaned India, going crimson at the thought.
"You don't have a mum," said Rebecca gently. "Well – that was a stupid thing to say, you do, of course, but she's not here and it's more of a girl-to-girl thing. A mum-to-daughter thing and you're so close to Donna that I think your dad thought it was the next best option."
India was thoughtful for a moment before finally saying, "It's just that he thinks I need the talk. He doesn't trust me and it feels like I can't do anything without him breathing down my neck."
"I know that feeling," remarked Rebecca. "But India, you know it's not because he doesn't trust you."
"Feels that way," grumbled India into her drink and Rebecca sighed.
"India, you're his daughter. Not many fathers are going to be happy about boyfriends."
"He still thinks I'm a little girl!" exclaimed India, looking up again. "Someone needs to tell him I'm seventeen – I have, but he still acts like I'm four!"
"India, that's still because he's your dad," said Rebecca with a sad smile. "I know it's infuriating but to him you're still his little girl. Time goes by so fast when you get older – even to me it only feels like yesterday that you were being born and I know it feels even moreso to him that he was holding you for the very first time."
India didn't know what to say for a moment until she finally said, "But I'm not a little girl. He needs to accept it. I guess I can understand but I'm also seventeen and Dad always seems to forget that he was my age, nearly, that he was marrying Mum. And that Mum was my age exactly that they started going out."
"And that's exactly it, Indy. Do you think your mum and dad had an easy time of it, having you so young?"
"No, but I'm not them. I'm not going to start a family until I'm like, thirty."
"My," said Rebecca. "I thought that and your mother said the exact same thing just a month or so before she found out she was pregnant. And you can take it from both of us that finding out you're pregnant young is the most frightening thing in the world. Your dad was scared too and he wasn't even the one having the baby. He remembers all too well how hard it is, even if it is rewarding, and he just wants you to have a family when you're ready for it. And even if you don't go through it it's still very heartbreaking."
"But that's not going to happen," said India, after a pause. "It's like Dad thinks I don't know anything about protection and I do."
"He knows you do and I know you do, but mistakes can still happen. It can fail or you can slip up once, like your parents did and the next thing you know you're pregnant – India, you know we don't think of you as a mistake for a moment but it is so hard to go through that. I never want you to."
"I don't either," said India in a small voice. "But I would be careful and I know it can fail, but it's not that common if you're on the pill or something. I mean, I know people at school have been doing it and they're not pregnant. There's risks with everything and I don't want to miss out on stuff in case something happens."
"I know that," said Rebecca, taking her hand. "It's just always harder with your own child, especially if you're a young parent because you know how easy it is to make a mistake and it does happen, even if you are careful. And India, you know it's not just that that your father's worried about."
"He's so sure I'll get talked into it," said India angrily and Rebecca said, "Now come on, there's no need for that tone of voice. It happens to a lot of girls and they do regret it."
"But Elliot's really nice," said India defensively. "Only Dad won't give him a chance. He thinks that because he's older he's a perv."
"India! While I agree that being older doesn't make you automatically untrustworthy, you can see where your dad's coming from again. There are a lot of older guys out there who are like that and your mother had personal experience."
"He's not Chris Knight," protested India.
"I know, but he's your father and you're his daughter. Like I said before, it doesn't feel long ago to him."
India drank some of her milkshake before finally asking in a hushed voice, "What happened? I mean – I know what happened basically, but Dad's never told me the whole story."
"Oh darling," said Rebecca in a sad voice. "It was so terrible. Your poor mum. Chris was on your grandpa's footy team, and he liked your mother, and then his dog, I think, had to be brought in to the vet's and he took the chance to get to know your mum and they ended up going to the formal."
Rebecca paused to drink some of her own milkshake, but didn't need to think back hard. It was as clear as though it had only happened the other day.
"And he showed up after your mother went alone – he made some excuse for being late and he bought her a necklace and they kissed on the dancefloor and your grandpa and nan were chaperoning. Well, you can imagine your Grandpa Steve's reaction. He and Bridget – your mum – ended up shouting at each other and Chris and your mother went to a hotel room."
India listened, fascinated, but felt awful at the same time. She guessed what was coming.
"He tried to force her to sleep with him. I wasn't there, obviously, so I don't know exactly what was said and exactly what happened, but when your Grandpa Steve, father and Ringo got to the room they had gone but the room was a tip. Your mother came home late looking a state and Chris was found dead. Again, I wasn't there, but I know what a terrible time it was for your mum and Grandpa Steve and Nan. Grandpa Steve pleaded guilty and even went to jail for a little while, but then your mother confessed that she had pushed him away when running from him and he had fallen and hit his head without her knowing. So even though your grandpa was released and your mum had acted only in self-defence it was an awful time and Bridget didn't talk about it for a long time. Your father was so angry he slashed all of Chris's tyres – they interviewed him because they thought he was a suspect."
India felt shell-shocked and was only able to mumble, "Poor Mum. Poor Dad, too, and Grandpa Steve."
"It was a long time ago," continued Rebecca. "But it was awful and you know that awful things like that happen today and that there are men like that out there who will force it."
Rebecca spoke sadly and angrily and India silently squeezed her hands, knowing that she had been a victim of rape too. Her grandmother managed to smile but some tears fell.
"Oh, look at me. India, darling, I don't believe Elliot is a Chris Knight or any other evil man who forces sex on women, and I don't think your dad does either, in his heart of hearts, but surely you can understand why it's bothering him? And I know I'm sounding like an old fogey, but you don't have to hurry into things, even if you think you feel ready. You're so young – I know you won't like me saying that – but you are and you have so much time for all of this, it's not a race."
"I know," mumbled India. "And I get why it's upsetting Dad, I just wish he would trust me more."
Rebecca took her hands again.
"I'm not trying to make you feel guilty for the way you feel," she said gently but firmly. "Or make you feel like there's something wrong with it. There isn't. I think it's great. But I also want you to enjoy being young, and not rush into things, and I have two beautiful boys but I regret so much, and as much as he loves you, with all his heart, I know your dad feels the same, and your mum would too. It's not that he doesn't trust you."
"I know that too," mumbled India and she looked at her drink again.
"So just don't race into things," Rebecca continued. "And don't do anything because you feel pressured – and that's not specifically by Elliot. It's not something you have to do, it's not everything in a relationship and you shouldn't do anything unless it feels right. It's not the end of the world if you do do something and regret it, but it's not a pleasant thing and I would hate for you to wish things were different."
India looked at her for a moment and started to ask, "Did Dad -?" but Rebecca softly cut her off with, "He doesn't even know I'm here."
"I guess I see why Dad feels like he does," sniffled India, "but half the time it feels like I'm under surveillance and if Dad does see us kissing he just blows a fuse and then I just feel so frustrated. It's fine to say that it's because I'm his daughter, but he's acting like I'm committing a crime or something by kissing my boyfriend."
"Your dad always did have too short a temper," admitted Rebecca. "And I know he does overreact, but he did apologise, India, and I do think he's working on it. I think you need to go home and talk to him."
"I will."
"And you know, Indy," said Rebecca gently, "you can always talk to me about it. About anything. I know I'm your grandma but I remember being young and how confusing it is, and you can ask me anything at all, no matter how embarrassing or shocking."
"You're a pretty cool grandma," said India with a laugh. "You're not the type who gets shocked if a couple are in bed on TV."
"No, I'm not," agreed Rebecca with a chuckle. "It takes a lot to faze me. Darling, I'm not a prude and if you did sleep with him I wouldn't think less of you for a moment, just as long as it's on your terms and no one else's."
"I know," agreed India and then she leant over and hugged Rebecca, to her surprise. "Thanks Grandma. I love you. You're the best."
"And you're the best too, darling."
India walked home, feeling thoughtful. Many people would think it odd to talk about such things with your grandma and if it was any other grandma she would be inclined to agree – India couldn't imagine discussing anything like that with Nan for a moment and her cheeks went red just thinking about it. The situation would have weird written all over it, but it didn't with Rebecca. She always knew what to say and you could always come to her. India was lucky for her and lucky for her father too, she admitted to herself. She always knew that but hadn't felt it lately and even if he was too much of an overprotective dad she knew that her grandmother was right, and that it was all for love of her and she went in feeling guilty.
Declan was finishing cleaning the top of the stove when he heard the door. He was about to call out to his daughter, but already felt disheartened as he imagined the stony silence in return and as he sighed a pair of arms suddenly hugged him around his back making him jump.
"India!" he gasped. "Let me breathe!"
"I'm sorry," mumbled India, still not letting him go.
"It's okay. I take it I'm forgiven?" Declan managed to ask and as he felt his daughter's nod and not wishing to cause another argument, as they had just made up, he bit back his next thought: miraclesreally do happen!
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Post by Bee on Feb 14, 2011 6:19:18 GMT
Good update Sophie (: cant wait for more!
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Post by sophie on Feb 16, 2011 20:55:25 GMT
Thanks!
Declan woke up but did not get up straightaway, instead he lay in bed for a moment. His eyes adjusted to the light and a glance at the clock showed it was half past nine and the noise and bustle he could hear from the kitchen hinted that India was awake and that someone else was there. Declan frowned for a moment and then realised something else: it was his birthday and he was thirty-six. How had that happened? Declan got up with a groan.
“There’s my birthday boy!” beamed Rebecca as her son shuffled out of the bedroom and went to the fridge to get some orange juice. “No, sit down, it’s all laid out ready.”
“You didn’t have to do a breakfast.”
“Yes I did,” said Rebecca firmly. “That’s our tradition. Sit down. Now!”
Declan meekly obeyed and, ignoring his daughter’s laughter, poured himself a glass of orange juice from the jug.
“So how does it feel to be thirty-six?” asked India cheekily and Declan replied, “Old,” in a tired voice and then, “Ow!” as Rebecca suddenly swatted him with the newspaper. “What was that for?”
“Just watch who you’re calling old,” his mother warned him. “I’m the one on the wrong side of sixty!”
“Still,” winced Declan. “Don’t hit me, it’s my birthday!”
“Speaking of,” said India, getting out wrapped present. “Happy Birthday Dad!”
Declan reached over and took the present from his daughter, unwrapping it to find a DVD he had wanted and a book titled Rules on How Not to be a Daggy Dad.
“The book’s a joke,” said India, as he turned it over and he grinned and said, “I bet. Thanks darling,” and he leant over to give his daughter a hug.
“This is from me,” said Rebecca, handing over an envelope and Declan frowned, wondering if his mother had just given him money – she had never done so before. Still, he opened the envelope and then his mouth fell open.
“Two tickets to the Rangers game next month! No way! Mum, it’s amazing!”
“I’m glad you like it,” Rebecca laughed and Declan turned them over, as though to check that they were real and exclaimed, “Are you kidding? But Mum, isn’t it too much?”
“None of that,” scolded Rebecca, swatting him with the paper again. “It’s my boy’s birthday and I’ll spoil you if I want to, it’s not every day you turn thirty-six.”
“Thanks, Mum,” beamed Declan, not knowing what else to say. “You’re amazing,” and Declan thought that he wished he was turning eighteen again, instead of thirty-six, but kept his mouth shut as he didn’t wish to be hit by the paper again.
“You’re very welcome. Happy Birthday!” his mother said, and she suddenly flourished a small fairy cake with a candle in and Declan laughed.
“It’s not your actual cake,” Rebecca added hastily. “Just a breakfast one. Now come on, make a wish!” and she and India sang as Declan blew out the one candle.
“What did you wish for?” India asked and Declan tapped his nose.
“It won’t come true if I tell you!”
“You’re breaking the rules already!” groaned India, picking up the book she had bought him and Declan laughed and stuck his tongue out at her.
After he, his mother and daughter had finished eating breakfast and cleared away Declan couldn’t help feeling a little flat. He never liked doing much for his birthday and after Rebecca had gone to work - she had to do an extra shift that week - and India had gone into her room Declan felt a little lonely as he sat on the sofa in the front room. The one person he really wanted to celebrate with couldn’t be there and she never could be and though he knew it was stupid, and impossible, Declan couldn’t help wishing that she would surprise him again, like she had for his nineteenth birthday and somehow get him a gift. He knew it couldn’t happen and he never told anyone but he still had that childish hope every year and he sighed, remembering the diary she had given him, which he still had, filled with doctor’s appointments and childcare times for Indy as well as schoolwork, and the year before that, before Indy even existed, where she had gone and got that tattoo and Declan couldn’t help a smile spreading across his face.
“What are you thinking about?” India asked, suddenly appearing next to him and sitting down.
“What? Oh, nothing,” said Declan, blinking and shaking his head and then he did a double-take as he noticed his daughter and suddenly, sharply said, “Promise me you will never, ever, under any circumstance get a tattoo of Elliot’s name.” “Why?” asked India in surprise and Declan repeated, “Promise me!” sharply.
“Fine, I promise,” said India defensively. “Jeez. Why – oh,” she said, rolling her eyes. “You’re remembering that tattoo Mum had. Hey Dad, if it was okay that she did it why can’t I?”
“Because that was different!”
“How?”
“Because...because...because we loved each other,” said Declan rather weakly and India said, “So if I fall in love with Elliot then can I do it?”
“No!” exclaimed Declan in horror. “Look, it was a stupid thing for us to do anyway but it would be even more stupid if you inked your skin up for some bloke and I swear, if you do, you are putting all your wages towards a laser removal!”
“That’s a shame,” said India, her eyes twinkling. “Because I was going to get Elliot written in big, loopy black letters with hearts and stars all in a circle around it. Oh Dad, I’m joking, for pete’s sake!”
“That’s not funny,” said Declan weakly. “Don’t ever joke about that again.”
“Fine,” said India, rolling her eyes again. “But I still think it was funny and I reckon Mum would too.”
“Mum would be backing me up,” retorted Declan. “Right. I’m getting dressed. Do you want to go for a coffee or something before everyone gets here?”
“Sure,” said India. “Maybe it will calm your nerves!”
“Never get a tattoo and I’ll buy you a hundred coffees,” said Declan rashly and India grinned and said, “I’ll hold you to that!”
Half an hour later and father and daughter walked down to the cafe. It was a sunny Sunday morning and families were out walking, their children playing in the playground and there just groups of all sorts of people sitting and enjoying the Sunday in the cafe and in the park. As it was such a beautiful day, Declan and India took their drinks outside.
“Cheer up Dad,” said India as they sat on a bench. “You’re not that old. Older than me, but not that old.”
“Oh, thank you Indy. So basically I’m pretty old but not old compared to eighty-year-olds?”
“You’re not old next to other dads. Lydia’s dad is fifty.”
“Yeah, well,” grimaced Declan. “I guess I did have you pretty young. I’ve always thought of myself as being pretty young and now I’m closer to forty than thirty, that doesn’t feel possible.”
“You’re young enough to have another kid,” said India and Declan uttered a hollow laugh.
“Well, for one thing I’d have to find someone to have a baby with and for another I don’t think I could ever face having a baby again. You wore me out.”
“Was I that bad?” asked India with a grin and Declan groaned, “Worse. God, I feel tired just thinking about it. You have it all to come.”
“Yeah, well, I think I’m going to wait until I’m thirty-six,” said India, looking down at her coffee and Declan replied, still with his eyes shut, “That’s fine by me.”
They sat in silence for a while, Declan still with his eyes shut and India watching the children playing, forgetting about her coffee when Declan suddenly opened his eyes and said anxiously, “I didn’t upset you, did I?”
“What?” asked India, sitting up in surprise. “No, why?”
“You went so quiet I thought maybe I upset you when I said you were a hard baby.”
“Oh...no, of course not.”
“Well, good,” said Declan putting his arm around her. “Because you know you were very much worth it and even though you were such a nightmare I actually miss you being a baby, believe it or not.”
“That’s just a dad thing,” sighed India. “I don’t think it could have been that great though with me screeching all night.”
“You didn’t mention the nappies,” said Declan wryly. “And the baby sick and the dribbling and the screeching all day as well as all night...”
“Okay, I get it.”
“But you were pretty cute,” said Declan with a grin. “Despite all that,” and as he looked at the babies being fed and played with by their mothers and fathers he couldn’t help thinking about what would have happened if Bridget had lived...would they have ever had more children? Not for a long time if so...Declan went into a day dream. It would have been when Indy was a lot older, when Didge had finished her medical training and was working as a doctor, and maybe Indy would have been a little jealous at first, he thought, but a good sister when she got used to it. Maybe they would have had a boy this time and their family would be balanced, or another girl. That would have been fine too. It would still be their child, after all, though Declan couldn’t help thinking it would be daunting being the only male in a house full of women, especially ones as headstrong as Didge and Indy.
“Dad. Dad!”
“Huh?” asked Declan, snapped back into reality for the second time that day.
“You were in your own world there.”
“I wasn’t.”
“Yeah you were, you haven’t even drunk your coffee and I bought that for you as a birthday treat! What were you thinking about?” asked India curiously and Declan shrugged heavily.
“Nothing. I don’t really remember.”
“You were thinking about another baby with Mum,” said India truthfully and Declan looked at her, surprised, wondering how she had the same knack Rebecca did. Maybe it was a female thing rather than just a mum thing but his daughter added, “You were looking at all the babies. You can deny it all you want, you were being clucky.”
“I don’t know, Indy,” said Declan, drinking some of his forgotten coffee and then wincing as he found it had gone cold. “Like I said, it’s all very well to think of a sweet little baby wrapped up in a blanket but it’s a different matter when you’re up all night and can’t get them to stop crying, or when they’re toddlers and throwing a tantrum because you won’t buy them lollies.”
“But I was angelic, right?” teased India and Declan retorted, “You wish!” and neither added that he wouldn’t want a baby with any other woman than Bridget. They sat on the bench for a little while longer, enjoying the warmth, but then the sun went in and it began to cloud over and rain and so they got up to go, India looking at the babies and couldn’t imagine ever being one of the women owning one.
Declan’s birthday plans were nothing too big, just a barbeque, music and mates, which were all he wanted and needed. As he and India waited for the rain to cease they tided the house and began preparing snacks, most of which Declan had bought the day before whilst India was at work, though Declan realised he had forgotten Tim-Tams and India ran back in the rain to buy them.
“Typical!” she exclaimed angrily, coming in with a bag and raindrops making a puddle on the floor. “The rain stopped as soon as I got to the door!”
“That’s sod’s law,” grinned Declan and India snarled, “You wouldn’t be laughing if you ran there in the rain and back!”
“Okay, dearest daughter, I apologise for the cruel Victorian weather, is that better? Now please go and change, we have guests coming in an hour and you’re making a flood!”
India sighed, thrust the bag at her father and ran upstairs, making it seem as almost as though it were raining again as raindrops flew everywhere but then everyone began to arrive, Rebecca too, as she had finished work and everyone settled down to the barbeque.
“Happy Birthday mate!” grinned Zeke, holding out a bag. “This is from me and Jess and the boys!”
“Thanks, guys,” said Declan, delving into it and grinning when he retrieved a digital camera (his old one had broke). “It’s awesome!”
When Declan had finished admiring their gift Donna stuck her hand out with a snazzily-wrapped gift.
“This is from me and Rach. Happy Birthday!” she sang and Declan took it and unwrapped it gingerly.
“Shower stuff,” he said, looking at the set inside. “Thanks, Donna. Is this your and Rachel’s way of telling me I smell?”
“Hey, I brought that stuff all the way across the world for you,” said Donna crossly. “So you could smell like a British guy after a shower. And there’s chocolate too, do you know how hard it was not to eat that?”
“I love, it thank you,” laughed Declan but then suddenly everyone began to sing and he looked up to see his mother and daughter holding a large birthday cake illuminating their faces from the flames of the candles.
“Here’s your real cake, darling,” said Rebecca and as everyone cheered as he blew out of the flames, Declan couldn’t help but wish only for Didge, the only thing he couldn’t have.
As everyone helped themselves to food (the cake was being saved for later) India suddenly felt aware of someone next to her and she looked over to see that it was Theo again.
“Hey,” she said fondly. “Are you still hungry? You can help yourself to anything from the barbeque, or to the chips, you don’t have to ask.”
Theo silently shook his head. He’d been so quiet lately – India credited it to starting puberty or something as he had always been loud before that.
“Your brothers are over there,” she said, nodding towards Alex and Isaac, who were throwing a ball back and forth and shouting with laughter. “If you’re bored.”
“I don’t want to play with them,” Theo said suddenly and India was surprised, but was wise enough not to add he talks!
“Driving you mad, huh?” she asked and he nodded. “My friend complains about her little brother all the time.”
“Do you really have a boyfriend?” Theo asked, out of the blue and India, a little surprised, replied, “Yep. Hey, who’s that lucky girl I’ve heard about?”
Theo suddenly wordlessly got up and went to get some more food and India suddenly felt ashamed. She shouldn’t have put him on the spot like that and hoped she hadn’t upset him but he seemed okay, though he sat by Jess for the rest of the night.
“Hello – can I have everyone’s attention, please?” called Rebecca, tapping her fork against her wine glass. “Toast!”
Gradually the chatter ceased and everyone looked up to Rebecca, who was grinning.
“Can I have Declan and India up here, please?” she asked and both her son and granddaughter groaned so she added, “Now, don’t be shy you two!” and so India finally scrambled to her feet and practically forced her father to follow her.
“That’s it,” beamed Rebecca and she put an arm around each. “Now, it’s somehow my baby boy’s thirty-sixth birthday.”
“Mum,” hissed Declan as everyone gave an appreciative ahhh but she ignored him and continued, “And it hasn’t been an easy road for either of us, over the years, or over his birthdays – on his first birthday he had a temperature all day and was fine the day after, on his third birthday he shoved a boy into his birthday cake and on his eighteenth birthday, well – some of the supposedly mature adults here will remember that all too well!”
There were nervous giggles from Zeke and Donna and Rebecca smiled and continued, “And on his nineteenth birthday we had this gorgeous young lady with us and now I can’t imagine life without her and I don’t want to.”
“Grandma,” mumbled India, going red as everyone smiled but Rebecca simply squeezed both of them and added, “And even though this lovely young woman is now seventeen I still think she’s a baby and even though this handsome man is thirty-six today, I still think it’s a mistake, because I know it was only yesterday that I was in a hospital bed and saying hello to him for the very first time. Only it wasn’t, really, because I’ve always known him, and her too, before they were born, and I just think it’s crazy. Okay, I think I’ve bored you long enough so I’ll wrap it up: Happy Birthday to my gorgeous son, Declan, and I’ll raise my glass to Indy too. To Declan and India!”
“Declan and India!” everyone echoed, and raised their glasses and Rebecca kissed her son and granddaughter on the cheek, Declan mumbled, “I might be thirty-six but you can embarrass me as well as ever,” and Rebecca laughed and gave him another kiss, before they went to cut the cake.
The evening went quickly by and soon all the guests were leaving. Rebecca helped to tidy up before she went home too and India finished stacking the dishwasher before turning to her father and saying, “I’m going to bed. Happy Birthday, Dad.”
“Thanks, sweetheart. Thanks for a great day,” and his daughter smiled, hugged him and went to her room.
Declan sighed, surveying the empty house. It felt strange now that everyone had gone and he went to his room, slid open his bedside drawer and found the diary.
For the brainiest, bestest husband in the world Year 12 will be a walk in the park! Love, Didge x
“I wish it had been,” mumbled Declan, but he smiled, traced her writing with his fingers and flicked through the book, reading about things he had long forgotten and things he remembered too well: 12:00 Indy, doctor’s, jabs
India had screamed so loudly that they had got looks when they had left the surgery, he remembered with an awkward smile and he replaced the book and found himself digging out the video of his eighteenth birthday party where they had all dressed up, before it had become chaotic and Rebecca had gone off her head. Bridget looked so amazing. It felt so crazy to know that India wasn’t a part of their lives, that they didn’t even know she was coming. On the one hand it felt very long ago and on the other it felt like yesterday. But it had been...Declan’s stomach gave a funny jolt. Eighteen years ago since his eighteenth birthday.
Declan ejected the disc and went and stood outside for a moment before turning in for the night.
“Thirty-six,” he said to the sky. “I’m getting old, Didge.”
Declan went back in and before he closed his eyes he glanced at Bridget’s photo on their wedding day and then she crept into his dream, laughing and running away, just out of sight, eternally seventeen.
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Post by Bee on Feb 17, 2011 5:36:42 GMT
very nice update Sophie! so sad about Bridget..
cant wait for more
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Post by sophie on Feb 17, 2011 22:21:55 GMT
Thanks!
"You're going to his house?" squeaked Lydia on Monday morning. India had just told her her plans to go to Elliot's house on Saturday to meet his family.
"Yeah, to meet his family," said India, biting her lip. "I'm a bit nervous."
"It'll be fine. Do you know what you're going to wear?"
"No," said India miserably. "Something smart, I guess. I don't know."
"I can help," said Lydia, and India imagined her brain lighting up with dozens of fashion choices and hastily added, "It's okay, I'll just wear a nice top or something."
"So is it just for tea or something?"
"Lunch," said India and her friend grinned and asked, "And dessert?"
"Lydia!" exclaimed India, mortified, giving her a shove.
"What? Oh, lighten up! Seriously though," whispered her friend, leaning forward, "do you think anything will happen?"
"I'm going over to meet his family not to...do that," muttered India, aware of the fellow students in the playground.
"Well, you never know. You might see his room."
"Even so," said India, feeling horribly embarrassed. "I don't think we will."
"Will what?" came a voice and the girls looked up to see Jamie walking up to them with his hands in his pockets.
"Nothing," said India quickly before Lydia could open her mouth but Jamie raised his eyebrows and said, "Whatever. Hey, what are you doing this weekend? We could have another DVD marathon and this time I'll pay you back."
"I can't," said India apologetically. "I'm going over to Elliot's to see his family."
"Right," said Jamie, sounding annoyed. "And that will take all weekend, will it?"
India stared at him.
"What's your problem?" she asked. "I have work on Saturday morning, then I'm going over and then on Sunday my grandma's coming over and I have study inbetween. Sorry my live doesn't revolve around you!"
Jamie looked a little ashamed but simply mumbled, "I'm just disappointed that I can't pay you back."
"You just want to see Indy in her bra," said Lydia wickedly and Jamie and India both exclaimed at her furiously, but then the bell rang, and Jamie walked quickly back to class, his cheeks the colour of tomatoes.
"You're so embarrassing," said India and Lydia said, "And he got embarrassed! He likes you!"
"He doesn't!" exclaimed India, her cheeks still burning and Lydia asked, "Why did he go so red then?"
"Because you were embarrassing him!"
"He was disappointed that you couldn't do the DVD marathon."
"He just wants to embarrass me."
"And see you topless," grinned Lydia and India gave her a shove.
"He does not, we're best mates. And if he does, it's just because he's being pervy."
"Whatever, Indy. He always gets annoyed when you bring up Elliot."
"He doesn't," retorted India, but she couldn't help sounding and feeling a little unsure. When she too got to class she wondered if she should try and see if there was any truth in what Lydia said, but she had no chance to talk to Jamie until the end of school, and then he teased her and annoyed her so much that India decided that Lydia was reading too much into things, as usual, and that it didn't matter anyway if he did because she didn't feel the same way and she had Elliot. India tried to put all of it out of her mind but on Friday evening, as she looked through her wardrobe, Lydia's questions ran through her mind only they weren't just the ones about Jamie, they were her other questions too, about what she would do if they ended up alone in his room and India sank onto the bed, biting her lip. It was all very well to say that they wouldn't that day but what about when they were alone in his house on another day? What if it didn't feel right and he got annoyed or felt weird about it? India knew that if he did try and pressure her she'd get rid of him, but she felt anxious all the same, and sat on the bed with the tops clenched in her lap. India shook herself. She was being stupid, she told herself sternly, and was she really going to let Lydia get to her? It was just lunch with Elliot's family! She would just talk and eat with them and meet them all...suddenly her stomach went into a knot again and then she jumped as there was a knock at her door.
"Come in," said India and her father came in and sat next to her on the bed.
"Are you okay, sweetheart?"
"Of course I am, why?"
"You've been in here for ages and you look worried."
India hesitated and then said, "Dad, what if they hate me?"
"What?" exclaimed Declan, taking her hand. "Why would you think that?"
"That's what they say, isn't it?" India sniffled, holding the clothes still. "That boys' mums hate their girlfriends."
"India, that isn't always true. Grandma loved your mum to pieces, she said she was the daughter she never had."
"Well, Elliot's mum has a daughter, she has two daughters, so she won't love me for that."
"No, she'll love you because you're Indy," said Declan, giving her a hug. "Just be yourself."
"But that's what everyone says," said India anxiously. "What if she's one of those possessive mums who sees her son as her little boy and me as some –" she bit her lip, not wishing to say the word in front of her father and he sighed, but she continued, "You didn't like Elliot because I'm your little girl, I'll bet she feels the same way, only it's the other way round."
"India, you're worrying way too much about this. She might be like that but she might not. Anyway, she's giving you a chance and I gave Elliot a chance and we're not best mates but I don't hate him."
"I hope not," sniffled India. "Oh Dad, I wish it was over."
"It's not a trial, Indy, it's lunch."
"I'm blaming you," she joked. "You made lunch with Elliot like the Inquisition!"
"I'm sorry," said Declan sheepishly. "I wasn't trying to put you off meals with your boyfriend's mum and dad."
"Bet you were trying to put off Elliot though!" exclaimed India but she sighed.
"I know I'm being dumb, it'll be fine."
"Why don't you come and watch TV?" suggested Declan. "It has to be better than stressing in your room."
"All right," agreed India, leaving the tops on her bed, but she still tossed and turned that night, unable to sleep, her friend's questions running around in her mind.
For the first time ever India's Saturday morning shift raced by and before she knew it India seemed to be finishing stacking the shelves and getting ready to go, feeling that it was just typical that it would be that way on the one day she needed time to think and prepare herself, and she still didn't know what to wear.
"Slow down!" exclaimed Declan as India raced in, threw her keys on the sideboard and dashed into her room.
"I don't know what to wear!" yelped India, standing in the middle of her room looking helplessly at the selection of tops.
"Just wear a shirt and pants!"
"Oh, thanks Dad, big help!" shouted India. "I only have about fifty choices of those!"
"Fine, I won't help then!" snapped Declan but India exclaimed, "Are jeans too casual?"
"No!" sighed Declan. "Not unless they have mud on them or something!"
"Okay! I'm going to get changed!"
"You're welcome," said Declan sarcastically but India gazed at the pile of clothes oblivious, having not heard him at all. She caught sight of the clock which spurred her into action and finally snatched up her black trousers and blue shirt which she had worn when Elliot had come over to their house for lunch, so long ago, and washed and dressed as quickly as she could before running to the cafe, where Elliot was picking her up.
"Hey!" he exclaimed, holding her arms. "It's not a race!"
"I didn't want to be late," she panted. "Do I look okay?"
"You look amazing," said Elliot and he gave her a kiss. "Relax, they'll love you!"
"I hope," sighed India but she gave him a smile.
"Dad's not going to be there," said Elliot. "He says sorry, but he had to go away for a meeting this weekend."
"That's okay," said India, thinking that at least she only had one parent to deal with.
Elliot's house was a twenty-minute walk from India's and just from looking at India thought she could tell it was frequently chaotic. There were two pink bikes leaning against the front of it and several toys strewn about the garden.
"Maddie and Leah'll have to pick all of those up tomorrow," said Elliot, nodding at them. "The pile of toys grows every week and Mum makes them tidy it all on Sunday. She always tells them that if they pick them up as they go they'll save a lot of time but they don't listen."
India laughed but then Elliot was getting out his key and opening the door and her laugh dried in her throat as she suddenly felt anxious again.
"Hey!" called Elliot. "We're here!"
A small thundering of feet suggesting a noisy animal suddenly sounded but instead it was two small girls hurtling themselves along the hall and squealing as they flung themselves around their older brother's waist, so fast that India couldn't even see them properly, but she guessed they were Maddie and Leah.
"Guys," groaned Elliot, trying to unlatch them. "I've got to breathe! Look, India's here!"
The girls finally let their brother go and stared up at India, making her feel uncomfortable, and she reminded herself that they were only his little sisters. They both had his dark, wavy hair only Maddie's hair fell in a heavy fringe over her eyes and Leah wore fairy wings.
"Hey," said India, trying to sound friendly, but the girl only muttered, "Hi," and Leah sucked her thumb.
"Where's Mum?" asked Elliot but before either could answer a woman with a tea towel came out of the kitchen and smiled at them.
"Hello. You must be the India we've heard so much about."
"Hi," mumbled India, feeling shy and then she felt rude, remembering how Elliot had brought her flowers and how she should have brought something too. Elliot's mother didn't seem to have thought so though and instead smiled brightly and stuck out her hand.
"Hi. I'm Elliot's mum, but you can call me Alice. Excuse the tea towel, I've just been finishing up but I think we're ready if you just want to wash your hands. Leah, take those wings off, you're not being a fairy at the table."
"Oh, Mum," Leah began to whinge but India began to relax, feeling pleasantly foolish. Dad had been right, she didn't hate her and was even smiling, but after she had washed her hands and slid into the seat offered at the table, India could have sworn for a moment that Maddie gave her a scowl. She stared at her, bemused, but then she was looking away and asking her brother for the juice.
"So what year of school are you in?" asked Alice, when they had all began to eat and India replied, "Eleven."
"It doesn't feel so long ago that I was that age either. What kind of thing do you like studying?"
"English mainly," India replied and the discussion turned to what they had all enjoyed, or not enjoyed studying, and India even found herself laughing when she had heard about how Alice's mother had burnt a particular piece of Maths homework. It was a far cry from the awkward lunch with Elliot, Rebecca and her dad.
"I can't do my sums, Mummy," cut in Leah. "Can I burn mine?"
"Oh, I knew I shouldn't have given you ideas," groaned Alice again and she shook her head. "India, do you want more juice? Maddie, pass the jug."
As India turned to take it and Elliot's mother began to pile up the plates the jug wobbled in Maddie's hand and juice spilt all down India.
"Maddie!" exclaimed Alice in horror. "Why couldn't you be more careful?! Oh, I'm so sorry India – hold on, I'll get a cloth."
"It's okay," replied India numbly but she stared at Maddie, who was smirking. The wobble had not looked very accidental and she did not look very sorry, but India was not going to bring that up now but instead wiped the juice away and insisted that no one needed to apologise. Still, India stared at Maddie and wondered what kind of game she was playing – did she do this to all of her brother's girlfriends? Or was India being paranoid and had it been an accident after all? She could not help feeling suspicious but then she and Elliot had to have a coffee with his mother – the girls had more juice – and then Alice was standing up and saying, "Well, it was lovely getting to meet you – finally! Anyway, these two are going to their friends' houses for tea so I'm afraid I have to run."
"Oh, okay," said India and Alice added, "You don't have to go though, if you don't want to. Maddie! Leah! Get your shoes on please!"
A little while later they left the house with a bang, Leah still begging to go back for her fairy wings, and Elliot and India stood awkwardly in the room.
"Do you want to see my room?" he asked eventually and India nodded and followed him. The room was painted blue with some arty posters on the wall and a framed photo of his family on the desk, including the absent brother, India noticed, and, as if reading her mind, Elliot added, "He's at uni until October."
"Right," said India and she didn't know what to do with herself. She thought about mentioning Maddie's 'accidental' spillage but didn't want to go causing problems so instead settled for, "Your sisters are nice."
"Kind of crazy too," grinned Elliot and India joked, "Runs in the family!"
"Oh, haha," groaned Elliot and India began to laugh but then he suddenly cut her off with a kiss, stopping only to say, "You still look good covered in juice."
"I try," smiled India but then they were kissing again and moved onto the bed. They continued to kiss heavily but then Elliot put his hand under the back of India's T-shirt and she froze and pulled away.
"What is it?" asked Elliot, stopping and sitting up. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing...."
"What?"
"I've never...." India bit her lip. "I've never slept with anyone."
"Oh," said Elliot awkwardly, but he put his arm around her. "It's okay. We don't have to do anything you don't want to."
"I know," said India, but she suddenly felt uncomfortable and stood up. "Look, I should go. Thanks for lunch – it was great meeting everyone."
"Indy, I wasn't trying to hassle you," said Elliot, looking concerned. "I'm sorry if it felt that way."
"I know," said India quickly. "You weren't. But I should get back anyway – Dad'll be wondering where I am..."
"Let me walk you back," offered Elliot and India quickly said, "No, it's okay. I might go to the store on the way back anyway..."
"Let me walk you to the store then."
"All right," sighed India, wanting to walk alone, but she let Elliot walk her there, kiss her goodbye and then went into the store but didn't buy anything, and dawdled the rest of the way back, feeling horribly mixed up and miserable.
"Hey," smiled Declan, when his daughter finally came through the door. "How was lunch?"
India hugged him before giving the truthful answer of, "Interesting!"
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Post by Bee on Feb 18, 2011 2:29:55 GMT
nice update Sophie (: cant wait for more!
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Post by sophie on Feb 22, 2011 16:36:14 GMT
Thanks!
“You’re quiet,” remarked Declan on Monday evening and India shrugged.
“Am I?”
“You’ve been quiet since you got back from lunch at Elliot’s. Did something happen?”
“No,” said India, trying to sound honest and Declan frowned.
“He didn’t try and push something, did he? Because if he did, I swear –“
“Dad, nothing happened!” India exclaimed, getting up and taking the plates to the sink. “Like I said, the only thing that went wrong was that his sister might hate me.”
“Oh Indy, she’s just a kid. Don’t worry about that.”
“I won’t,” sighed India, trying to smile again and Declan frowned again and asked, “Are you sure that’s everything?”
“Yes, Dad! Look, I’m going to do some work, okay?”
“All right,” said Declan, but he still stared after his daughter and wondered if there was more to the story.
India went to her room and sat at her desk but didn’t write anything but instead stared into space, feeling miserable. On Sunday she had given short, simple answers about lunch when Rebecca had asked her how it had gone, and though she seemed a little surprised that her granddaughter was so quiet she hadn’t pushed it. Lydia was a different story, however, and at recess on Monday she had sat down by India and said, “So what happened?”
“It was just lunch,” India had shrugged. “I met his family – well, his mum and sisters. His brother’s at uni and his dad was on some work trip.”
“What were they like?”
“Okay. I’m not sure if the older girl likes me though – she spilt juice on me but it didn’t look like an accident.”
“She did it on purpose?”
“Maybe. I don’t know.”
“And then....?”
“And then I went home,” said India shortly and Lydia exclaimed, “Come on, there has to be more to it than that! What did you do after lunch? Did you see his room?”
“Yeah...”
“Did anything happen?” asked Lydia excitedly but India said, “No,” in firm voice.
“Nothing at all? Did something nearly happen?”
“Well...no, not really.”
“That means it did!” exclaimed Lydia. “Did he want to?”
“Yes – no – I don’t know. He might have. We were just kissing but it felt like too much so we left it.”
“Was he disappointed?” asked Lydia, and, sick of her questions, India said, “No. I don’t know. Look, I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
Lydia looked as though she was going to ask more questions regardless but then the bell went and, sighing, she went in, saying, “I’ll get the rest of it out of you someday.”
India got a text from Elliot as she left school, asking her to meet up, but India felt like being alone so texted, Sorry, too much work, see you soon x before going home, feeling as mixed up as before, if not moreso. What if it never felt right? What if he dumped her for never feeling ready for it? What if it never felt right with anyone? What if it did feel right and they did sleep together and she found out she was pregnant? India lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, and the thoughts kept her awake for most of the night, before her concluding that it would probably be best for everyone if she joined a nunnery and finally falling asleep at 3 AM.
“Indy! Indy!”
India looked up, surprised, to see her godmother waving. It was Wednesday afternoon and she had just finished school.
“How was school?” Donna asked and India shrugged.
“School!”
“Are you doing anything now?” and India shook her head. “Good, let’s go and get a drink.”
Shortly afterwards Donna and India sat in the cafe with strawberry milkshakes.
“So, how have you been?” asked Donna and India’s face fell.
“Honey, what is it?” asked Donna in concern as India’s lip wobbled and she started to cry. “What’s wrong? Tell me?”
It took a moment for India to stop, snivel and wail, “I’m a freak!”
“What?” exclaimed Donna, handing her a napkin and giving her a goddaughter a hug. “No, you’re not. Why would you think you are?”
“Because,” sniffled India, “I freaked out at Elliot’s house!”
“When you went over for lunch?” asked Donna and India nodded miserably. “What happened?”
“We were in his bedroom,” gulped India, “and we were kissing, and we went on the bed and nothing happened, but he put his hand up my T-shirt and I panicked, Donna, I just froze and then I left!”
“But that’s normal, honey.”
“But he was really nice about it,” sobbed India. “And I don’t know, but I just don’t want to see him anymore and he hasn’t even done anything wrong!”
“Indy, it’s normal to freak out if things move along too fast and good on you for saying no.”
“But why don’t I want to see him?”
“Have you not seen him since?” asked Donna and India shook her head. “Well. It’s normal to want some space.”
“It just didn’t feel right,” sniffled India. “And what if it never does?”
“Indy, you’ll know when you feel ready.”
“When?” demanded India and Donna smiled sadly.
“India, that’s different for everyone. I can’t put a date on it and say: that’s when you’ll feel ready.”
“What if I never do?”
“You will. And if you don’t, he’s not right for you anyway.”
“No, I mean what if I never feel ready with anyone?” wailed India.
“Indy, you will one day, I promise.”
“It doesn’t feel like I ever will,” sniffled India, dabbing her eyes with a napkin. “All he did was touch my bra strap and I totally froze up. I can’t imagine it ever feeing okay and we didn’t even do anything.”
Donna looked troubled.
“India, it’s not a race, okay? It’s not weird to panic when that happens for the first time and if he’s a good guy he’ll understand.”
“He did understand!” exclaimed India snottily. “But what if it never feels right, ever, and then we break up?”
Donna took her hands.
“Look, I know everyone says this, but they’re not lying: when it feels right you’ll know and it doesn’t have to be with him. It might be a long way away but one day it will feel right with someone. You’re only seventeen.”
“I feel so stupid,” sobbed India and Donna gave her another hug.
“You're anything but. Stop being so hard on yourself, you didn’t do anything wrong. And besides....I’m the freak, not you!” and India managed to laugh.
They sat in silence for a while, drinking their milkshakes, before India looked to her side and then asked cautiously, “Donna?”
“Yes?”
“What if it does feel right and we do it and then I find out I’m pregnant?”
Donna didn’t know what to say for a moment.
“Well...you know you’d never have unprotected sex, don’t you?”
“Yes,” agreed India. “But contraception fails, doesn’t it? Condoms split.”
“What about going on the pill?”
“I was thinking about that,” admitted India. “I just need to see how much is in my account. No way can I ask Dad for money for that, he’d freak.”
“Do you want me to talk to Declan? He’d give you money if you needed it. I’m sure he’d rather you were safe.”
“No!” exclaimed India, grabbing her hand. “No way, you can’t. Dad would explode. He wouldn’t see it from my point of view. He would never want me to sleep with anyone.”
“He might when he thought about it – see it from your point of view, I mean.”
“He’s my dad!” exclaimed India. “Did you talk to your dad about it?"
"No," admitted Donna and India said, "Well then! Donna, you have to promise me you won’t say anything to him!”
Donna sighed.
“Okay, but I still think you should talk to him about it. You underestimate him sometimes. Declan’s more rational than my dad was, on some stuff anyway, and he remembers being your age.”
“Maybe,” said India, but Donna felt that she was only saying so to please her. “I think I’ll have enough money when I get my next wages anyway.”
“All right.” There was a pause and then Donna looked at India and said, “Look, you’ll be okay. If you have enough money, go on it, it’s better safe than sorry, but condoms splitting don’t always happen. Just be careful and you don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.”
“I know,” admitted India and she looked up and smiled. “Thanks, Donna.”
“And you are not a freak, I promise,” said Donna firmly. “I know you’re not.”
India left the cafe feeling lighthearted but as she reached her road she saw someone at the corner, and then saw it was Elliot, and her heart sank slightly as she made her way towards him.
“Have you been avoiding me?” he asked shortly.
“No!” protested India, but it was rather feebly and he exclaimed, “What’s wrong? Is it because we went too far on Saturday? I wasn’t trying to pressure you.”
“I know!” exclaimed India. “Look, I’m sorry. It just surprised me.”
“But why have you been ignoring me?” asked Elliot. “Do you think I’m going to pressure you?”
“No!”
“Good, because I’m not!”
They stared at each other for a moment before India finally said, “You’ve had sex, haven’t you?”
“Yes,” he said honestly. “But only with one other person.”
“So you’re going to want to have sex?”
“Yeah, one day!” he said in frustration. “When you want to.”
“But I don’t know if I’ll want to,” said India miserably and they both stood there for a moment before he took her hand.
“You might. I won’t make you do anything you’re not ready for but let’s just see how it goes, okay?”
“Okay,” agreed India, and though they kissed, she went into the house as confused as she had felt that morning, and now she felt worse, despite her godmother’s reassurance and as she glanced at her mother’s photo she felt that she would know just what to say to make it better, but when she tried to think of what that would be she could think of nothing.
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Post by Bee on Feb 23, 2011 12:26:07 GMT
very good update Sophie (: cant wait for more
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Post by sophie on Feb 25, 2011 16:43:45 GMT
Thanks!
On Saturday afternoon, as India finished her shift, hung up her nametag and went to leave the shop Elliot was there, leaning against the doorframe with the sun making patterns across his arms.
“Do you want to talk?”
India nodded and they turned to leave, Elliot taking her hand which relieved her. Surely he couldn’t be too annoyed and she squeezed it slightly, as though to reassure him she wasn’t upset and they went to the cafe.
“Two strawberry milkshakes, please,” said Elliot and then turned to face India. “What’s going on?”
“What do you mean?” asked India, looking down at the table and noticing a mark.
“I mean, are you still upset about stuff?”
“Are you mad at me?” India blurted out.
“No, of course not! Why do you think I would be?”
“Because I went all weird after I left your house. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to say sorry for not being ready.”
“I know,” said India, tracing the mark on the table which raised against her fingers. “I’m sorry I went all weird though. I didn't mean to ignore you.”
“It’s okay,” said Elliot, and the waitress brought their drinks over. India took a sip and as she left Elliot leant forward and said, “Look, we don’t have to do anything.”
“I know,” said India again. “I’m not saying never.”
“You don’t have to prove anything,” he assured her and India smiled, but felt a little awkward.
“I know that. How was your week, anyway?” and Elliot launched into a long description of a family day out and India smiled and drank her milkshake, but was not paying much attention to the story, and was instead admiring her boyfriend and the way he smiled as he talked, and how small creases appeared around his brown eyes. Beauty wasn’t just for females.
“So what do you reckon?”
“Huh?” blinked India, shaken out of her daydream and Elliot said, “Do you want to come back to mine?”
“Oh! I’m sorry, but I should get back...I have work and Dad’ll be home anyway.”
“Okay,” said Elliot, and they got up to pay and go. “Are we okay now?”
“What do you think?” asked India, and she leant upwards and gave him a small, quick kiss.
India began to walk home in the opposite direction, but her mind was so far away that an elephant could have crossed her path and she would not have noticed. Maybe it was stupid to have worried so much, she thought. He hadn’t tried to pressure her and India felt herself wondering that maybe she would want to one day after all. As she walked past the chemist she thought it was best to be safe rather than sorry and she stole in, already feeling embarrassed, and told herself off. Everyone bought these every day, the girl behind the counter didn’t know her and wouldn’t care anyway, yet India could still feel her cheeks go red as she saw the selection of condoms. She didn’t even know which ones to buy and she stared at them, wishing they were in the corner of the shop rather than behind the counter.
“Can I help you?” asked the girl.
“Just browsing,” said India quickly and the girl nodded and returned to her magazine. She stared at them again, wishing it was all clearer and then some other people came into the shop, picked up something and went to the counter as well.
“Are you in the queue?” they asked and India shook her head and they moved forwards to pay. After they had left the girl looked up again and said, “Are you looking for something in particular?”
“Ummmm,” India felt her courage fail. “No. Just these, please,” and she picked up a bag of lollies without even seeing which ones they were, threw some money at the girl and almost ran out, feeling like an idiot. Suppose that happened every time?
“Hello?” called India as she came in and a muffled voice replied, “Hey!”
“Where are you?” asked India, coming into the house properly.
“Kitchen!” Declan shouted back and India went in to find him lying under the sink and adjusting something.
“What are you doing?”
“Fixing the water. The kitchen tap’s gone cold.”
“Dad, you’ll break it,” groaned India, putting her bag down. “Please call a plumber!”
“What, you don’t think I can fix a pipe?” asked Declan indignantly, sitting up.
“No, I don’t,” replied India unfeelingly. “Dad, I beg you, call a plumber or you’ll break all the pipes!”
“Have some faith in your old man!” retorted Declan, lying back under the sink. “How was work – ah!”
A burst of water hit Declan in the face and he wiped at it whilst desperately trying to tighten something in the sink.
“Dad, do you need some help?”
“Got it covered!” he spluttered so India picked her bag up again and went into her bedroom, feeling sure that her father was going to cause even bigger a disaster. She took her shoes off and then turned on her laptop before searching contraceptive pill. She clicked on their healthcare link, read the general information and then her mouth hung open when she read the price. Seventy dollars for a three months' prescription on top of a costly doctor’s appointment! How on earth would she afford that?! India sat back in her chair in gloom. She had about fifty dollars in her account, and the wages took it to eighty, which just covered the pill but then she needed to find another sixty for the appointment. How the hell would she find that? The last thing in the world India wanted to do was to ask her father for it. Even if he didn’t say no, he’d still know she was considering it and that was private. India felt embarrassed just imagining that conversation and she doubted her father would agree anyway. India guessed she would have to find some other way but she didn’t know what. She sighed and scrolled back up the page, reading just the medical information about how it worked and felt slightly dizzy at all the types. She had only thought there were about two.
“Hey!” came a voice at the door and India almost jumped out her skin before looking round guiltily.
“Hey Dad,” she said. Declan had changed but was still rubbing at his hair with a towel.
“What are you doing?”
“Nothing,” said India hastily, closing the tab quickly and feeling embarrassed. That had been close. “Just messing about on the net.”
“Right. Well, do you want some lunch?”
“Sure. I’ll just go and shower.”
“Cool. By the way, I’ve fixed it,” her father added smugly. “The kitchen tap is perfect!”
“For now,” retorted India and her father rolled her eyes at her and went back to the kitchen. India went to the bathroom, turned on the shower and stepped inside.
“AHHH!”
“What?” shouted Declan as she leapt out, grabbed her towel and stormed through the kitchen. “What?”
“You might have fixed the kitchen tap,” groaned India, dripping water, “but you have completely frozen our shower!”
India simply glared as her father began to laugh.
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Post by Bee on Feb 25, 2011 19:14:02 GMT
Nice update sophie (: can't wait for more (:
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Post by sophie on Feb 27, 2011 22:12:03 GMT
Thanks!
For the rest of the week the shower alternated between either scalding or freezing India and Declan as Declan obstinately refused to call a plumber and instead spent evenings back under the sink, fiddling with the pipes, until India, feeling desperate, picked up the Yellow Pages and called their local plumber when her father wasn’t looking. Declan was annoyed, although pleased to have the water fixed, but his relief soon turned to embarrassment when the plumber laughed and asked if the last plumber had disliked them as he had never seen pipes in such bad shape and that they must have done more harm than good. Luckily, it did not take long to fix and did not cost much and half an hour later Declan and India had running water again.
“I told you it was worth it,” said India smugly and Declan muttered, “I nearly fixed it.”
“Oh, whatever Dad! Didn’t you hear what the plumber said?”
Declan chose to ignore the last comment and instead coughed and said, “So what are your plans for the weekend?”
“Work,” said India, grinning at her father’s evasion of her question. “Not much else. Homework. I might see Lydia or go round Elliot’s.”
“Go round Elliot’s?” echoed Declan suspiciously. “Will his mum and dad be there?”
“Dad!” exclaimed India, feeling annoyed and picking up a banana from the fruit bowl.
“Well, will they?”
“Yes! Well, his mum will anyway. His little sisters will be there.”
“Huh,” said Declan, sounding annoyed.
“Dad, would you please relax!” exclaimed India, opening the banana and taking a bite. “Nothing’s going to happen!”
“It had better not,” retorted Declan and India sighed.
“Okay, okay, I’ll drop it,” he continued, reading his daughter’s mind. “I just know that it’s very easy to get carried away.”
“Dad, stop talking now, please,” groaned India. “For one thing, we’ve been through this about fifty times, and for another it’s weird.”
“It’s not exactly my favourite topic of conversation either,” snapped Declan. “But I wouldn’t feel very responsible if I wasn’t reminding you to think twice and be careful.”
“Well, you’ve reminded me!” exclaimed India and there was an awkward silence. Declan picked up the newspaper and India finished her banana.
“Dad....”
“Yes?” asked Declan, looking up from the article he had not been reading.
“What are we doing on Monday?”
There was an awkward silence of another kind, and India stared at her father and Declan looked away for a moment before quickly saying, “You know what we’re doing. You have school, I have work, and then we can think of something in the evening. We’ll ring Nan and Grandpa Steve.”
“I don’t want to go to school.”
“India, you are going to school,” said Declan firmly.
“It’s Mum’s birthday!”
“And that doesn’t make a difference! She would want you to go. Mum wouldn’t want you to miss out on your education for her birthday.”
“It’s a special day.”
“I never said it wasn’t,” shot back Declan. “Going to school isn’t going to change that. When you get home we can eat some of Mum’s favourite food and celebrate it then, maybe go out for a drink, but you are not skipping out on class. She wouldn’t want you to.”
“She’d understand.”
“India,” said Declan in a warning voice. “You are going to school. End of discussion.”
India sighed and stamped upstairs, feeling angry and defeated. Why should she go to school when she wouldn’t even pay attention anyway? She was old enough for a say in the matter.
“You would understand,” she said to her mother’s photo and then fell into a troubled sleep.
“Hey Miss, is this where I can buy pickled onions?”
India looked up and laughed to see Elliot leaning over the counter.
“What do you want those for?”
“I don’t,” he said, grinning. “I just wanted to make you laugh. What are you doing after this?”
“Nothing, why?”
“Do you want to go to my house for lunch?”
“Sure. I finish in a few minutes, actually. Should I be worried?”
“What do you mean?” asked Elliot, frowning slightly and India grinned and said, “This is an invitation from the man wanting pickled onions!”
“You’re funny,” said Elliot, leaning over the counter and giving her a quick kiss. “Okay, I’ll see you in a bit.”
As he left the shop Jamie came in, looking behind him as Elliot left, and said, “Hey, Napier!”
“God, you made me jump!” said India, who had turned away from the counter to put some more stock on a shelf.
“I try.”
“Do you want to buy anything?”
“No,” said Jamie. “I wanted to know if you’re free.”
“When?”
“After work.”
“I’m going to Elliot’s after work,” said India apologetically.
“This evening?”
“Look, I don’t know,” said India, running a hand through her hair. “I have to finish that assignment for Ms Brown and then I’m seeing Lydia tomorrow afternoon....”
“Forget it,” said Jamie in a disgruntled voice, turning to go away and India snapped, “What?”
“You’re always busy these days! When was the last time we hung out?”
“It was....” India thought back, but Jamie answered for her, “The DVD marathon and that was before school started!”
“If you knew, then why did you ask?” snapped India and Jamie retorted, “To see if you did!”
“I’m sorry I have a life!” exclaimed India. “I’m sorry I didn’t run through my weekend plans with you!”
“I’m sorry you don’t ever want to have fun anymore!”
“That’s not fair,” said India quietly. “You know it’s not. I’ve just told Elliot I’d go to his house for lunch, I can’t just cancel on him because you want to hang out instead.”
“But you see him all the time!” exclaimed Jamie. “Why is it so important that you hang out in all your free time?”
“I don’t!” exclaimed India, feeling hurt. “What, do you think that I’ve become one of those pathetic girls who can’t breathe if her boyfriend isn’t there or something?”
“I never said that.”
“It’s starting to sound like it,” snapped India, beginning to feel angry. “Are you jealous or something?”
It was Jamie’s turn to get angry.
“Jealous? Get over yourself, Napier! The last time I checked wanting to hang out with my friend didn’t mean I was into her, or maybe you’ve been spending too much time with Lydia and think that you can’t be just friends with a guy!”
India was irate.
“If you don’t have anything constructive to say, go away!” she said furiously. “I’ve got work to do!”
“Fine!”
“Fine!”
They glared at each other for a moment and then Jamie snapped, "You're both nauseating together anyway!" before storming out, the door slamming behind him and Mr Wheezer came out of the office.
“What was that about?”
“Nothing, Mr Wheezer,” said India. “Just a disagreement with a customer.”
“I hope you weren’t rude,” he said sternly. “You know we have to keep a good relationship with our customers.”
“It was someone I knew, nothing to do with work.”
“I see.” He polished his glasses. “Then keep it for outside hours, hm?”
“He’s such an idiot!” ranted India, pacing around Elliot’s bedroom.
“Indy –“
“No, he is! He really is! He never used to give a damn about what I did at weekends, what right does he have to boss me about and tell me off if I want to spend it with other people? He’s such a jerk!”
“India!” exclaimed Elliot and India stopped pacing and stood facing Elliot, breathing rather heavily with her arms hanging loose.
“Sorry,” she said, beginning to feel stupid.
“Why do you let him get to you so much?” he exclaimed. “Isn’t he meant to be your friend?”
“Yeah, he’s meant to be,” growled India, beginning to feel angry but Elliot added, “So you’ll both get over it! Do we have to talk about him anyway?”
“No,” exclaimed India, going and sitting down on the bed with him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get into such a fit, I just had to get it off my chest...”
“It’s okay,” said Elliot, but he still sounded mildly annoyed and India gave him another kiss.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” said Elliot, starting to sound less annoyed, and he kissed her back. India leaned closer towards him but just as she started to forget what she had even felt annoyed about the door suddenly opened and a pleased voice said, “Lunch is ready!”
“Jeez, Maddie!” said Elliot, quickly moving away from India and standing up. “You could’ve knocked!”
“Why?”
“You know why,” he said in a disgruntled voice and Maddie giggled and ran off. “Sorry, Indy. She’s a total menace and if it’s not her it’s Leah.”
“What if it’s neither of them?” asked India, feeling amused and he grimaced and said, “Then it’s my brother. You are so lucky that you don’t have siblings.”
“I guess,” said India awkwardly. “I used to want one when I was younger.”
“Your dad could still have one,” he remarked, opening the door and India shrugged. A half-sibling felt strange to think about. Maddie and Leah were already at the table and when Elliot and India sat down Maddie gleefully announced, “India and Elliot were on the bed!”
India stared at her, feeling two red spots appear on her face. She didn’t know what it was to feel so embarrassed and Elliot hissed, “Maddie, shut up!”
“Don’t tell your sister to shut up,” said Alice sternly and Elliot quickly said, “Mum, it wasn’t like that, I promise, we were just sitting on the bed...”
“I don’t want to know,” Alice said quickly, cutting him off. “Maddie, what have I told you about telling tales?”
Maddie sulked and Elliot said, “Could you refresh her on knocking on people’s doors as well?”
“Elliot, that’s enough. Who wants sandwiches?”
As India took the plate from Elliot she felt sure she would never be able to look Elliot’s mother in the face again. Very well if she didn’t want to know but with younger sisters barging in she probably would know too much information anyway. Elliot should invest in a lock.
“So how was work?” asked Alice, interrupting India’s thoughts, and conversation turned to that for a while. As they finished their sandwiches Alice asked, “India, would you like some chips?”
“Sure,” replied India, but as she reached over Maddie picked it up to pass the plate to her and as India went to take it Maddie’s hand slipped again and chips cascaded over her.
“Maddie, what is wrong with you?” exclaimed Elliot as India brushed them away and Alice snapped, “That’s no way to talk. Oh, I’m so sorry Indy, she’s not normally this clumsy...Maddie, apologise.”
“Sorry,” said Maddie, in a rather meek voice, but when India looked at her she thought she seemed triumphant and thought she saw a brief smirk on her face.
“Do you want to stay?” asked Elliot, after they had finished eating but India felt Maddie staring at her and felt a little uncomfortable.
“No, I should get back,” she said. “Thanks for lunch.”
“That’s okay. Sorry for my sister! Do you want me to walk you home?”
“Elliot!” called his mother from the kitchen. “Can you come and wash up?”
“It’s okay,” said India quickly, giving him a small kiss. “Really. I’ll see you next week.”
“Okay then,” said Elliot, kissing her quickly again, and as India left she felt Maddie’s eyes on her still.
“She’s a nightmare!” exclaimed India when she got in. “An absolute nightmare!”
“Indy, she’s just a kid,” said her father calmly. “What did she exactly do?”
“Spilt juice down me and chips deliberately - I’m sure it was deliberately – and then she walked in on me and Elliot and told his mum!”
Declan looked up sharply.
“Walked in on?!”
“Oh Dad, we were just kissing,” said India in frustration.
“Alone in his room?”
“Oh, I knew I should never have told you,” India groaned. “We weren’t doing anything!”
“All right,” said Declan, but he still sounded suspicious. “Maybe I should be thanking Maddie!”
“Forget it,” groaned India and Declan said, “Come on, that was a joke. Well. Half a joke, anyway. India, she’s just a kid. She’s probably unsure of you.”
“She hates me!”
“India, she doesn’t hate you. She’s a ten-year-old girl!”
“And ten-year-old girls can be dangerous,” retorted India. “Joke! Well. Half a joke,” and she stuck her tongue out.
“No, I remember,” said Declan wearily. “You always had some sort of plan up your sleeve if I said you couldn’t do something.”
“Oh yeah,” laughed India. “Like when I got Jamie to put lollies in the basket on a string I’d tied from my window when you said I couldn’t have any for being naughty!”
“It was only the wrappers in your room which gave you away,” remembered Declan, smiling slightly. “God, I was so mad at you but I did find it funny.”
“And ingenious,” added India with a grin, but she then felt sad after thinking of Jamie, and how normally it would be he she would complaining about Maddie first to, rather than her dad, whom, whilst she loved, was not the same as a friend.
“That too.”
“You know,” said India, leaning against the wall, “I used to think I wanted a little sister but now I’m not so sure.”
“Did you?” asked Declan, looking a little sad and then India wished she had not brought it up.
“A bit. I don’t mind now. What do you want for dinner?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said Declan, running a hand through his hair. “How about a pizza?”
“Really?” grinned India in surprise.
“We all need a treat now and then,” said Declan, and he ruffled her hair, making India exclaim and laugh at him, and as she retreated into the kitchen Declan watched her, smiling sadly and wondered about the younger sister that had never been.
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Post by Bee on Feb 28, 2011 6:09:48 GMT
Nice update Sophie can't wait for more
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Post by sophie on Mar 1, 2011 17:59:48 GMT
Thanks!
The following afternoon Rebecca came round for lunch and she turned to India and said, “How was your Saturday?”
India made a face and reached for the bread.
“What’s that face for?” asked Rebecca, turning to Declan and India replied, “His little sister hates me.”
“India –“ Declan began to cut in and India wearily said, “Okay, she might not hate me but she definitely dislikes me.”
“What makes you say that?” asked Rebecca, a crease appearing in her brow and India sighed and said, “She’s spilt juice and chips down me on purpose. Well, she said it was an accident but I don’t believe her, she smirked at me and then she walked in on me and Elliot and told her mum we were on the bed – and we were, but we were just sitting on it,” India added hastily, after seeing her grandmother’s mouth open to ask. “But she made it sound like something more so his mum would flip or something.”
“I wouldn’t be happy if you were on the bed with him, sitting or not,” remarked Declan and India groaned and said, “This is why I don’t tell you things. Grandma, what should I do?”
“I’m not sure, Indy,” said Rebecca, running a hand through her hair. “I’ve never raised a girl.”
“You helped raise Indy,” said Declan quietly and his mother looked touched.
“Well. Yes, I suppose I did, but being a grandmother’s not the same as being a mother. I didn’t discipline very much, that’s the best part of being a grandmother, you can just spoil your grandchildren.”
“Not that you needed disciplining as much as some kids,” added Declan. “You were quite mischievous but not very badly behaved.”
“I don’t think Maddie seems that badly behaved,” remarked India. “I just don’t think she likes me.”
“She probably loves her brother a lot and is worried you’re taking him away,” said Rebecca wisely and India sighed and said, “I don’t know what to say to her. I didn’t think it would be a problem. Leah’s okay.”
“Well, try not to worry about it,” assured Rebecca, patting her hand. “She’s only a little girl and I’m sure Elliot will listen to your point of view and talk to her about it. She’s his sister, not yours.”
“I know,” said India, and she smiled. “Thanks, Grandma.”
“Anytime. So....what are your plans for Monday?” asked Rebecca, and the table suddenly became tense.
“Same old,” said Declan quietly. “Just work for me, school for Indy and then you can come round in the evening and we can do something then.”
“I still don’t see why I should have to go to school,” muttered India and Declan warned, “Indy.”
“Well, I don’t!” she exclaimed. “Come on, Dad, I’m not a kid and it’s an important day. I’m old enough for a say in the matter. There won’t be any point me going because I won’t be paying attention.”
“India, that’s enough. There is always a point in your going to school and I know your mum would agree.”
“But it’s my decision!” exclaimed India and Declan said, “You’re still young enough to be in school, and legally you have to, and I don’t want you to miss it because of Mum’s birthday.”
“Like you never wagged,” said India angrily and Declan retorted, “This isn’t about me, it’s about you. What kind of father would I be if I let you miss school just because you weren’t in the mood for going?”
“Calm down,” said Rebecca gently, beginning to sense an argument as her granddaughter went red in the face, but when India turned to her and said, “Grandma?” Rebecca felt troubled and said, “Sweetheart, I think your dad’s right on this one. School is important and I know if your mum was here she’s be agreeing. She wouldn’t want you to miss it for her birthday.”
India stared at them, feeling tears forming her eyes, but not wishing to start crying mumbled, “I need the bathroom,” and scraped away from the table, running a hand across her eyes.
Declan sighed and his mother put her arm around him and smiled.
“She’ll understand. It’s for the best.”
“It’s going to be a horrible day,” said Declan in a hollow voice. “I just don’t want her education messed up because of it.”
“I know,” said Rebecca quietly but then India came back into the room, sniffling, and they changed the subject.
The rest of the weekend passed quickly. On Sunday afternoon, after Rebecca had gone home, India went to Lydia’s house, greeted by the sound of shouting as two very loud ten-year-old boys raced at top speed around the house, nearly knocking India down as she came in and went to Lydia’s room.
“I think there’s a hurricane outside,” she said, shutting the door firmly.
“Tell me about it,” said Lydia in a weary voice. “Luke’s got his friend round and they’re pretending to be bank robbers or something. His friend asked me if I could be the pretty lady held hostage and I said I’d get away and kill them before they could hold me hostage properly and then Luke said I was too ugly to be a hostage anyway and should be the monster. He’s such a brat.”
“I don’t know which is worse, a little brother or a little sister,” sighed India, sitting on the bed. “Especially ones aged ten!”
Lydia looked up curiously.
“What do you mean? Since when do you know what it’s like to have a little sister?”
“I don’t....Elliot’s got two and the older girl hates me. Or she doesn’t like me anyway and she’s ten as well. She’s spilt juice and chips down me and walked in on me and Elliot and told his mum and no, we weren’t doing anything!” and Lydia closed her mouth in disappointment.
“Maybe spill something down her too, see how she likes it.”
“That’s pretty childish,” said India, wrinkling her nose.
“It stops Luke sometimes.”
“Yeah, but you’re his sister. Maddie’s not mine, she’s Elliot’s, and it’s not going to look good to anyone if I start doing back what she does to me. I think I’ll just talk to Elliot, see if he can talk some sense into him. She seems to love him.”
“Yeah, and I bet he loves her too,” remarked Lydia. “And I bet she’ll get him on his side by being adorable and turning on the water works. She’s his baby sister after all.”
India felt worried.
“I hadn’t thought of that,” she admitted, and then shook herself. “I’m getting way too worked up over this. She’s just a little girl.”
“Don’t think of it that way,” warned Lydia. “She knows what she’s doing.”
“I’m going to try not to think about it,” said India firmly and a short silence fell as Lydia painted her nails and India stretched out on the bed.
“Indy...”
“Yeah?”
“When you say she saw you on the bed, what were you doing?”
“Nothing like that,” said India hotly. “Just kissing. We weren’t even lying down.”
“Did you want to?” asked Lydia quietly.
“No...I didn’t want to sleep with him. I like kissing him and you know, us touching each other, but I don’t feel ready for that yet. He touched my bra strap the other day and I freaked out.”
“That’s why you went so weird the other day!” exclaimed Lydia. “I knew it! But do you think you will, one day?”
“Maybe. Sometimes I want to,” admitted India, feeling her cheeks go red. “Like, I really want to, but when I’m there I feel different. I don’t know. We might.”
“But that’s big!” exclaimed Lydia, leaning forward. “Wow. I never thought you’d have sex before me.”
“Lydia!” hissed India. “Don’t talk so loudly. Anyway, I don’t want to yet. I did look at the pill though. You won’t believe how expensive it is.”
Lydia wrinkled her nose.
“I guess you could just use condoms.”
“I got too embarrassed to buy them,” said India, feeling herself blush again. “Anyway, I’d rather be on the pill. I’d feel safer.”
There was a scuffle outside and Lydia and India looked at each other before Lydia marched over to the door and wrenched it open, allowing Luke and his friend to fall into the room.
“What the hell are you doing?” screeched Lydia, picking her brother up the shirt. “You little sneak!”
“Wuzzn’t sneaking!” protested Luke unconvincingly. “I dropped my coin...”
“Stop lying!” yelled Lydia. “I’m going to tell Mum you were eavesdropping if you don’t get out of my sight right now and leave us alone!”
She let her brother go and he and his friend raced outside and India sat up, feeling worried.
“Do you think he heard? Oh God, what if he tells your mum? What if she tells my dad?!””
India felt herself panic.
“Relax,” said Lydia quickly. “He won’t. He doesn’t even know what the pill is!”
“I bet he could work it out though,” groaned India. “Oh God.”
“Even if he does tell Mum I’ll come up with something,” said Lydia quickly. “It’s okay.”
“I guess,” said India, feeling miserable. “Thanks for letting me talk, anyway.”
“That’s okay. You can’t really talk to Jamie about this stuff anyway. What?” as she saw India’s face.
“We argued,” she said miserably.
“What about?”
“He went off at me just for having weekend plans and then said me and Elliot were nauseating together! What?”
“Oh Indy....when are you going to figure out that he likes you?”
India felt uncomfortable.
“Even if he does,” she said hotly. “I would never go out with him – I think I’d kill him in the first week!”
India turned it over in her mind, feeling uneasy but her musing was cut short by another scuffle outside and Lydia opening the door to find her brother outside again and, not wishing to see any bloodshed, India went home before they could kill each other, but it all played on her mind and so went home, feeling pensive. Her lighthearted mood from Lydia’s had gone, and she felt heavy, worrying for one thing about what had Luke had heard, and about Jamie, but her sadness was from another source. Tomorrow was Monday, her mother’s birthday and it was going to be another awful day. It wasn’t quite as sad as the anniversary of her death but it was still sad enough....Dad would be quiet and badtempered and then apologetic, they both would, and then she would have to be in school just thinking about it. There wouldn’t be any point. Gloomily, she got home, ate her dinner without talking much to her father, finished her assignment and got into bed, looking at her mother’s photo.
“You’d be thirty-five,” she said. It didn’t seem possible when she looked at the laughing young woman in the photo. Bridget was seventeen, frozen in time but India liked to imagine her still living, despite finding it hard to imagine her being older. India tried to read for a while but couldn’t, so turned off the light and lay in the dark for a while before having odd, confusing dreams with her mother being there yet unable to reach.
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Post by sophie on Mar 1, 2011 23:11:09 GMT
“Morning,” said India, trying to sound bright as she came into the kitchen in her school dress and sat at the breakfast table. Declan was pouring some coffee but muttered, “Morning,” back.
“Is there enough for me?”
“I didn’t think you liked coffee,” he remarked, looking round and India shrugged.
“I just want to try it.”
“All right,” he said, handing her a small cup and India took a sip and wrinkled her nose, making Declan grin in spite of everything.
“Knew you’d hate it.”
“You don’t have to sound so smug,” said India irritably. “And I didn’t hate, it just tasted different.”
“Oh, I saw your face.”
India sulked and tucked into her breakfast before going and washing.
“Ready to go?” asked Declan, as she appeared with her school bag and India decided to try one last time.
“Dad, I really, really don’t want to go.”
“Oh Indy, we’ve been through this,” groaned Declan. “I really don’t want to argue about it again, especially not today. Do you think Mum would want that?”
“I think Mum wouldn’t want me to be miserable all day.”
“Indy, we all have to do things we don’t want to do,” said Declan gently, putting his hands on her shoulders. India looked away. “Look at me,” he added and India unwillingly did so. “I know it sucks. I know everything about today sucks, but it’s still a day of the week and we should go to school and work rather than mope around feeling sorry for ourselves.”
“I don’t want to mope around and feel sorry for myself,” said India hotly. “I want to do something for Mum.”
“We will, when we get back,” said Declan gently. “It’s not for too long, Indy. It’s just a few hours.”
“Oh, you don’t understand,” said India angrily, pulling away and Declan felt hurt but brushed it off with, “Dads never do. Now get your jacket or you’ll be late.”
Despite his encouraging words to India Declan couldn’t help feeling like being in work was a waste of time too. The day was slow, there were barely any new e-mails and by lunch he had sorted through all his new ones and had helped a new member with hers. It was all feeling like a waste of time and it felt, even more than usual, that he was catching his wife’s eye in the photos on his desk, that Bridget was constantly smiling and laughing at him. Laughing would be right. Who could ever imagine bad boy Declan Napier in a suit and tie and working in an office? What a tragic. Very well to say that it was a sign of maturity and earning for his family, but today Declan felt like a fool. He felt young again. He felt like a teenager, the age he had been with Bridget but before India was born, before Bridget was pregnant, before they had even been together, but the time when they had just met. The time they had been giggly and unsure around at each other and finding trouble, Bridget trying so desperately to be bad and someone other than the good daughter of Miranda and Steve, but failing rather, and he trying too hard to be hard, to act like he didn’t care and that no one could hurt him. That had been a failure too. His mum had cried and Declan felt like the biggest tool in the world. Nothing was worth it if he was making her cry, and Bridget knew that too, before anyone else had. She’d known everything.
Suddenly Declan stood up. He couldn’t do this anymore.
“Sir, can I go home?”
“Is there something wrong?” his boss asked, frowning and Declan said, “I just have this pounding headache and I don’t think it’s going to go away. I’ve taken some tablets but they haven’t helped.”
“Well, all right,” agreed his boss. “As it’s a slow day and you haven’t taken any sick leave this year yet. It’s not like you, Declan. I hope you feel better.”
“It’s just a day thing,” said Declan knowledgably and packed up to go.
India sat through her third class of the day, feeling rotten. It had been awkward from the start anyway, as she had glanced at Jamie in the corridor and he had looked determinedly in his locker, she doing the same, and then she had been in a world of her own during her classes and all the teachers had told her off. She couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t stop thinking about what day it was and if her father was okay too....she knew how sad he was.
“India. India!”
India’s head snapped off to see Ms Brown glaring down at her.
“Yes?”
“What is X, India?”
India didn’t have a clue.
“Er....”
“For your information, it’s twenty Miss Napier,” snapped her teacher. “Which you would have realised if you had been paying attention!”
India tried not to roll her eyes. It took effort.
“Sorry Ms Brown....”
“I just don’t know what’s got into you today,” Ms Brown sighed. “Maybe you need to go back into first year.”
By lunchtime India decided that she had had enough. Whilst she respected that she was there to get an education, India had already suffered through the morning to know that she wasn’t missing much and nothing was sticking anyway. There was no point.
“Hey, where are you going?” asked someone curiously as India edged to the gap in the school gates and she turned around to see Jamie.
“Nowhere,” she said, throwing her bag over. He raised his eyebrows.
“So nowhere means wagging now, does it?”
“Why are you so interested?” snapped India. “I thought I’d become someone boring who was only interested in her boyfriend. In fact, that’s where I’m going – I can’t live through the day if I don’t see him once.”
“Oh come on Napier, I never said that,” said Jamie defensively. “Where are you really going?”
“Somewhere private,” said India firmly, squeezing her way out of the gap.
“So what do I say when they ask after you?”
“Tell them I had a dentist’s appointment,” said India, getting through the gap and picking up her bag. “Or a doctor’s appointment. You choose.”
“But –“
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” said India firmly and began to run down the street before she could change her mind, even though she knew she wouldn’t. She knew where she was going.
“Hey Mum,” she said softly, leaning at her mother’s grave. “I’m sorry I didn’t bring anything. I came straight from school. I would have had something if Dad hadn’t made me go....he said you’d agree but I know you’d understand. I know you think education’s important and it is, but I couldn’t think today. Anyway, that’s not important.”
India stopped for breath and put her hand on the stone.
“You’re thirty-five,” she said again. “Does it feel weird? I think I’d find it weird. I still think it’s weird that I’m seventeen, but less weird than I did. At least Dad’s still older than you. Maybe when I get to thirty-five I won’t find it weird at all. Is it less confusing? I feel confused about stuff so much, it must have been so scary when you found out you were pregnant. Did you hate me for being there? It’s okay if you did. If I got pregnant I’d freak out. I’m going to get the pill when I have enough money. I don’t think I could talk to you about all this if you were still alive, but I don’t know,” India said thoughtfully. “I know I could talk to you about stuff. I know you’re my mum, but I still could. More than Dad anyway.”
India paused for a moment before picking something up and putting it on the grave.
“I made you a daisy chain. I know you don’t like flowers much but daisies are okay. They’re not very fancy.” India leant back. “Happy Birthday Mum.”
“INDIA!”
India looked up, surprised, to see her father standing there in his work suit looking furious.
“What are you doing here?”
“I’ll ask you the same,” he said angrily. “We had an agreement, you’re supposed to be in school today.”
“You’re supposed to be in work today,” shot back India. “And I don’t see you there either.”
“India, don’t push it.”
“Pushing it doesn’t change the fact that I’m right,” retorted India and Declan didn’t know what to say for a moment and ran a hand through his hair.
“I’m the adult here,” he said eventually. “And I’ve finished my education, you haven’t. It’s important for you to be in school.”
“Dad, I’m seventeen, don’t treat me like a kid. If you’re going to argue that don’t you think it’s as important for you to stay in work and earn us money?”
“It was one afternoon,” said Declan weakly and India repeated, “Exactly, it was one afternoon.”
Declan looked for a moment as though he was about to shout at her but instead his shoulders sagged, making he looked older than he was and he joined his daughter on the grass.
“Neither of us he could stay, huh?” he asked wearily. “I know you couldn’t. I couldn’t either.”
“I’m sorry,” said India softly. “I know wagging’s wrong but I don’t do it much.”
“It’s okay,” said Declan, still sounding tired. “I wagged for reasons worse than that. We both did,” and he nodded to Bridget’s grave and India laughed a little.
“Do I want to know?”
“Probably not. It was all very soppy. Hey, what’s this ‘not very much’? When did you wag school before?”
India concentrated very hard on looking at the grass and Declan sighed and put an arm around her.
“Like father, like daughter, hey?”
“In a bad way?” asked India, looking up and he smiled at her gently.
“Sometimes, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“I’m sorry I wagged,” said India quietly.
“It’s okay,” said Declan gently. “Just don’t do it again. I understand why you did but your education’s important, and you know your mum would agree.”
India nodded, lay her head on his shoulder and he took her hand.
“I just wanted her to have a sense of normality,” said Declan sadly that night to his mother after they had come home and eaten a birthday tea for Bridget.
“She’s not a little girl, darling.”
“I know, but I still wanted her day to feel as normal as possible.”
“But it’s not a normal day,” said Rebecca gently. “It never has been. But you know, that’s okay. It’s okay for you both to feel sad on her birthday.”
“She couldn’t stay in school,” said Declan sadly. “And I couldn’t stay in work. Do you think I’m a bad influence?”
Rebecca laughed a little sadly.
“I think she’s got rebelliousness from you but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. She’s never stolen or gone for a joy ride. I’d say she’s doing well from a very good influence.”
“This will sound corny,” said Declan and Rebecca looked up. “But I reckon part of that’s from Didge. It does feel like she’s still watching over us.”
“That’s not corny, silly,” scolded Rebecca in a wobbly voice. “That’s missing her and who’s to say you are wrong?”
“I don’t know if I’ll ever stop grieving,” admitted Declan and Rebecca gave him a hug. “It’s not as awful as it was but I’ll never stop missing her.”
“That’s okay,” said Rebecca into his shoulder. “You know it is.”
Both mother and son sat like that for a while and then Declan stood up.
“Let’s go out and have that drink.”
Half an hour later Declan, Rebecca, India, Zeke and Donna sat in the local bar with their cocktails.
“I know Didge would’ve loved them,” Donna had said, and had bought the round.
“I just wanted to say,” said Declan, making everyone look up, “that Didge loves each and every one of you, wherever she is, and I know she’s partying in style.”
Everyone gave an appreciative laugh.
“Because that was Didge’s way,” continued Declan. “Knowing how to have a good time and I know she wants us to have one too, and I know she and Ringo will be making sure we are. Happy Birthday Didge, wherever you are. This drink’s for you. To Didge!” and everyone raised their glasses.
“To Didge!”
The day faded. Everyone had stayed late, apart from Jess and Zeke who had to get back to the babysitter and shared their memories and were able to laugh as they remembered and then when they had got home they had called Miranda and Steve, and talked to Riley too as he was there, and had laughed as they had heard the story of Didge running towards her birthday table when she was eight and falling facefirst into the cake.
“That’s our Didge,” Riley had said fondly and they knew it was. Now India and Declan sat curled up on the sofa watching a video of Bridget on her seventeenth birthday so long ago, and her last.
“Mum’s not pregnant there, is she?” asked India and Declan shook her head.
“No, she didn’t realise she was pregnant for another couple of months. We hadn’t even started –“
“Okay, I get it,” said India quickly and Declan laughed a little at his daughter’s embarrassment. He looked at her profile, her curls looking darker by the low light of the lamp and the way she laughed at mother’s silly dancing around the room with her father . “You remind me so much of her,” he said softly and India looked up.
“Do I really?”
“More and more every day,” he said and India put her head on his shoulder and they watched in silence for the rest of the night, glad to have each other.
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Post by Bee on Mar 2, 2011 11:24:01 GMT
nice updates and very sad, cant wait for more Sophie
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